Friday, July 07, 2006

Who Am I?

The threat of this post surviving death by cliche or predictability is not good. Don't you love it when people begin a thought with the "I don't know who I am" or "I am trying to find myself" phrases. Sorry, but this may well be the first of several posts like this. Don't say I didn't warn you....

I am not sure if my current self reflection posture is due to the following things or just a phase.

1. I came through a really hard set of surgeries earlier this year that have taken a toll on my emotional state.
2. I see my 40th birthday looming early next year and I can not fathom that I am going to be 40. I know that is not old, but it seems like I would feel like an adult by now.
3. My baby goes to Kindergarten in the Fall.
4. My firstborn has a body that is developing and looking way more like a 14 year old than a 10 year old.
5. I am in a place where I am not comfortable with my shell - I am heavier and just frumpier than ever. That is in the process of changing because I have begun to take charge of that department!
6. I have come through some Spiritual growth and change this last few months.

Well there - I feel better already :-)!

Because Spencer will begin Kindergarten in the Fall I am having to decide what the next phase of my life will look like. I need to find a part time job to begin stashing away more college $ for these "chickens" and for us to save to go home every couple of years. That would be the responsible thing to do, hey. Well, not what I've chosen. I am going back to school. I am going to pursue my MA in Ministry from ACU as an off campus student. I came to this after almost 18 months of toying with the idea. If I am entering the phase of life when I am realistically going to rejoin the work force till College bills are paid I need to be doing what I am passionate about. I am passionate about Ministry. My Undergraduate degree in Bible was fabulous but I just doubt it is going to get me the kind of ministry job I am gifted for. So, I will hit the books again and probably be 100 by the time I finally graduate.

This decision has led me down the road of asking a set of questions about myself. What am I good at? Where do my gifts lie? What inspires me? What drains me? All of these answers intending to lead me to make a good choice in the next chapter of life. The jury is still out on some of the stuff. But here is what I think today. I think my gifts lie in the area of "shepherding." I love people and have a heart that is inspired by people, their story and their struggle. I am energized by deep and intimate times with people. When I look at my history and how I am currently functioning I think the evidence supports this claim. I have some other marketable skills but when I look at how I hope to function in full time ministry one day, I think I have found my sweet spot. Eldering or Shepherding may not be the role, but I can see myself as a "Minister of Congregational Care" or "Body life Minister."

Who knows what the future will bring. If I have learned anything I know that we don't know what the future holds, but we know who holds the future. Who knows how much of this degree I will actually get done or if it will lead to full time ministry. All I know is that I am being thrust into a new phase of life that is requiring me to look at some things and make some choices.

Some of the ways I have previously defined myself:
1. Stay at home Mom of preschooler aswell as elementary school child
2. Thinking of myself as a peer to young adults who actually see me as their parents friend :-)
3. Non student
4. & more...


These definitions are changing..... All of which seem wrapped up in the question, "Who Am I."

4 comments:

Stoned-Campbell Disciple said...

Amy I saw your name on Jim Martin's blog . . . so I thought I might take a tour. Glad to have "met" you.

Who Am I? Husband, Dad, Christian . . . small fish in a big sea.

If you get a chance come by and visit http://stoned-campbelldisciple.blogspot.com/

Shalom,
Bobby Valentine

Angela Bruce said...

I wonder....does talking about flirting cars and blinking on O's count as deep and intimate? heehee =)

Gina said...

I could really relate to this post. The more I read your blog the more I think we have a lot in common!

jefferree :) said...

How funny, but not-so-surprising, that I would end up reading a blog by Arlene Kasselman (Friday, July 07, 2006, "Who Am I?") in my search for those using the phrase "body life minister"!

We're trying to ensure my position title is appropriate to my current function and that's one of the options. (It's currently "worship and family life minister" which can be confusing knowing we have a "children and family minister" and a "youth and family minister".)

Hope things are going fantastic for you and your growing-up family!

jeff k. :O)