Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Believing God

No, I did not just forget the "in" from the title of the post. It was intentional. A whole other conversation, really.
I am so frustrated with myself today. Disappointed in myself. A little angry.

Here's the thing. I sometimes struggle to believe God. To believe that what He has for me is the best thing for me. To believe that the way He wants me to live is the most life giving. To believe that His desires for my heart will in the end serve me best.

Yes, you guessed it. I decided to walk my own path on something and here I sit looking over my shoulder feeling a little heart sick and a lot of self annoyance and all I can muster is..."duh."

God has always been about forming a people. He has done that by calling us to a way of being that mirrors His heart, His intention, His desire, His passions, His character. And not because He needs some ego boost or some power trip or some manipulation tool. But, because He knows how we should live. He knows what abundance looks and feels like. He knows where real life comes from.

And so, at almost 44 I am stunned that once again I have let the whispers of the deceiver throw me off course, even just a little when I know better. I do. Once again, I affirm the covenant with the ultimate covenant keeper and say - yes, I do believe you, God.

4 comments:

Michele Fant said...

Why do we find it so hard to believe God when he has proven himself over and over? I loved when you said "He knows what abundance looks and feels like. He knows where real life comes from." So true. Maybe I need to tatoo this on my hand or something to remind myself. Thanks for your honest post.

Allison said...

we all need this kick in the pants every now and then, you're not alone.

thekingpin68 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
thekingpin68 said...

'And so, at almost 44 I am stunned that once again I have let the whispers of the deceiver throw me off course, even just a little when I know better. I do. Once again, I affirm the covenant with the ultimate covenant keeper and say - yes, I do believe you, God.'

At 44 still a child of God just as when you were 4.4.;)

Well, the good thing is you know it and you can repent of wrong thinking, just like I need to. Blessings in 2011.