The last couple of days I have had some thoughts bouncing around my brain but have struggled to land them. Hopefully being able to articulate them here I can solidify what I am thinking. Don't mind me while I process!
It becomes clear early on in Exodus that God uses flawed people. Spend much time in scripture and that is a hard to miss fact. Humanities perfection is never a prerequisite to God using us. Good thing, eh? Moses appears less than confident in his ability to speak for God. He seems generally anxious about things. He needs God to reaffirm His promises. He gets angry and frustrated and generally seems like a pretty normal guy.
This is speaking volumes to me right now in life. The last almost 3 years since turning 40 have taken me on a journey that I could never have predicted. Stereotypically I began reflecting on life and who I am and how I live it. I asked God to invade my heart and begin to show me the worst parts of myself so I could offer those up to Him. I was done with dark, secret places. It has been an eye opening, awe inspiring painful process. The first six months of this year seemed to be bringing that process to a conclusion. God had been faithful to reveal Himself to me and to reveal so much crud about myself that is has been overwhelming.
Don't read that I had handled the revealed crud in the first six months of this year - I just knew what it was. That felt good and I have never felt as close to God in my life. But then, as July drew on - wham! I was hit by a whole new set of stuff and it has made the last six months of the year the most personally challenging, invigorating ones I have experienced in years. Out of the blue I learned stuff about myself, how I feel, what I need, what I lack, what I crave and who I can be -- and they all surprised me.....NEW STUFF!
But here is the most delightful part of all. In the middle of me uncovering new crud and still seeing myself as struggling, God has drawn people to me who are struggling with similar things. He never misses an opportunity for us to walk alongside each other. He can use us in the middle of our struggles. He still uses flawed people and that is good news!