I can not reveal a whole lot of details right now, but for the past 3-4 months I have been involved in a project at church. We have worked the process and given countless hours to it, not withstanding the emotional pull it has placed in our hearts. Well, this puppy is almost wrapped up and I don't know if I am ready. Let me put it this way:
I am ready to hear the answer that I want. Did you catch that big I! I know that God is in charge of this thing but I am having a hard time letting go. He knows my heart, he knows what is best for our church and I have to rest in that. But.....I keep thinking he needs my help to get the right answer. Hmmm...when will I learn. If the answer that comes is not what I had desired, I will live through it but boy how I wish.....
This brings me to another idea that has floated freely through the cavaties of my brain over the last couple of years. It has to do with the will of God. I have read books about this, I have prayed for discernment, I have seen open doors and closed windows. I have some first hand experience with these things, but I don't have answers. I think I now believe that God's will for our lives is for us to come to a more intimate understanding of Himself, to be just, pure, holy, worshipful, compassionate and open. As for all the rest, I am not sure. I am not sure if he so closely directs each step of every journey. I think I am beginning to think he accomplishes His will in us through life situations and circumstances. I just don't think the "detailed roadmap theology" fits anymore. I may be wrong. Has happened before. I know I do not believe in a distant uninvolved God - don't hear that. I love this quote and it seems to put it all in perspective:"This means the present is not meant primarily to be resolved, or even learned from, but to be written in a way that allows us to reveal God to others and to let him reveal himself to us."
So - all that said, if things don't turn out the way my heart is sure they should. God is still God. Process is still essential to good product. I Will survive, but It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want to!