When it comes to Spiritual Warfare and things unseen I am more than aware that a battle rages and most times we go on blissfully unaware. I am not a fan of the fear induced tactics used by some who rant and rail on Hollywood, Washington and the Media for every ill in the world. I often wonder why we would expect things not of Christ to be holy. I am not a reactionary to things that are sometimes called "secular." I see God in the strangest places and His heart is often shown best in the places we least expect it. And I do not live in fear seeing Satan behind every bush either. But that is another post. And to top it off, I am often a little "inappropriate" without even trying. So, when I refer to an attack of Satan I do not say it glibly, filter it through all I have just said. Some days it just feels like Satan, the deceiver, is waiting to pounce. And, it is always, I mean always, when I am about to engage in a very public form of ministry.
Right before I am heading off to speak somewhere or teach someplace or lead something, I hear his whispers in my ear. I hear him telling me that I have no business doing what I do. I hear him reminding me of how broken I am. I usually have the opportunity to take him up on the offers he throws out for me. And if in moments of distraction I do falter in some way, I hear his accusation proving that his original whispers were accurate. The message that always seems to sound the clearest is the one that says, "how can you go and teach women when you screw up so often."
That message used to work. It shut me down. Not so much now. On my best days in my best moments I know what is true. It is because I am so broken that God can use my life for His purposes. On a normal day in a normal moment, I know it is still true, it is just so much harder to believe.
Today, I am struck by a sudden onset of hard things to deal with in my heart. He lurks around waiting to pounce. And it is no coincidence that it is the start of a very public season of ministry for me this Spring.