Triple layer Fever Blister

I could not believe it when I looked in the mirror this morning. No matter how calm I say I am about this surgery - my lip revealed the truth. There before me, a beautifully formed, triple layered stress indicator, also known in my life as a Fever Blister. They have betrayed me so many times, errupting in perfect sync with all the hard times. Yikes! Oh well - there's no pretending now.
Actually it is quite funny. I have a friend from South Africa who I grew up with and she works at the University church of Christ in Abilene. Not only have we shared years of life together, we have a common bond in the old fever blister department. So, of course I called her first thing this morning and we both bust out laughing and then recounted our worst ones. Like all respected fever blister sufferers would do.
All that said, I am feeling anxious. However I am being so covered in prayer that I know this will be okay. My church and physical family have been so good to keep reminding me that they are praying and what they are praying for. My blog friends have done the same. I ask you to keep praying for me to be calm, have a peaceful attitude and that all would go well.
I won't be blogging again till I'm back home and feeling good.

Lament

The Central church family woke up Sunday morning to find out that two families are experiencing horrific pain. One family lost there son to an accidental shooting in a game of Russian Roulette and the other families son was arrested for involuntary manslaughter because he owned the gun.
How do you even begin to understand. You don't.

I keep hearing the words,

"Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will sayBlessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to sayLord, blessed be Your name"

Spring Break

Thanks to so many of you who have emailed about my surgery. It is set for 3/30 - so keep praying!

My body is still on California time and my heart is there too. We had a fabulous Spring Break in San Diego. We were there 2 years ago and I fell in love with Southern California because it is so much like South Africa. Magical, truly magical. I have a theory that if you were born by the ocean, it will always call you back. Actually it is screaming at me. We did so many fun things. We did the Rodeo Drive, Hollywood thing for Michaela. Her and I took a tour of the Kodak theatre where the Oscars are held, and it was fascinating! Then in San Diego we went back to Legoland for Spencer. The kids had a ball and we did too really. We spent 2 days just hanging out at the resort by the pool, going down the waterslide, playing in the game room. It was so relaxing. One day we drove to LaJolla and the kids played in the water. We have officially turned into those people that roll up there pants and frolick in the ocean - so dull to the locals! LaJolla was magnificent. We got to view the pregnant seals and those who had just birthed babies - so precious!
All in all we had a great trip - it was long. Everywhere is long from Amarillo!!!!

Laundry

David and I are planning on leaving tomorrow morning for a quick weekend trip to Dallas. I say intending because Michaela has the flu and bronchitis. It has been an interesting 48 hours. However if we still get to go our friend and surrogate Grandmother to the kids, Becky, will be taking care of them. It struck me yesterday that I had some laundry to catch up on. She wouldn't mind digging through the clean stuff that hasn't been put away but I don't want her to have to do that. In fact, I don't like doing it that way. I am a neat and tidy person who thrives in order, so why this last week or so I have laundry so out of control I do not know. It is what it is and there are a few baskets full needing to be sorted, folded and put away. Actually I have just completed the job and it was a job!
This is what struck me. We are blessed enough not to need the laundry up to date. We have enough of everything to make it for at least 2 weeks in the "underwear" department and many more than that with general clothing.
I'm thankful that God allowed me to see a blessing like that in the midst of a mundane task this morning.

Bono

I know that just about everyone has either heard or read Bono's sermon at the Prayer Breakfast. It was fabulous and I am still pondering things from it.
What is the difference between chairty and justice? I have glimpses of an answer to that question but there is so much still to uncover. I guess what makes me uncomfortable is the fact that my life has been more about charity than justice, yet I have previously thought of myself as a champion of justice.
It seems to me that Charity is giving from a place of "having" to a people who "have not" without affecting change for their long-term hope and living. Justice is sharing so that we all have enough even though "enough" is different in Africa and America. That justice sets into motion the potential for a life of hope, chance, opportunity and viability. Justice longs for the life of people to be transformed into something and charity focuses on the act of my giving without really connecting me to the pain of a people.
How do I teach this to my children? How do I learn how to live in such a way that I fight for the rights of the marginal?
Jesus was about justice.

Surgery

The date has been set for March 30th. I will be sliced and diced and about 11 inches or so of my colon will be removed. Bye bye ugly little pockets of infection and hello a bag of popcorn! There are so many foods that I am unable to eat with this condition and it is getting old! At least, I should have a pay off of being thin. But no.....
On a more serious note. I am not the bravest soul when it comes to medical stuff, or much else really. I am timid about things like that. I am not looking forward to going through this but I know I will be better on the other side - No, I do not mean heaven either. Just, the other side of the procedure. But right now, I am feeling a little anxious about the kids, about me, about the pain, about David....and so the list goes on.
Just thought I would journal some of this so I get it out of my head and worry veins.

Reverse Tithing

I keep hearing those words in my brain. I tend to over analyze things anyway and this one for sure. I heard an interview with Rick Warren on TV the other night and he was asked if it was true that he "reverse tithed." He said yes quite humbly and moved on. This is what this means...He gives 90% and keeps 10%. He has paid Saddleback back for the salaries he has earned over the last 20 years and I know there is more. It is easy to think that his 10% is still a nice little sum, but that is not the point. He stated very clearly that the reason for doing this is to keep him and his family away from the trap of materialism. What a lesson for me. I keep thinking about the implications for my little world. What are the things I am doing to keep myself from the trap of materialism?

Happy Faces

Love this picture and wanted to share it with the world!

Family

I love it when we are all cracking up about something. I love it when we eat dinner together with the table decorated by the kids. I love it when we have a French Picnic indoors for dinner. I love family game night. I love holiday traditions. I love it when Michaela and Spencer play together despite their age difference. Today I am thankful for family and pray that God equips me each day with what I need for that days ministry to my family.

Daily Communion

Last night after our small group had finished, the telephone rang and a couple from church asked if they could come over because they had a word from the Lord for me. Of course I said yes to come on over. They arrived and the last 2 families from small group left. They sat down and started telling me that their group was studying the idea of daily communion as something to be used in healing. I have been struggling with some health issues and am facing possible surgery. They had lifted my name up in prayer during their small group and felt led by God to bring over a baggie of pieces of bread and some wine for me to use to partake of daily communion as a way of bringing healing to my physical body. Wow - never quite thought of that before. Still thinking. But it was so impactful. They laid hands on me and prayed over me and then I took the bread and dipped it in the wine. They talked more about the very act being a sign to the demons that I was standing on holy ground and they were to flee. Wow again - more impactful.
Think what you may - it is a such a blessing to have people who act on the promptings from the Lord and witness boldly. Thank you Alan and Cindy Nickson.

Marriage

David and I will have been married 20 years in about a month. I can hardly believe that! I know we got married when we were 10.....
Relationships are a funny thing. Ours has certainly grown and changed and changed and grown. Life has a way of changing people - good thing. God has a way of changing people - great thing!
I am thinking about this today because David has been gone for a few days and I miss him so much when we are apart. Why wouldn't I seeing as though I have spent little more than half my life married to him.
Husband, lover, friend, advisor, guide, leader, Dad, Son, Brother, Minister - he is all that!

Christmas, Crankiness and Colons

There are so many reasons I could give for not blogging, but they all seem pretty lame actually. I just haven't done it. Once you let it go it is so hard to start up again.
Christmas was awesome as usual - I love the whole "embrace everyone" atmosphere of the holidays. Just love it!
But, this year it was followed by me becoming rather Cranky. I just don't know what hit, but I felt myself spiral into the grumps. I've been cranky with the kids, a little distant with everyone else and quite withdrawn for me. Interesting.
Well closely followed by Christmas & Crankiness is the Colon. I started having severe Diverticulitus pain which resulted in an absess on my colon and a brief hospital stay. Not quite what I had planned for the start of 2006. But, I think I am on the mend and tomorrow's CT scan will determine that.

Yes!

It is not often that I feel this way after worship. But lately I've noticed a trend - it is happening quite often.
I am squeezing myself wondering if it is really true. Yes, it is! I think we have one of the greatest worship ministers ever. He gets it. He really does. He has not been here long, just 3 months and they have not been easy. In fact I thought he was going to pack up and leave not long after arriving. But, something made him stay. Phew. I believe that God brought him here and God has plans for his stay with us.
Every week I leave thinking of the depth and insight that has been in the planning of the services. They are not filled with "horse and pony shows" each week, but each scripture, encouragement and prayer is said with the big picture in mind. He moves my spirit each week and I find myself before the throne in worship.
I feel blessed to be here for such a time as this!

The After Party

On Monday night the ministers wives and elders wives were honored at a dinner at church. It was a beautiful affair with much formality and grace. Each person who worked hours to make it happen did so with a heart of service and love. For that I am thankful.

But the best part, as often is the case, was the "afterparty." Small tidbit, aside coming.....That is why the contemporary Christian band called The Afters chose that name. Because the best usually comes after the required. Back to the point of the story. My SUV was nicknamed the joybus on Monday night because I had both Youth Ministers wives, our worship ministers wife, our preachers wife and myself. I know you are getting the vision right now and it is downright scary. I am the oldest of the group at almost 39 and so the median age and behaviour in the joybus was something to behold.

After the dinner we visited with lots of people and then stopped for a picture. This was the beginning of the end. We took a nice picture and then we "vogued" for another and by the end we had the tulle and ribbon chair decorations around our heads, over our tummies, in our mouths - okay you get the picture. We then left and started the journey home which ended about 2 hours later after a stop at Starbucks and many chuckles.

Why am I blogging about this? It struck me very clearly that this was community. I have worked places before where the ministry wives were cordial to one another but this is different. We have each others back. We keep each others kids, we help with each others ministry. We laugh, eat together and actually enjoy being friends. This is way cool.

It feels odd to have left out some of the others. Our children's ministers wife, our outreach ministers wife, our senior adult ministers wife - they are all special to us too. They just got lucky and did not have to endure the joybus. Now, if only our Young Adults minister would find a wife....teehee....there is room on the bus!

I Don't remember 9 Being So Big!

Michaela is 9. That in itself is oddly shocking to me. I know that I birthed her and have lived right along side her for each moment, but I am still amazed. I think the thing that really got me this week is observing her appreciation for humor beyond her years. She is "getting" stuff all the time. Just when I think something has gone over her head she cracks up. When did it happen? No fear - I am not going to burst out into a Tevya moment....
She is also consumed by all things Harry Potter. She is a dead ringer for Hermione anyway. It is interesting to me that one minute she is still amused by Junie B. Jones and then the next she is intrigued by the world of Hogwarts.
Just musing on my not so baby girl right now. She has a good sense of herself. She is a gifted and talented young girl. She is kind and obedient (most of the time). I am blessed.

Shantico

Just a month or so ago at the Zoe Worship Conference in Nashville I went to have dessert with some friends from Dallas. We could not find a whole lot of places that were open so we settled on a Starbucks. A friend almost insisted that I try a Shantico. They know me well. I ordered one, they graciously paid and I began to sip on the "micro" size cup. Talk about a party in your mouth...your throat...your happy glands...your soul. Yikes! This is the stuff that dreams are made of. A dark, good quality european chocolate is melted to make this little hot chocolate drink. I honestly do not think much more is added. It is as thick as lotion and as you drink it it hides in all the nooks and crannies of your mouth and just when you think you have swallowed the last sip, a little surprise will pop into your mouth because the taste lingers.

At this point some of you are thinking that I need therapy at the least - don't fear haven't you seen the movie Chocolat. You either get this or you don't!

I have had another few Shantico experiences since then. Just a few! Last night was one of them. However, I took the tiny lid off the tiny cup to look at the "delight in a cup." All of a sudden I was struck by something. This is perhaps the most luxurious and decadent thing I consume. But this is the life that Jesus offers. Stay with me here. His love for us is so intense it is Shantico-like. He lavishes love and gifts on us. He snatched us from destruction and covered us with the most expensive gift - the blood of his son. As I looked at the shades of brown mixed with a little froth and how it all blended the color palate in the cup was intense and deep. Interesting. No really, this is the life he affords. One that is rich and deep in meaning, one that is intense in experience and one that is like no other. Kingdom living is in not luxurious and decadent in a selfish, unconsequential way - but it can be so completely satisfying that it is overwhelming. Don't misunderstand me, troubles are not washed away. Hardships are often induced. Easy street is not usually our address when we follow Jesus. However, the aftertaste left in our mouth after experiences with Jesus will continue to bring joy and delight and surprise.

So when 2 friends and I left church last night to go to Starbucks instead of class and we insisted we were being "missional" no one believed us. If only they knew.... Long live "Chocolat!"

A God Thing

I was doing regular stuff on a regular Thursday when a friend mentioned on the phone that she had an additional ticket to Woman of Faith and it could be mine. I leaped at the chance and made a trip happen in a few hours. God cleared the path - really he did! Slowly through the afternoon things were revealed to me about how easy the planning was going and how convenient it was going to be to postpone several planned weekend events. And then, I got a call that a family member may need some encouragement in the OKC area because of a car wreck. God intended for this and I am the gracious recipient of this grace in this. Yah God!

The Johnsons

ACU Homecoming was awesome this year! Yes, 100 years is surely something to celebrate but it was more than that. We got to spend extended time with friends we had not seen since graduation (10 years ago). Our lives have changed and we have grown and developed. It was a time of honest sharing and putting our thoughts on the table. You know when you pick up right where you left off. We laughed and cried.
Funny thing is that now we get to miss each other all over again. Bummer.

The Little Man in My House

Perhaps it is because my husband is co-teaching a Wednesday evening bible class on Wild at Heart that this is so obvious to me right now, or perhaps it is because it is just so obvious. But, my 4 year old son is a perfect example of the male prototype talked about in Eldredge's writing. He simply cracks us up. You can hear him say at the top of his voice, "let me do that Mom, I can do anything." Or my personal favorite is his rendition of a future rock band that he will be in - he does the meanest air guitar ever and body slams himself at various objects, all with a sash tied around his head. He frequently reminds us that he is a super hero and makes detailed plans about saving the world. The best is his fascination with "no shirt." Whether it is shorts, jeans or pj bottoms, he finds a good reason that they do not need a shirt. The bare chested braveheart runs through the house with glee!

Be Anxious For Nothing

I have a rather strange attraction toward TV Preachers. I am quick to follow that up with a clarification of which type etc etc. Like it makes a difference. But nevertheless it makes me feel better if I can stand on my soapbox and say, "No, of course not Benny Hinn, Reihnhard Bonke, and a whole lot of other TBN specials." But, sheepishly I admit to loving a good sermon from Paula White, The Bishop (TD Jakes) etc etc. Now that this is in print, its a little creepy....gosh!

Now that we have that out there, I was listening to Paula White preach this past week and it really spoke to me. She was in Phil. 4:6-7 and her words had such power. I know the verse but I do not live it well. I love her enthusiasm for scripture and her knowledge of the word. It seeps out of every pore even when she isn't trying. I keep hearing her being incredulous that we do not believe God when he says, Be Anxious For Nothing! I feel like I spend my life being "pre-anxious" so that I can be prepared to be "anxious" in the most appropriate way. What am I doing....

So, from scripture here is my focus for today and the rest of my days...
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God that transcends our thinking, will guard our hearts and mind in Christ.