South Africa, Ubuntu Theology, Tutu and Mandela

Many of you know that I am South African. Africa has a way of never letting one go. Talk to anyone who has been there. It almost haunts your soul - it is alive, eclectic, colorful, dramatic, hopeful and yet also devastated in some ways. Above all it is my home. What else matters, really? It is not uncommon for the average citizen of the world to look at Africa's politics and laugh - known for bribery, dictators and confusion it could be easy to miss something. South Africa has the fingerprints of Bishop Desmond Tutu all over it. It has the shadow of Nelson Mandela falling all around it. Can you imagine. Two of the great statesmen of the world. Nothing swells my heart quite so much as being able to talk with pride about the influence of two such leaders. Yet...

I am troubled right now. Violence has long been a part of life there. Yet, so has a wonderful life style. Political tension is just always at a simmer. Yet, so has been some of the most incredible reconciliation ever known to humanity. Poverty is around every corner. Yet, so is unbelievable wealth. People are dying of aids and other more preventable disease. Yet, research that is changing the world is also pouring out of South Africa. Some go hungry. Others enjoy some of the best culinary experiences on the planet. Contrasts. Disequilibrium. Hope and Fear coexist on a daily basis. I am most troubled currently by the attacks on immigrants that are pouring into South Africa from other troubled African countries. The random Zimbabwean street vendor that is trying to make a living is the new target. Refugees or immigrants seeking a better life have always been high risk, but this xenophobia has reached such epic proportions in South Africa that it is getting international attention.

And in my idealistic little world it should be different there. What about Ubuntu? This is a country that claims Ubuntu theolgoy. In trying to define Ubuntu, Bishop Desmond Tutu has said, “A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed.” It has roots in an old Zulu maxim “umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu” – a person is a person through other persons. In the African context it speaks to the idea that the person one is to become through divine design happens by behaving among others in worthy and respectful ways. Those who uphold these principles will in death also achieve unity with those still living. There is an inextricable bond between humanity, ancestors and the Supreme Being. Inseparable as Christianity and Ubuntu are it is impossible to miss how African ancestral influences and Eastern mysticism have shaped his theology.

At its very basic level, this African belief articulates a respect and compassion for others. It is both descriptive (being in community with others) and prescriptive (how to be in community with others). The term Ubuntu then functions as both a factual description and a rule of conduct or social ethic. It becomes very apparent that this theology sees community as an essential aspect to personhood. Grounded in the deep sense of community that is intrinsic to African life this is no surprise. Tutu is quoted as saying, “we can be human only in community, in koinonia, in peace.” He shows that human beings are defined not by their race but by their createdness in God’s own image. It is this that brings value and dignity to all people. Some have even used the word “humanness” to define Ubuntu. This is accurate but very different from what one may understand as Western Humanism. Where Humanism will deny or underestimate the importance of the “religious”, Ubuntu is wholly dependent on it. The spiritual can not be separated in life or death in the African experience.

As a social, political and religious ethic, consensus plays a central role in Ubuntu. Traditional African democracy is a system far different to Western Democracy. It often ignores Majority Rule in favor of the pursuit of reconciliation and consensus. It usually takes the form of lengthy discussions and meetings. Hours and hours of talking between community leaders is a prerequisite. Every person gets an equal chance to talk until some kind of agreement or consensus is reached. Western intervention to bring resolution to various issues in Africa has often disrupted this organic process and the results have been disastrous. The African term “simunye” translated as “we are one” or “unity is strength” can be found in the media, literature, and the common vernacular. While Bishop Tutu has frequently spoken out against the tyrannical rule and dictatorship of some African countries, it must be noted that within the framework of “consensus above all”, people can become exploited in order to enforce group solidarity. While Ubuntu seeks to always elevate human dignity, it has a potentially dark side in terms of its demands for conformity and loyalty to the group. I think understanding this gives the observer greater insight into the often misgoverned and mismanaged countries of the African continent.
In his role in the rebuilding of post-Apartheid South Africa, Bishop Tutu has modeled a version of Ubuntu that has authentic respect for human dignity and honest appreciation for diversity and difference. He is credited with giving the new South Africa the name “The Rainbow Nation.” Behind this term is the belief that individuals in their distinctiveness are regarded firstly because they reflect the image of the creator and secondly because dignifying humanity is essential for peace and thus when all the diverse peoples and their gifts come to the table, a rainbow is created. There can be harmony while respecting diversity.

If consensus is so paramount it may make one wonder how to reconcile this spirit with the very real violence that still plagues South Africa. I do not think Ubuntu will explain away all struggles. However, I think if one considers the unique manner in which South Africa transitioned from a country of Apartheid to multi-party democracy it is evident that something more than smart politics was at play. The emergence of solidarity and an ethos of reconciliation in the midst of the transition led to cohesive values in a country previously defined as splintered at best. Crime or violence aside, it is not hard to see examples of the spirit of consensus and mutual care as one studies how African families care for one another, how the poor are cared for by the poor, how older generations take seriously the teaching of younger generations.

Notwithstanding his previous accomplishments, it is in the very emerging of a new South Africa that Bishop Tutu’s impact has been most felt. Out of Ubuntu theology he held out the goal of consensus and reconciliation in order for the people of South Africa to heal and be more fully human. As Chairman of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission he convened the Commission into three sub categories in order to provide a traveling forum for people to tell their stories of human rights abuses during the Apartheid years. The commission’s intention above all was to grant amnesty for crimes perpetrated based on political actions during that time. Bishop Tutu did not want a war tribunal, but a forum for healing. In an article entitled, “Why to Forgive” he says, “forgiveness is not turning a blind eye to wrongs; true reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the pain, the hurt, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end only an honest confrontation with reality can bring healing.” Stories were told of secret acts done by both the Apartheid government and liberation forces that resulted in abuses. No one was exempt. After a three year period, hundreds had been given amnesty, thousands of people had the opportunity to be heard, many families of victims and perpetrators forgave each other and a report was prepared. The extensive document was presented to the Government and in its final recommendations made motions for national apologies by previous Heads of State, for Memorials to victims, and very significantly and most human, for opportunities for history and the stories to be retold. In the midst of a very institutional structure, Bishop Tutu managed the process with heart and the human touch right up until the concluding pages of the Commission Report. In an interview about the process of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, Bishop Tutu is quoted as saying,
“I have come to realize the extraordinary capacity for evil that all of us have, because we have now heard the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, and there have been revelations of horrendous atrocities that people have committed. Any and every one of us could have perpetrated those atrocities. The people who were perpetrators of the most gruesome things didn't have horns, didn't have tails. They were ordinary human beings like you and me. That's the one thing. Devastating! But the other, more exhilarating than anything that I have ever experienced -- and something I hadn't expected -- to discover that we have an extraordinary capacity for good. People who suffered untold misery, people who should have been riddled with bitterness, resentment and anger come to the Commission and exhibit an extraordinary magnanimity and nobility of spirit in their willingness to forgive, and to say, "Hah! Human beings actually are fundamentally good." Human beings are fundamentally good. The aberration, in fact, is the evil one, for God created us ultimately for God, for goodness, for laughter, for joy, for compassion, for caring.”

Nkosi Sikeleli-Afrika (God Bless Africa)!

What Does God Care About?

Do you ever wonder what God cares about. Often I hear people praying and thanking God for being in every small detail. Other times I hear people speaking of God like he is a vending machine - the great dispenser of goods. I have friends who pray for "the peace and love of God to cover people and situations" instead of specific requests. My Mother prayed for parking spaces and got them most of the time. People struggle with trying to discern the will of God on jobs, moves, mates, money etc and only take steps once they think God has spoken. I, on the other hand am more inclined to think that God's will for us is to be increasingly more like Him and I do not spend too much time trying to discern if I should turn left or right.

I know this is a larger discussion than we can have via blog comments - it is shaped by how you see God...how you see the role of prayer....whether you are more contemplative than intercessory in your praying...discernment....providence - so many things.

What is your response?

Friendship

My heart is turned to friendship currently. Sunday is the last day our current Worship Minister will lead worship and his family will move from Amarillo by the end of the month. His wife and I are super close and she is one of my closest friends ever. We are all thrilled for them because they are moving closer home and their precious girls can be closer to their grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. They are also going to a church where Steven can use his guitar gifts and lead instrumental worship. You know that feeling of being so happy for someone and just so sad because of the loss all at the same time.

And it has me reflecting on friendship. My friend Scott sent me an article to read, actually a chapter of a book, a few months ago. It was talking about the spiritual aspects of friendship and the way we befriend others. I am intrigued by relationships and feel most alive in the midst of intimate relationships. All that to say I have been pondering these thoughts for a while and they are finally coming together.

Tonight we had a time of blessing and goodbye for Steven and Ange and as we all sat around and spoke words of affirmation and love to them I was struck by how powerful times like that are. As our preacher Dan spoke to Steven, he said that "Steven had the ability to make the people around him better." Dan was specifically referring to the fact that he feels like a better preacher because of the kind of worship minister Steven is. That is a powerful affirmation.

Ange I will miss hanging out with you. I love you. We have shared so much. You crack me up. You challenge me. You make me feel normal (hee hee). You're an angel!

How does friendship make you a better person?

Deep Thoughts at Starbucks

While having coffee at Starbucks today with my friend Matthew, he made a statement that resonated with me in such a powerful way that I wanted to share it. He said,

"while our culture is telling us to go and find ourselves, Christ calls us to lose ourselves in Him."

Think about that and really let it soak in.
What do you think?

The Life and Times of Michaela Kasselman

No, I did not omit her middle name -- she does not have one. Nor do I.
May 1st 1996 I gave birth to Michaela. That makes her 12. Wow.

I thought I would tell you a little about her as a way of celebrating her life and the fact that I get to be her Mom. Wow again.

Michaela has a head of gorgeous dark brown wavy hair - it is just beautiful. It compliments her bright smile and lively eyes.
She has been blessed with a beautiful singing voice and enjoys being in choir at school and the Amarillo Youth Choir. She loves being on the junior praise team that leads worship for ABC Express (Kids church). Seeing her gifts used to the glory of God makes my heart feel so full.
She is smart, logical and analytical (yes, that is from her Dad).
She has great comedic timing for a child her age and routinely cracks us up.
She is a loyal and good friend. If you are her friend, you are her friend for life.
She struggles to get going in the morning, but manages to be on time for school everyday.
She is very comfortable with leaving her shoes next to her shoe rack instead of placing them on the rack, therein giving me something to remind her about.
With equal ease is the ability to accumulate random pieces of gum and candy in every purse she owns -- like a chipmunk storing things for the Winter.
Her clothes tend to gather around her chair in her room until the parentals suggest they get put up.
She is into no-fuss clothing. Shorts, T's, Jeans, hoodies, flip flops - she owns one skirt and 2 dresses.
She is a fun big sister to Spencer.

And some of her favorites are: Webkinz; Youtube; Drake and Josh; Wizards of Waverly Place; iCarly; The Books Pretties, Uglies etc; Harry Potter; American Idol especially DAVID COOK; Apples to Apples; Vitamin Water; Cinnamon Rolls; Becky's Cookies; Buffalo Wild Wings; Lettuce Wraps at Pei Wei; hanging out with friends; Ascension Academy; ACU Camps; Hidden Falls Camp; Music - lots of kinds; her phone; brownies; milk tart; poppyseed chicken -- oh lots of things.

Just a window into the world of my baby girl, oh, I mean 12 year old daughter.

The Message of the Gospel?

It is not uncommon around church circles, for people to have various takes on "what is the gospel." We can all answer, Good News. But what does that mean? I believe, the gospel is this:
God, the creator, sent His son, Jesus, in the flesh to redeem humanity back to Himself through his death and resurrection in order for us to live in intimate community with Him.

I can nuance the phrases and add more meat to it, but bottom line, that is where I stand on the gospel. Incarnation. Redemption. Reconciliation.

But what about hope? You like me have heard the lessons and have taught them. So often I have thought "if only those people knew Christ, their life would be hopeful and fulfilled." Interesting. I am beginning to think that is not as true as I would like it to be. If knowing Christ brings fulfilled lives, then our churches would be full of people who would circle "fulfilled" on the great survey of life. And, the flip side is that non-believers would be desperate in their hopelessness and unfulfillment. Not exactly true. Take Oprah. She is intensely spiritual, not a Christian in my estimation, but a God lover for sure. Do you think she sees her life as hopeless and unfulfilled. What about Katie Couric, Diane Sawyer, Barbara Walters - none of them known Christians and none of them wailing in their own hopelessness or unfulfillment either. What about the guy across the road from me. Nice guy. Friendly. Kind. Non-Christian. Happy. Hopeful. Fulfilled.

Now it would be naive to believe this to be the case in every situation. The world is full of hopelessness and lack of fulfillment. But here is my point. I think if we are going to spread the good news about Christ, it needs to be about what life looks like with Christ. It needs to be about community, about serving something other than ourselves, about sacrifice, about joy and about the kind of hope that comes from Christ. We can not assume that all people who do not know Christ are unhappy, miserable, unfulfilled and hopeless. Many have dandy lives. Our job is to help them see that when our stories merge with the great story of God, something happens. Something bigger than ourselves, something transformational, something more than happiness.

You may agree or disagree. These are just my musings on a Monday morning. I just wonder if what we sometimes spread as good news, is underwhelming to people. If all we are promising is fulfillment and God as the ultimate vending machine, that may not be that attractive to a people who are already quite happy with life. However, if our good news calls them to something more in life, we may have some takers.

Thanks for the Input...paper completed....i've been tagged

1. Thank you so much for the insights you shared on my last post.  For those who commented and emailed I appreciate it all!!!

2. I am breathing a little easier today as my final two assignments for the semester are now out of my hands and I can check that off the to-do-list.

3.  My friend Gena has tagged me.  I will answer those questions below.  

I have tagged several of you previously, so I am going to break the rules and just respond to being tagged but not tag anyone else...sorry Gena!

Here are 7 random facts about myself:

1. I am allergic to most dairy products and shellfish
2. I have ridden an ostrich, with help....
3.I am not an outdoorsy person...I am so afraid of bugs, grasshoppers especially, that it is no fun
4. I would buy a necklace over a pair of shoes any day
5. I believe that most of life is more tolerable with a cup of hot tea, British style, in one's hand
6. Just being close to the ocean lowers my anxiety level...my theory is that if you are born by the ocean you long for it in a deeply spiritual way
7. I love organizing things: drawers, cabinets, closets, projects, etc.  It takes me to my happy place.

Blog Post 200! - Accountability groups

I am finishing up a paper and would like a little feedback if any of you readers have a moment.
If you have been in an accountability group or spiritual formation group, what size do you prefer? 2 or 3 or even 4 people?
Have you used specific questions when meeting, like renovare's or some other resource?
Do you meet weekly?
How has/did this experience shape you more into the image of Christ?
What are the landmines?
If you have not been in one is this by choosing or circumstance?

If you do not comment usually, would you mind doing it this time. Or, if you are not registered on blogger, would you mind doing that and just dropping me a comment? Thank you.
I really appreciate this!!!!

King of Kings and Lord of Lords

Someone is always telling you to go and listen to a sermon online and you may think about it and never do it, or you may think the suggestion is ludicrous to begin with.

However, indulge me. If you have 25 minutes or so go to amarillocentral.org and listen to Dan Bouchelle's sermon from today, April 6th. I think the title is "Take me to your leader." It may only be up there tomorrow, I am not sure. Either way do it.

During times like these when politics feels like it is going to choke the life out of us, Dan brings a word from God that is convicting, uplifting, prophetic and hard.

What are you listening to?

Every now and again I like to hear what you are listening to. Some of my favorites currently are: (now that doesn't mean they are all current)

These Hard Times (Matchbox 20)
Billie Jean (David Cook)
Won't Go Home Without You (Maroon 5)
When You Look Me in the Eyes (Jonas Brothers...I know :-))
Feels like Tonight (Daughtry)
New Soul (Yael Naim)
Unwritten (Natasha Beddingfield)

anticipation...abundance...disorientation...reorientation

I have tried to blog several times about my Come Before Winter renewal experience, and then about Easter, and The Shack, but I just don't have the words.
A friend asked me today about blogging about the Canada renewal and I said that I can't seem to find the words (which for those who know me, is funny, right). His response was spot on and I quote, "Transcendent events are hard to describe." That is it. Exactly. For all of the above.

I had such great expectations for our renewal and the women who would be attending. By the time they arrived at the site, I was almost beside myself. And God did the most amazing things. Life, truth, blessing, confession, sharing, laughing, love - it all happened in abundance. All expectations were shattered in amazing ways. Then when I arrived home, I realized that I did not have a way to share how I was feeling about the renewal. It felt so disorienting to have this experience that I could not translate into my regular life. Words just wouldn't do it justice. So, I think I have a treasure in my heart and in some strange way it seems most appropriate to leave it right there.

As for The Shack. Just go ahead and read it. You will be blown away and nothing I can write will make it more impactful. Now, do not think it is the final theological word on suffering or trinity - this is a novel. However, open yourself to the metaphor and allow God to speak to you and give you insights through it. What a blessing.

And then there is Easter. Reorientation. Nothing brings you back to center quite like the story of Jesus. Once again, a recurring theme here, my words are inadequate. Go to amarillocentral.org and listen to Dan's sermon from yesterday. God poured through him in incredible ways yesterday.
I am reminded of the hymn that says,
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell
The guilty pair, bowed down with care
God gave His Son to win
His erring child He reconciled
And pardoned from his sin
Could we with ink the ocean fil
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints' and angels' song

I am praying for more opportunities with Come Before Winter and feel like God has led me to a ministry where my gifts are well suited and where I can grow and stretch in new ways also. Seeing the impact on these women who will impact their husbands, their children, their churches, their ministries, their world. It is such an incredible blessing.

Canada

I leave tomorrow for Canada to serve on a Come before Winter renewal. I can not believe it is here.
If you read this blog and think about it over the next 10 days please can I ask you to pray over this renewal retreat for us.
Pray for hearts that are open to receive.
Pray for a refreshing time for all who attend.
Pray for God to show up in ways that minister directly into the hearts of these women.
Pray for my family while I am gone and join me in giving thanks for a husband who cares so deeply about my ministry passion and calling, that he will do double duty in the parenting dept.

I am not taking my computer, eek...can I survive??? I will share this experience when I return.

This 'n That

1. I have a post brewing on the book , The Shack. What an incredible read. I have been so moved and engaged by this book. Let me say it one more time, incredible!

2. Are conservative talk radio hosts really trying to get Republicans to vote for Hilary
in an attempt to set up the race to be Hilary/McCain because McCain has a better chance of winning against her than Obama.
Don't even get me started......

3. I feel so blessed to have spent time with good friends this week, kinda' getting my fill before I leave town for 10 days.....a warm fire and coffee with Cathy Burns, breakfast with Missy and Ange, Lunch and laughs with Allyson, lunch and sharing with Karen, extended coffee and heart conversation with Adam, lunch with Michelle, wedding talk with Bek, getting to hold Cassie's baby Matthew and see Mandie's delightfully alive eyes, laughing that Ange is now an old woman in old woman Jeans, finally giving Missy her birthday present 2 months late. Wow - I pinch myself and say is this my life.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

22 years today. Wow. I can hardly get my mind around that.
So in the spirit of being married 22 years on the 22nd of 02 (Feb) let me list 22 reasons being married to David is just a celebration!

1.He's pretty cute....especially with that salt and pepper hair thing going
2.He's smart
3.And quirky enough that I feel like I have company
4.He is responsible
5.And always looking out for the best for the kids and I
6.He makes a mean cup of tea and we always have 10 o'clock tea at night
7.He enjoys an adventure
8.Loves to travel
9.He'll eat anything
10.But appreciates good food
11.And will watch Food Network with me
12.He does special things for me like putting candles around the bath, leaving me love notes under the pillow etc
13.He is a practical joker - can't count the number of plastic bugs that I have found in my bed
14.He is far from a giggler, but when we laughs it makes you laugh too
15.He is thoughtful
16.Faithful
17.Prayerful
18.Considerate
19.And has one of the highest work ethics of anyone I know
20.His integrity is beyond question
21.He is still on the journey and a life learner with the sole purpose of being more like Jesus
22.And you know what comes here - but to prevent blog spam I will omit the word!

Happy Birthday Spencer

What a blessing Spencer has been to our lives! I can barely believe he is 7 today. He is a unique mix of tender heart and hilarious antics. He is crazy about Star Wars right now. He thinks his sister hung the moon. Frequently we find him hamming it up in front of the mirror.

An enemy of the cross

I have just had the huge joy of spending the weekend at the pretreat for my Come before Winter trip to Canada in March. We spent time in worship, prayer and study. As we read Phillippians over and over again, I feel like the phrase "enemy of the cross" just kept resonating with me.

I think it is too easy for us to think of those who do not follow Christ as "enemies of the cross" but I don't think that is what Paul is getting at here. Read the letter again and ask questions of the text.

Is it perhaps a little more like this....
when we don't submit ourselves to the way of the cross;
when we don't get along;
when we are not prepared to empty ourselves of our rights for the sake of others;
when we are so wrapped up in the stuff of image, possessions or status...

then we are the enemy of the cross.

It has me thinking about living in such a way that my life is a witness to the cross not an enemy of it.

Distractions

Today in worship our Worship Minister Steven, shared a little about how easily we get distracted. He chose to do this based on a situation that had happened just a few minutes earlier and was not part of his plan for the day. However, it tied in so well to the sermon that came later about hearing the small, still voice of God and choosing to obey and not be distracted, that I keep mulling it over.

I have always thought the real issue at play with Mary and Martha, was not the active versus contemplative personalities, but rather Martha's inability to focus on Jesus without the distraction of the preparations.

Distractions I believe, are perhaps the greatest hurdle to me spending quality time with God as regularly as He would like.

If......

My blog friend Preacherman had a similar post to this on his blog this week. It made me think. I have changed it up a bit, so I invite your responses.

If you could change one thing about yourself what would that be? But because of all the jokers in my world, let me ask you not to include nose jobs, liposuction etc. I mean something real :-)

To be named or to self-claim?

Dan preached another incredible sermon on Sunday. I am still mulling it over. You know the message is great when it keeps coming back and God speaks through it.
He preached from the Genesis texts covering the Tower of Babel and the Call of Abram. One may wonder where the connection point is. He did a great job of contrasting the people building the Tower of Babel, so eager to make a name for themselves, versus Abram who is promised a name and future by God.

Dan threw out some current scenarios where we are so busy making names for ourselves, building our towers, managing our images, our futures, our legacies, our financial security......
Something resonated with me in the deepest part of my heart. These are the questions that it is surfacing in me....
How am I living in such a way that I am concerned about building my tower?
Do I believe God? Not in God, just do I believe God?
In what ways is my language indicative of someone who is overly concerned about reputation, legacy, perception etc etc...
Is the promise and reality of being God's child enough or do I still need to secure my position?
Do earthly things give me identity?
Does the church exist as a tower of safety and ministry for its members or do we join God in His work in the world outside of our churches?

Thoughts?

Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places

Eugene Peterson has a series of 5 books, 2 still unpublished and 3 done. One of which I have already blogged about, Eat This Book. Currently, I am reading Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places. Eugene Peterson has been a longtime favorite of mine. I remember being blown away by Working the Angles back in the early 90's. I still gain fresh insight into scripture from his translation of the Bible, The Message.

Hear this from the introduction.
"The two terms "spiritual" and "theology," keep good company with one another. "Theology" is the attention that we give to God, the effort we give to knowing God as revealed in the Holy Scriptures and in Jesus Christ. "Spiritual" is the insistence that everything that God reveals of himself and his works is capable of being lived by ordinary men and women in their homes and workplaces. "Spiritual" keeps "theology" from degenerating into merely thinking and talking and writing about God at a distance. "Theology" keeps "spiritual" from becoming merely thinking and talking and writing about the feelings and thoughts one has about God. The two words need each other, for we know how easy it is for us to let our study of God (theology) get separated from the way we live; we also know how easy it is to let our desires to live whole and satisfying lives (spiritual lives) get disconnected from who God actually is and the ways he works among us.
Spiritual theology is the attention we give to lived theology - prayed and lived, for if it is not prayed sooner or later it will not be lived from the inside out and in continuity with the Lord of life. Spiritual theology is the attention that we give to living what we know and believe about God. It is the thoughtful and obedient cultivation of life as worship on our knees before God the Father, of life as sacrifice on our feet following God the Son, and of life as love embracing and being embraced by the community of God the Spirit."

Wow, I wish we could hang out at Starbucks for a while and talk about this. Doesn't it make you want to read this book!

A Rule of Life

One of the course requirements for the Christian Spiritual Formation class that I just took was to write a Rule of Life. I loved the assignment. It helped me formulate much of my thinking and really hold up a covenant to God about who I want to be for His glory.

More impactful than I ever would have dreamed, was the time we spent sharing these. Somehow real intimacy developed in a bland classroom with 30+ people sitting in a circle. Unreal. As each person took a turn in popcorn fashion to share their rule, they really shared their heart. Tears began to flow, ministry happened, connections were deepened. It was spectacular. One of our classmates, Chris Chappotin wrote and sang a song as his rule. Some read prose. Others had written prayers.

This is what I wrote.
DISCLAIMER - This is who I want to be...not who I am all the time.

My Rule of Life is based on my favorite quote by Henry Ward Beecher, “It is not well for a man to pray cream and live skim milk.” The underlying principle in how I practice my faith journey is fullness and abundance. As I reflect on the different areas that are significant to me, they are stacked like building blocks. Individually these are all great things, but when they flow out of an intimate relationship with God born out of communion and worship they become sacred.

I desire to be a fully formed disciple of Christ in Spiritual Disciplines.
In my relationship with God I acknowledge that He is already present and I invite him to invade my life and space everyday. That invitation is extended through me being available in prayer, meditation, silence and service. Daily prayer for me is comprised of several different types of prayer usually all in an ongoing conversational style: The centering prayer when I feel myself getting out of control; Lifting up prayer requests on behalf of people and situations; Praying a verse or phrase when it enters my mind. Even though I know I need to develop the contemplative side of my prayer life more, I have found taking time once a week for meditative, contemplative prayer fits the rhythm of my life better than trying to do it on a daily basis.

I desire to be a fully formed disciple of Christ in how I respond to the Spirit.
In my relationship with the Holy Spirit I acknowledge that my heart and my intellect are best led when I am actively communing with the Father. Out of a life connected to God I will seek to respond to the promptings of the Spirit that lead me to serve, pray for, seek out, surprise and encourage others.
Also out of a rich inner life, I acknowledge that the Holy Spirit can change my heart, my will, my desires and the fruit that my life produces. Instead of trying harder, relying on will power or even Spiritual Mountain top experiences I seek the real transforming power of the Spirits work on my life.

I desire to be a fully formed disciple of Christ in how I see my neighbor.
In my relationships with the people my life touches I acknowledge that I am a more useful tool for God when I am communing with Him and in tune with the Spirit. When I am aware of the role God wants me to play in any given person’s life it is a more fulfilling and rich experience. My life is full of different types of relationships and they all need something slightly different.
As a wife I want the Fruit of the Spirit to define all my actions, attitudes and behaviors.
As a mother I seek to point my children to Jesus and provide ways for them to enter a real relationship with Him.
As a friend I seek to always live in the truest form of community.
As a minister my goal is to see others move from believer to disciple.
As a resident of Amarillo I seek to see the hurting in my city and do what I can where I am.
As a member of the global community I want to live in such a way that I am making a difference in the world for those who suffer the most.


I desire to be a fully formed disciple of Christ with my resources.
Extravagant Generosity – this is the legacy handed down to me from my Mother and I seek to continue living in such a way.
Faithful Stewardship – taking seriously the commitment to tithe my income and give over and above to other causes.
Hospitality - to family, friends, church members and strangers. We acknowledge the blessing of our home and all our possessions and seek to use what we have as a way of blessing others. I desire to have people feel loved and honored when they leave our home.
Conserving – by recycling and limiting waste we are trying to honor creation.

Have you done one of these? Share your thoughts?

Texas

I know, you are scratching your head wondering what this foreigner is going to say about Texas. I got this email forward today and it made me smile. In fact it was way longer with tons of funny things on it, but I am just going to post the first part. Seriously, I never thought I would see the day that Jeff Foxworthy's name appeared on my blog :-)

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas...

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas;

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas;

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas;

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas;

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas;

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas;

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas;

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas;

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas;

If you find 60 degrees "a little chilly," you may live in Texas;

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas

Surreal Moments from the last week or so.....

1. Seeing Jess and Brad together.

2. Eating lunch with a fellow Grad Student while in Abilene - but the fellow student is the son of some of our good friends from Coppell and I could be his mother. But there we were sharing thoughts, talking about professors, ministry, books etc like peers. Amazing.

3. Having multiple "Church of Christ everyone really is only separated by 6 degrees" moments.

4. Entertaining the idea of taking Advanced Restoration History with Doug Foster in Zagreb, Croatia. How small can our world shrink too....

5. Seeing a picture taken by our friends the Roberts' of my childhood home in South Africa. Phew what a flood of memories in one picture.

6. Thinking about the fact that my Mom died 5 years ago. Sometimes it feels like forever and sometimes like yesterday.

Prayer for Divine Comfort (Augustine of Hippo 354-430)

My Holy Lord and God,
You are most majestic and most excellent, most strong and most omnipotent.
You are most merciful and most fair; most hidden and most truly present.
You are stable, yet without foundation; permanent, yet flexible in all things.
You change Your ways, leaving Your plans unchanged; You recover what You have never lost.
You are never young, yet never old; always searching, yet possessing all of creation
You are always working, ever at rest:
Restoring, Sustaiing, and Protecting;
Creating, Nourishing, and Developing;
Drawing all things to You, yet needing nothing.
You are never in need but rejoice at Your gains; You are never greedy, yet You demand a return.
Men try to pay more than is required to make you a debtor;
yet who can possess anything at all which is not already Yours?
You owe men nothing, yet You are faithful as if in debt to Your own creature,
when you cancel debts you have lost nothing.
You love, yet without prejudice; You are jealous, yet attentive;
Yet, O my God, my life, my holy joy, what is this that I have said?
What can anyone say when he speaks to You? But woe to them that keep silent.
Unless Your ears attend us even in the depths, where should we go? To whom should we cry?
O Lord, deliver us who now call upon You, so that our hearts may rest.
O Lord, seek also those who have not called upon You, so that You also deliver them.
Our hearts were made for You, O Lord, and they are restless until they rest in you.

Class or Retreat?

I am blessed to be posting this from Abilene. Just one day left of our one week intensive class. Regardless of the class topic or length, having the joy of spending time with David Wray is such a blessing that nothing else really matters.
But wow - what a week. So many moments of transparency, authenticity, challenge, struggle, formation, worship, community, joking, crying, praying.
I have several posts brewing in my head right now. But for today, the Breastplate prayer of Patrick of Ireland. Just soak up the richness of the prayer.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,Through confession of the onenessOf the Creator of Creation.
I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the judgment of Doom.
I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,I
n hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.
I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.
I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me from snares of devils,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.
I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.
Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,Through confession of the oneness,Of the Creator of Creation.

I met Chris Chappotin

Hee hee.

Benazir Bhutto

In the global climate in which we live, we all lose with the assassination of Benazir Bhutto.
I keep hearing reports that Bhutto made it almost impossible for security to protect her because she insisted on being among the people, in large crowds. But if she had campaigned or lived her life any other way, she would not have made such a significant mark on the world. That is who she was. At some level, there is just a little less political hope in the world without her.

Call us crazy.....

Call us crazy, just don't call CPS. I am sure people get arrested for stuff like this. Our kids heard the idea of a "totally chocolate dinner" someplace and they have never forgotten it. So, they asked if we could have a "totally dessert dinner" on Christmas night. Michaela baked that awesome looking Mud Pie on the table. Together they made the Oreo Fluff which is in the bowl next to the pudding. There are also chocolate octopus cookies behind the Mud Pie that Michaela made. The remaining items were by their request and courtesy of Wal-mart. I know, I know - we have had plenty of protein and veggies since then :-)

Critters Christmas

Disney-Cat and Diego-Dog enjoying their Christmas pressies

Christmas Joy

The kids opening gifts - Webkinz...the Wii & Guitar Hero. Life is sweet.

Kasselman Family Holiday Newsletter 2007

Dear Friends and Family
So this is the latest that the Kasselman newsletter has ever made an appearance, I do apologize. But why? Let me count the ways…
1. About a month ago I dated something 1996. Clearly I am not ready for December 2007.
2. It stayed warm so long before the winter weather hit, it just felt like summer.
3. Once I missed my first deadline on getting it done, I grew very comfortable with missing the next 17 I had given myself.
So you get the picture. Then came the inspiration issue. As I like to say, “got nothing for you.” I tried to write this letter several times but it either sounded like some newspaper report or a report on how perfectly great our kids and life was. And due to the fact that we prefer to deal in reality that was not an option. So, I got creative…a poem – not good. A monthly look at the life of the Kasselmans – exponentially worse. A song – seriously it was bad. Just as I was about to tip the cheese factor over to a place of no recovery I stopped. I decided to cut the cute and just write a letter. So here goes.

2007 has been a ….year! I turned 40, ouch and we celebrated 21 years of marriage. Spencer went to 1st grade and that felt like real school compared to Kindergarten. Michaela entered 6th grade at a new school and we got our first dog. The dog about put me over the edge. Dogs seem so domestic – like what grown ups own, you know, parents have dogs. David reminded me we are parents, grown ups, 40+ and domestic already. Okay, point taken. Our dog, Diego is not just any dog you see. He is a dorkie. I have not taken up name calling – he really is. On his birth certificate mind you. A yorkie/daschund mix. Disney, our cat meows “Dork” to him and I don’t think it is because she forgets the “ie.” Her life has been altered in ways she never dreamed about.

In my attempt to avoid the travel log or kid achievement version of newsletters, I wanted just to share 4 things that have made our year special.
1. At spring break this year, we bust out the free Delta passes that we received after being bumped off a flight of theirs last year and off we headed to Seattle, WA. We crashed the home of our old College buddies, Mike and Dena Johnson for a week and it was fabulous. Their 5 kids and our 2, plus the 4 adults made for a fun week together. The treasure on this trip was seeing our kids all become friends. How great is that?

2. David led a mission team to Nicaragua this summer. After being in Paraguay last summer and seeing some of the hardships there he felt prepared for this trip but was met with some of the hardest living conditions that he had ever seen. The team did good work, met great people and as always happens on mission trips, came away feeling like they had received more than they had given.

3. The summer. I know this is a no brainer. What is not to like about lazy days and no school schedule. But this was different. We added a nephew, Matthew, who married my niece Rachel in the most beautiful wedding ever.

4. School. Michaela started 6th grade at a College Prep faith based school here in town. So far it seems like a great fit for her. It provides a good academic challenge but also places great emphasis on the Arts and so she gets to enjoy her music interests also. Spencer just slid into 1st grade like butta’. His precious teacher seems to have unlocked a window of learning in him like we never expected. He has fallen in love with books and reading although can still use them as rocket launchers, Frisbees and step stools when needed. I have continued in my graduate studies through ACU. I feel so alive and healthy in the context of school. I love the books, the conversations, the challenges. Some I love more than others, but overall it is just great.

Spencer is doing Basketball for the first time and seems to be enjoying that. He is losing teeth and growing like a weed. He started Piano lessons and seems to really love that. He has not lost his moves and for those of you have seen him bust it out to Toby Mac or KJ-52 he is still the Little Rapper Boy! I think the music gene is in him also! Michaela is still singing with the Amarillo Youth Concert Choir for Girls and is also in their show choir Pizzazz. She stopped Piano this year because of adding the show choir and the increased homework load of 6th grade. However, she still plays around on the keyboard and helps Spencer a lot. Because her new school is so small she also has the opportunity of playing sports there which is a nice change from music, music, music. She too has grown like crazy and we can not keep her in clothes and shoes!!! David is still loving his role as Executive Minister at Central and I think has really found his sweet spot. We have just completed our 6th year here in Amarillo. Amazing.

Really the only thing that matters at the end of the day or year, in this case, is time spent with the ones you love, and the One who loves us & lives that look increasingly more like His.

Have a great Christmas and New Year and as we always say, come and see us!
David, Arlene, Michaela, Spencer, Disney-Cat and Diego-Dog Kasselman.

(PS Michaela is in her Rock and Roll Show Choir uniform and Spencer is being an elf)

Eat This Book by Eugene Peterson

I have just finished this book today and it was an amazing read. Hear these words from Peterson in the section dedicated to Lectio Divina. Get this book, read it, eat it.

Contemplation means submitting to the biblical revelation, taking it within ourselves, and then living in unpretentiously, without fanfare.. It doesn't mean (and these are the stereotyped misunderstanding) quiet, withdraw, secluded, serene, or benign. It has nothing to do with whether we spend our days as a grease monkey under an automobile or on our knees in a Benedictine choir. It doesn't mean "having it all together." It doesn't mean being emotionally and mentally well-balanced.
Contemplatives fly off the handle, make bad judgments, speak out mistakenly and regret their words, run stoplights an get speeding tickets. Contemplatives get depressed, get confused, get fat, get lost, and sometimes don't get it at all. "Contemplative" is not a term of achievement. It is not a badge of merit.
Contemplative is a designation that any one of us can accept for ourselves and one that we all should. We will never read and live the Bible rightly if we don't. Lectio divina anticipates and assumes contemplation. If it makes us feel better to attach the adjective "failed" I have no objection. Failed contemplative. All contemplatives are failed contemplatives. But the word itself, whether as adjective or noun, stands: contemplative.
Contemplation means living what we read, not wasting any of it or hoarding any of it. but using it up in living.

Come before Winter

In March I am travelling with the Come before Winter team to do a renewal retreat for women in ministry on the mission field in Canada. What an incredible opportunity to join these amazing women. I am so excited about the opportunity.

Last night I shared this with our elders in their meeting and they prayed over me and I feel so confirmed in this ministry opportunity. If any of you would like to check out their website it is: www.comebeforewinter.org

Spiritual Formation at the Kasselmans, Kinda'

I have never felt less equipped for the challenge of parenting as I do right now with a Middle Schooler. Everything seems to be weighted with future consequences and I feel like I am second guessing myself all the time...I may make a fatal mistake and mess things up in significant ways. David keeps the balance and reminds me that many a child has survived and thrived with worse parenting and our children too will be okay. Okay?? Who wants okay, can you define okay. You get the picture...I am a little paranoid right now :-)

One of those challenges is how to have some semblance of family devotional time with a 6 year old and a 6th grader. Yes, we can do our own thing with each of them at bedtime, but I was looking for something more family like. Our church has a bible reading program called MyWord but that did not seem to be working well for us, so back to the drawing board I went.

Finally I came up with a calendar that I drew up that has 4 nights of activity per week based around a theme. Meditation Monday, Terrific Tuesday, Thoughtful Thursday and Feeling Friday. I know a little cheesy, but the kids love it. Tuesdays are for sharing something terrific about the theme of the week, Thursday is an action day of doing something for someone else also determined by the theme of the week and Friday is when we talk about an emotion linked to the theme of the week. Monday is our scripture for the week and the other days are the living out of the ideas in the Monday passage through service and reflection. Are you with me? One goal being that it is an avenue for Michaela to share because she is emotionally quite a closed child. Spencer not so much.

Meditation Monday is quite fascinating. We read a Psalm aloud, read it again silently to ourselves and then read it again. We sit for a minute or two (this is a 6 year old and a 6th grader remember) and think about what we have read. We all have a turn to then share what stands out to us in the passage. The idea is to begin teaching the idea of meditating on scripture or a very basic version of lectio divinia.

Well last night, we did Psalm 23 and Michaela shared first about how cool the idea of living with God forever is. When we asked her why, she very matter of factually said, "you are living forever with your creator - that is pretty awesome." (insert - seriously, could you guys not see that?) Not really. And then Spencer started. Oh my!
"Well the part I like is this...He leads me beside quiet waters."
His voice getting softer and more sappy.
"I...I..I just like the quiet water part."
Eyes down at the text, serious face. A few seconds of silence and then insert a loud, dramatic voice
"It is not crashing and kabooming and whooshing water. It is like a lake, a stream"
Back to the golf commentator tone -
"It is calm. I just like that part."
We affirmed that and asked a question about it to which he responded.
"Well God is with us in the easy things and the hard things. Hard things like when the dog bites me or the cat attacks me. Or I have to crawl in dark places???"
Yes, we said and perhaps also harder things like when there is an illness or someone dies. Michaela suggested times like when Nana died.
David and I could not look at each other because we were ready to bust out laughing.
Calm waters, animal attacks, dark places all in a quivery voice...
How did we get such a "to the point" daughter and overly emotional son?

Both kids observations out of Psalm 23 were great. Thankfully there is no right way to do this. Just being together around the word matters.

Open to Receive

Yesterday was one of those days. My heart was open to receive.

I have had a hard few months struggling with some emotional junk and having God reveal parts of myself that are less attractive and need work. You know those times when you are wading through the complexities of oneself and needing to stay there for clarity and understanding. Over the last two years I feel like I have spent more time here than anywhere. That may not be true - about 2 years ago I had a faith crisis that took several months to work through and this has been more about me and my baggage. God is faithful and I can honestly say I am on the "better" side. With a little help from my friends.

It struck me yesterday in worship that something was different. You know those times when you are clearly more open to receive the word and ministry of God into your life. I met God in worship like I had not done in a while. That was good. Last night we got to go and hear Tquan Moore from Houston in concert. He served as a youth minister with several guys who work here in the Amarillo area while they were all in Houston. He is launching a music career - just a guy and his guitar. I love that. He has a new version of Here We Are But Straying Pilgrims and it really resonated with me. Can't say I have ever loved this song but I heard something in the lyrics that I haven't heard before. I'm not a huge fan of theology that paints the Christian life on earth as nothing but struggle and the only goal is heaven when things will be good. I believe we enter now into the abundance of eternity - you know the already but not yet. So bearing that in mind still consider these words.

Here we are but straying pilgrims
Here our path is often dim
But to cheer us on our journey
Still we sing this wayside hymn
Yonder over the rolling river
Where the shining mansions rise
Soon will be our home for ever
And the smile of the blessed Giver
Gladdens all our longing eyes
Here our feet are often weary
On the hills that throng our way
Here the tempest darkly gathers
But our hearts within us say
Here our souls are often fearful
Of the pilgrim's lurking foe
But the Lord is our defender
And He tells us we may know

Books

I hope that we always have books. I love their covers. I love opening one for the first time. I don't dog ear pages. I do highlight and write in them sometimes. The Scholastic book fair is currently happening at my son's school. It is energizing to me to see the library stuffed to capactity with cases of colorful new books. I guess that is what has me going about books right now. I think too I am contemplating a good holiday read. What should it be?

My most current reads have been:
Junie B Jones Aloha-Ha
Life on the Vine by Kenneson
Discipleship by Bonhoeffer
Ethics by Bonhoeffer
Christ and the Moral Life by Gustafson
Heroes, Saints and Ordinary Morality by Flescher
The Pigeon Finds a Hotdog

I've dabbled with the Audacity of Hope by Barak Obama and will finish that over the holidays.

So now I need something for the holidays. Any suggestions. Just an fyi I am not into historical fiction or Sci-Fi. So bring on any other ideas.

Blog Soup

(as in a little of this and a little of that)

1. Spencer sitting at the table contemplating the meaning of life..."You know, when you register for Webkinz, your whole life changes. It does. Its amazing." Michaela, David and I crack up and almost roll out of our chairs.

2. Our friends Frank and Nancy moved to Dallas and visited our old church on Sunday. I got a call from Nancy to say, "guess what I just spent 2 hours with your friend Lisa at Starbucks and it was incredible." While talking to Nancy I get a voice mail from Lisa saying, "I just spent the afternoon with your friend Nancy and it was great." I think they can leave out the "your friend" phrase - I'm guessing they are now friends. It makes me so happy!

3. I was moved at seeing my daughters response to her friends crisis yesterday. Her friend's neighbor just had a horrible car wreck and their twins were killed. The twins and Michaela's friend were very close friends. Seeing Michaela enter the pain of another was so awesome to me.

4. The spicy chicken sandwich at Wendy's gives me joy.

5. I am not feeling Christmas yet even if Wal-Mart insists on playing Christmas music already.

6. It is the book fair at Spencer's school. I am reminded every year how much I love books. Love them. The way they feel, the covers, the emotional response I have to them. Yes, I spent a little too much....

Gentleness

It is about time to wrap up the Sunday series from Life on the Vine that I have been teaching. This past Sunday we talked about Gentleness. What an interesting week it was working through that idea. When is the last time you really thought about gentleness. I am not talking about what the word means in Greek, or how it is exhibited in the character of God. I am talking about looking out onto the landscape of your world and identifying people as gentle.
I started out thinking about people that I would call gentle. Sure, most of us have aspects of gentleness in different areas of our lives, but I am talking about someone who so completely models a specific trait that you would slap a label on them and be done (I know labels are bad, just an illustration...like if you knew that can had corn in it, you could label it corn).

Think about it for a moment. Right now. Pause and just let your mind wonder a little. Who would you call gentle? Why? How have you seen this exhibited in their lives?

Here are three observations that I discovered.
1. Our culture does not uphold this trait. You probably had to search your brain for examples of gentleness in your life. I know tons of terrific people..people who are kind, fun, warm, generous but people can be all that and not always gentle.

2. Unlike other fruit of the spirit or virtue traits, this one has such an intangible quality to it. Patience, joy, peace, kindness, love can all be grasped in a way that is different to gentleness. It seems to be the coming together of a way of being that is evident in a person's words, their touch, their face, their demeanor, their eyes. None of which can be manipulated but follow from a heart that is transformed by Christ.

Now this is random and how my strange brain works.....

3. You will be surprised how many large people will come to mind. When I made my list just about everyone on there was 6.2 or bigger. Fascinating to me....probably only me! Well actually when we talked about it in class and people were sharing their experiences of gentleness it became apparent that others had the same experience. But it does make me wonder if there is something to the gentle giant idea:-) It makes me wonder if sometimes tall, imposing people compensate for their presence by developing a gentle spirit. I am not suggesting all large people are gentle, but we were struck by how many gentle people that came to our minds were tall.

I feel God's call to be conscious of my choices and not saturate my life with violence as entertainment, self promotion, power broking and aggression. If we believe God has the best life for us we must conform our lives to the gentle shepherd and the incarnate Christ is surely the best example of gentleness that we have.

I think of Amy Grant who posts on this blog, Winslow Ellis a friend here in Amarillo, David Wray (friend, professor, mentor), Cathy Burns a friend and counselor, my nephew Matthew - just to name a few people who I think are examples of this fruit to me. I am thankful that I can learn from you.

And ps. all of them tall....just saying! (To me you are tall Amy....no short jokes allowed).

UPDATE: My friend Scott emailed me this and I feel compelled to add this to my blog...not sure how I missed mentioning Phil and Debby! He mentioned several people from the Riverside church of Christ in Coppell where we used to work before Central and yes, all of these are great examples of gentleness.
(from his email) How about Phil & Debby (I know, I know--they're not tall)? Don Barnes. Ken & Laquita. Pete Montgomery.

Halloween Better Late than Never

Just thought I'd let you guys see Harry and Hermione aka Spencer and Michaela from Halloween.

Musical Moments

This post may be too sappy for some of you. Don't say I didn't warn you. It is adjective filled.

1. The first musical moment happened in the car driving back to Amarillo from Abilene this past weekend. If you have read this blog for very long, you know how much music means in my life. You have seen the posts about musicians, songs, concerts - I love it all. So here I go again. While driving back from Abilene on Saturday I was thinking about what my favorite song is. I don't prefer that question really because I want to get technical as I answer it. I want to be able to have a favorite in every genre, for different life stages, you get the picture. It is almost impossible to pick just one. However, it struck me that I think if the "pick a favorite song police" ever arrive and try to arrest me for not having one, I can avoid the disaster. I have one. Period. This may shock some of you because I am not usually seen as a "hymn" kinda girl, but read these words and hum the music in your head, it is incredible.

I grew up singing this song at the Methodist school that I attended. We also sang it at the small Church of Christ in South Africa that I attended. We sang it in assemblies at high school and not much more after that. It was not an Abilene song. Occasionally, Craig Noland one of the worship leaders where we worked in Coppell led it. I can hear his incredible voice caressing the words and music. Rarely do we sing it in Amarillo. And quite honestly I think when MercyMe released their version of it 3 or so years ago I fell in love with it again. Their interpretation is my all time favorite. Enjoy these words.

The Love of God

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell
The guilty pair, bowed down with care
God gave His Son to win
His erring child He reconciled
And pardoned from his sin
Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints' and angels' song

2. The second one happened last night. After Michaela's middle school discipleship time I picked her up and we went to Polk Street United Methodist Church for an Organ Concert. Michaela wanted to go because her school choir teacher was singing, her Amarillo Youth Choir pianist was one of the featured Organists and the Conductor was Mr. Rolando Salazar who directed the Prepatory choir she was in. So off we went. I know a middle schooler dragging her Mom to an event like this??? Little did we know what an incredible event it would be. 2 fabulous soloists (one soprano, one mezza soprano)were featured, both having performed from Prague to New York. They now live here in Amarillo and teach at WT. Several amazing Organists played. The WT Chorale sang with the Polk Street Choir. The Philharmonic Orchestra was there - just unreal. The final piece was "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and it was beyond words. I felt tears just running down my face and as I looked at the lady I had made friends with next to me, tears were her response also. The music was so overwhelmingly moving that you almost felt your own heartbeat. The choirs were outstanding. However without a doubt the most amazing element was watching Mr. Salazar conduct. You could see the emotion, the music, the perfection consuming his body and his face. Every part of him was fully present in every note and his body almost danced the music as he conducted. Tears began rolling down his cheeks and it was clear that as a young, professional, freakishly talented man who turned down a position teaching at Julliard to remain in the Panhandle - this was about life and love and faith. The power of music amazes me.

Rugby Happy Dance

We won, we won.. we are the best in the world. Woohoo South Africa. Who would have thought that the group of us South Africans gathered to watch the final together would all be in tears by the end of the trophy presentation. Remember the line from an old 80's song, "wherever I lay my hat, that's my home." It's a lie.

Self Care

I almost hate to post this because I do not want to communicate a message that is individualistic or "all about me" - not even a little bit. In fact I am drawn to this subject because I think with some self care we tend to be better at community.

I had breakfast with a friend on Saturday. She happens also to be one of the best counselors I have ever known. Yes, very good for me. I get "friend therapy". We talked about what it is in us that motivates us to seek approval through the "doing" of things. Good, real, deep, insightful conversation. She made a point, that Dan also mentioned on Sunday. Hurt people, hurt people. We all operate out of our woundedness.

Even those of us who have not had great childhood trauma, we have emotional wounds simply because we have lived. As a child, we are egocentric and while our core personalities are forming we funnel everything through that "I" filter. So, for a child if my parents are always pushing me to do better and never seem pleased with my performance, instead of ascribing that to their issues, I take that on as not being good enough. You fill in the situation and the result is the same.

And I believe the Accuser hurts us where we hurt the most! So, if we believe we are not significant because of the way we attributed a set of feelings and behaviors as a child. We function out of that as an adult. We work, work, work in order for someone to tell us that we are significant. We can spend our whole lives looking for significance and when people do not fill that need our worst fears are confirmed and the cycle continues. How can we possibly function as fully alive disciples living in the extravagance of God's love for us. We can't. In some form or fashion we live out our Christian walk trying to earn God's love, the approval of our church family and hoping to just manage sin at best.

That leads to the idea of self care. Only when we understand this and know that people all around us are struggling in the same way can we begin to grow in health. We can then begin to understand people, and not just label and judge them. When we take the time, risk and energy needed to know ourselves and name our fears that drive us, there is hope. Then we begin the journey to filling our minds and hearts with the attributes of God. When we fully believe that He is enough, sufficient, supreme we can take deep breaths. We can really believe, regardless of what the 6 year old inside our head says, that we are chosen, heirs, elect, children of the King, empowered, filled and loved. Now having that as the go to list in your brain instead of the other is self care.

The other aspect to self care that I love, is God care. Actually it has got nothing to do with self and all to do with God. The result though is a full, alive self. The self is actually cared for and brought to life. The work of God in us. Transforming us into who he wants us to be. A gift, but one that we can pursue. We position ourselves in ways that soak up all he has to offer. We make space for him. We listen during prayer instead of just speaking. We do all we can to be the most open vessel possible for him to fill.

Check This Out

If you read this blog and do not read Greg Kendall-Balls blog, I would like to ask that you link over to his blog and read this post:
http://kendallball.com/2007/09/29/invisible-children-photography-trip

Besides being an incredible thinker and a gifted photographer he is also a friend of ours. Greg literally grew up before my eyes. His family attended church with ours in South Africa. My Mom loved Greg, Jordan and Jenni like they were her own kids.

He is being given an incredible opportunity and if you can help him achieve this please do. Look for the little donate button and if you can give anything at all it will help make this trip a reality.
Thanks!

Heroes Saints & Ordinary Morality

I have just completed a fascinating read by Andrew Flescher, Heroes Saints & Ordinary Morality. It is not a quick read or even an easy one. But, it is a rich one. I know I will need to reread this book, several times perhaps, before I really "get it" but after this first read I have been struck by several things. Flescher looks back at traditional approaches to ethics that suggest there is a sharp distinction between those we might call heroes and saints and the majority of us ordinary people. He looks at the views upheld by Urmson and Heyd and tries to undo that thinking by highlighting the lives of Martin Luther King, Jr., Holocaust rescuers, Dorothy Day etc. If one was to look at figures in the last 10 years we might throw out the names of Mother Theresa, 911 Firefighters, Nelson Mandela...

So here is the question. Do we all have the responsibility to go that extra mile. Or, do we leave that to those who are somehow instinctively different than us: better somehow?

Flescher closes the book by reflecting on the writing of Tillich and other developmentalists in the world of ethics. He writes (with obvious note that this is lacking in theological language and approach) "We should be responsible in living, both responsible for ourselves and for our own development, and responsible for the welfare and well-being of others. Responsibility implies vigilance. It implies watching out for our character, directing it in ways that will resist the temptation to succumb to non-deliberate, unreflective living". That statement resonates so deeply with me. And even though this statement is not nuanced with the results of the transforming work of the cross and the spirit, does it challenge you? In what ways do you see the mainstream church living and thinking in ways that are "non-deliberate and unreflective".

This makes me want to be a better version of myself. It makes me want to embrace the hard questions and discussions. (David recoils in horror as he thinks, what more deep philosophical discussions?). It makes me want to journey into the hidden places of my head and heart. Sometimes things connect deeply with me because of where I am at the moment and so it is possible you may read these thoughts and go, "nah". But if something strikes you share it.

Plagarism again....sorry Amy

My friend Amy always has interesting random questions on her blog and I have copied her before, so here I go again, with minor adjustments.
I love these kinds of things because it always gives me new insights into people.
Answer as many as you like...

1. Salty or sweet?
2. Coke or Pepsi?
3. Decaf or double shot?
4. Early riser or night owl?
5. Clinton or Obama?
6. Thompson or ???
7. Italian or Chinese food?
8. Vanilla or Chocolate?
9.Favorite kind of date night?

Photo Update

This is Diego our new "dorkie" pupppy. It is a yorkie, doxon mix and Spencer's first pet. Seriously, what were we thinking. He is pretty cute I have to say. Disney our prissy but lovely cat is certain that life as she knows it is over forever. And, yes she is correct!

Photo Update

Michaela all set in her uniform for the first day of 6th grade at Ascension Academy. What an awesome school!

Photo Update

This is Spencer ready for the first day of 1st grade! Check out the cool messenger bag instead of the traditional backpack. He knew exactly what he wanted at the store and is pretty sure his bag is the coolest thing ever!

Why no blogging?

About every 6 months or so there is a long lull in my blog posts. Things get busy and I begin living in too many worlds which means I choose to let this go for awhile. I struggle to let things go and so it is always hard to make that choice.

This absence is due to the following reasons:
1. My Ethics class meets for the first weekend beginning Thursday. I am behind in my reading. Way behind. Like so far behind that I will probably be writing a paper based on incomplete reading. This is new for me. As a student I follow rules (at least I do someplace in my life). I read everything and I submit everything on time. Oh well, there is a first time for everything!

2. David and I are teaching Life on the Vine on Sunday mornings in our Bible Class. He decided that I should handle the "content" and he would do the application portion. So I am spending extended time with Kenneson working through this material. So far it is going well.

3. I am in a phase where I am craving order and things being up to date. Because of my inability to handle stress well, I usually keep things running pretty well because if too much piles up I can't cope. But laundry and chores and papers being filed away etc had gotten out of hand over the summer and so I have been almost manic about getting my life caught up. I think I am there...for this second anyway. Mail will come today. Laundry will be generated today. Dishes will mount up....but I can manage one day at a time, it is just the pit that seemed to evolve over the summer that was not very pleasing to me!!!!

4. I am doing a 4 hour per week marketing job for a local Financial Advisor with Edward Jones. It is is awesome, but marketing is hard to keep to the hours I spend in the office, so it is bleeding over and filling all sorts of nooks and crannies of my life.

5. School is back and while that frees up my time a tad and means the house stays picked up almost all day, it means school volunteering is back too. I enjoy being connected to the life of the school and knowing the teachers and administrators. Somehow it makes it easier to leave your kids there all day when you feel invested. I am especially grateful for the opportunity to volunteer at Michaela's school as a way to get to know a new place.

6. My favorite part of ministry is the relational aspect of it. And so with the kids back in school I can get back to my regular coffee times, lunch meetings and general hanging out times with friends and those who I am in discipling relationships with.

7. And then there is just living, you know what I mean?

Hopefully I am back to blogging on a regular basis it is such good therapy for me.

A Jim Clarification

A few weeks back, I posted about how happy I was that Dan was back preaching after a summer of vacation and sabbatical. I had a comment posted by Jim and I just merrily assumed it was my friend Jim. N. Why I assumed this is still a mystery given that I comment frequently on my other friend Jim M.'s blog. I even link to it on my page. And that the other Jim N. is a blog reader and not a commenter. I replied in the comments back to him making reference to a few "inside jokes". He chose today, 3 weeks or so later, to tell me it wasn't him.

Here is the moral of the story.
1. Don't use the blog comments section for "inside jokes" unless you want to look like a candidate for creepy girl of the year.
2. When you click on the link that your commenter's name brings up actually read it!
3.If you are to make a mistaken identity error, pray hard that you mistake your Jim N. with the Jim M. you have listed in your blog links. Jim Martin is a fellow minister who I love and respect and am always challenged by. And, I might add he is gracious - gracious enough not to have replied back with a WHAT???? I am sure he was a little taken aback by my warm fuzzy declarations of how connected I feel to him and how I love him, but nevertheless he was gracious.

So Jim N. get yourself a blog profile so you can at least comment and I can harass you over the Internet!!!!

Tough Questions

"Asking the tough questions" is a phrase you hear alot now days. Overuse can rob us from the ability to really ask the tough questions. I know some people who prefer not to deal with that kind of thing and then I know people, like me, who seem to thrive on it. Someplace in between those two extremes is probably the healthiest spot!

However last night during our Wednesday evening worship experience, we were celebrating the Lord's supper by taking bread and grape juice and sitting together at tables talking, laughing, sharing and partaking. It was real and felt so "in the moment." It was an experiential way of remembering Jesus. A little later we were discussing and journalling about two questions that had been assigned and one of them resonated with me more than usual. It is still bouncing off the walls of my heart and mind. The question was something like this, "imagine what your life would be like if Jesus had not died and risen." I know you have heard that 100 times. Like me, you probably even have a pat answer. But for some reason last night I was stretched to journal some thoughts about who I would be without Jesus. My actions, my thoughts, my behaviors, my responses.....It was not a pretty site.

I felt further convicted that there are days when the ugliness of my heart still seem so overwhelming and that is with all the shaping that God has done and continues to do in me.
Can you even imagine yourself untouched by the Potter?

Laying aside the pat answers, have you really thought about what the "Christless" version of yourself looks like. How that version would act and speak and live? Think about it for a while and then give thanks. Worship Him in praise and shout out, How Great is Our God!

God and Money

I heard a sermon yesterday that I am having a hard time with. You know the feeling when you disagree with what you are hearing and your life experiences back up your feelings but you can't necessarily prove your position? Or is it just me?

The statement was made, "God's intention, his heart is to bless you financially." There was a lot of other very good material in the lesson, but I got stuck on this one and just couldn't move passed it. I disagree. I think God's intention and heart is to shape us and that is usually a blessing but I think it has little to do with financial blessing. I think God's heart is to bless us and that usually lands up looking very different to "financially bless us."

Some of the most faithful, God-hearted people I know are poor and live in conditions that are deplorable in Africa or other areas. Have they somehow not "earned blessings" from God. I don't think so. I know that Old Testament scripture refers to God blessing our store houses and multiplying our fields etc. but Jesus seems to present such a different picture in his ministry. He talks at lengh about giving up stuff, leaving security, how hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom etc. He always seems to land on the side of the poor and call the rest of us to a life of "stufflessness."

The idea of God wanting to bless us financially just seems so "Joel Osteen-ish" and that scares me. My life experiences testify to the idea that real discipleship usually costs us something, and the reward is usually a more abundant faith journey, which has little to do with anything financial.

I may be missing something crucial here, so weigh in and help me as I struggle with this.

You know you live in Amarillo when you keep dreaming of exotic locations...

Frank was wondering after my Dubai post what the other 16 dreamy destinations were on my list, and so here it is.

Santorini, Greece
Cypress
Paris
Rome, Milan, Naples, Florence, Venice, Turin, Bologna, Perugina,: Italy
Tuscany, Italy
Bordeaux, France
Melbourne, Canberra, Adelaide, Brisbane, Perth & Sydney:Australia
Tasmania
Wellington & Auckland: New Zealand
Singapore
Mauritius
Scandanavia
Spain
Canary Islands
Hamburg and Heidelberg: Germany
Any Caribbean spot you pick.......I'm always up for a beach vacation!!!!

Dubai, UAE and other travel dreams...

About 20 years ago I was fascinated with Singapore. Don't get me wrong, I would still love to visit Singapore. However, my newest destination fascination is Dubai, United Arab Emirates.
About 8 years ago or so it became a hot destination for South Africans to visit. It is a shopping mecca with great hotels and resorts and lots of other interesting things.

Last night I happened to watch a show on Discovery called Really Big Things. It was incredible. They focused on a new resort development that Georgio Armani has designed. It is going to be the tallest structure in the world at over 135 floors. It is going to include hotel rooms, condos, restaurants, pools, gyms, a mall etc. They also showed an indoor ski facility called Ski Dubai. It is the largest indoor ski resort anywhere - along with chalet type buildings, hot chocolate cafes etc. Excess, wealth, and materialism seem to rule the day.

I am not sure why this country is so intriguing to me, perhaps it is the fact that it situated along the northeast coast of the United Arab Emirates and in the desert. I think it is the way it has literally sprung up as a tourist destination in an area not usually known for tourism. Overall I think it is the fact that it seems to bust wide open any presuppositions one might have about a country in this region, or an economy in this region, or facilities, infra-structure or any other measurable quality one might choose to weigh.

After some reading about the area, it appears like the largely expatriate work force lives in less than stellar conditions. Construction crews run 24/7 in this burgeoning economy and so it has become a magnet for poor laborers who are desperate to earn some money to send back to family. Isn't it true that anytime a few are making billions, there are a trail of people being overused and mistreated.

David and I would spend our last dollars on travel and pre-kids, while still in South Africa, we did that often :-). My list of places to go steadily increases and I think I am adding Dubai to it. So who knows, if I live another 35 years and we take one trip every two years, we could get to number 17 on my list....yikes, I had better move it further up and bump one of those other destinations farther down.