Arlene's Blogarific Day

The BIG idea

2011-12-10T13:46:00.000-08:00

I realize what a special gift I have been given over the past 10 years here at the Central church in Amarillo. Seldom in ministry does one feel like you have "a minister" or "an elder" and I have had both. Tim, only 6 years older than me, is one of the greatest shepherds I know. He has a rich inner life. His relationship with Jesus is contagious. He is tender and kind and ready with a smile. In fact, he is listed as The Tender Shepherd in my phone :). Tim and I try to grab coffee or lunch about once a month for catch up time. He hears about my Come before Winter experiences and lately I've been tracking with his reading as he goes through the Spiritual Direction program at Lipscomb. We share ministry struggles and thoughts about God and scripture. We have struggled with what it means to really be missional, to embrace technology and to make disciples. Lately we have been talking about Exodus. He has been teaching it and I have been studying it for curriculum writing.

One of the greatest gifts this friendship affords is the ability to speak words that have never been spoken before. Unlanded thoughts. Things you may need to adjust once voiced. Ideas you may not even really believe but they are floating around in your head. I do not take this lightly. Last week, while over eating at the Chinese buffet with Tim, I made a statement that has been mulling around in my head but I have never said with such assurance before. "Among other things, I think Exodus has provided me with the most important lesson about God that I have learned in forever. God's desire is to dwell among his people." We kicked that around awhile and happened to agree. I can't shake it. I keep thinking about it. It really does change everything.

It forms and informs our belief about:

Creation
Trinity
Community
Exodus
Worship
Law
Covenant
Incarnation
Indwelling
Resurrection
Eternity

When we live in the very real belief that God is fully present and can not be summoned and dismissed at will it gives new life and color to this life. Everything really is Spiritual.

It's all about the Heart

2011-11-03T06:40:00.001-07:00

I just got back from doing a retreat in Honduras and several of the women there had heard me speak before. It prompted a conversation that keeps replaying in my head. I was asked the question, "why are you so inspired by the God of the Old Testament?" It set me back a bit. I had never considered the God of the Old Testament to be different to the God of the New Testament. I think when we hold such a view we lose. On every front. We are left with an incomplete picture of God. We strip and diminish and dilute our understanding in an attempt to have manageable boxes to fit God in. This is God. The Great I Am. The Holy Uncreated One. Sovereign King. Redeemer. Revealer. Defender. Merciful One. My Kindness. Always has been and always will be.

It got me reflecting on some of the core beliefs I hold about the Old Testament:

1.I believe that the point of all scripture is to tell the story of God.

2.In that telling we discover a couple of central themes: God seeks relationship with humanity and desires to live among us; The condition of the heart has always mattered to God; God's presence is the key to spiritual formation; God is both just and merciful

3.The law was given for many reasons, but relationship and justice are two of the biggest reasons.

4.It is difficult for me to understand the ministry of Jesus without knowing the heart of God that has been revealed all the way through Creation, Exodus, Rescue and Restoration.

It is in the seamless reading of God's story and the seamless understanding of Covenant that I believe our eyes are opened to the mystery of a life with God.

Home

2011-09-30T07:38:00.000-07:00

I have been talking about the idea of "home" with my high school students this week. We looked at song lyrics from about 6 or so songs all themed around the idea of "coming home." From Kid Rock to Jason Aldean to Chris Tomlin to OneRepublic and Dirty Money. Yep, we ran the gamut. And then we looked at Psalm 84 to search for similar thoughts. I really appreciate that they recognized immediately that "home" is sometimes a person, a place, an environment, a group of people - not always the house you grew up in. We were talking about a place where you feel safe, comfortable, included and where you belong.

Last night I was re-watching scenes from Antwone Fisher - an amazing story on many levels, but specifically in terms of the drive for a place to belong. Home was both elusive, hurtful and dangerous in his experience. And then in one conversation with his Aunt, he found a place to belong. It brings tears to my eyes just writing about it.

In my families time of transition right now from a life of full time paid ministry to a new adventure, and with an upcoming move, I have been challenged to think about where my place of belonging and comfort is. Where is "home" for this Italian-Jewish girl born and raised in South Africa who has lived in Texas for the last 20 years? Where does my heart gravitate to in its quest to find "that place where you exhale and all is right with the world?"

Country Music

2011-07-02T06:55:00.000-07:00

My family says it all went downhill after I bought my first pair of boots. They tease me mercilessly over my growing love of Country music. I've tried to defend myself but the best defense is just hitting play on my Country Favs playlist and they scatter!

I have thought a lot about why I have grown to appreciate this genre that for so long irritated me beyond belief. And here it is in a nutshell. There is no pretense. Country music tells our stories. All of us can find a place of entry into the story of life through the lyrics you hear. Heartache, joy, pain, regret, celebration, love, desire, misplaced trust, fear, forbidden love, grief - it's all there. I love the raw, unedited take on what "Joe and Suzy Normal" really experience in life. I love the way the sacred and the secular walk hand in hand. It's what I believe about life - in musical lyrics. I think it took me being more aware of my own humanity and brokenness. In that frame of mind I could hear a song and it would resonate with me. I started to "me too" and "I get that" along with what I was hearing.

I am comforted especially by the holy proximity I hear. You know, the guy sitting at the bar recounting the issues of his heart but also acknowledging God. Instead of painting a picture of life that adds to the segmented regular and spiritual life myth. Country music really says, "everything is spiritual."

So, Billy Currington perhaps you are right. God is great, beer is good and people are crazy!

Chasing Bunnies

2011-06-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to lie, it looked more like a Jackalope or a small deer than a bunny.

Last night while David and I were walking around the little lake close to our house, I spotted a pair of very large ears at a distance out in the field. I stopped and stared a minute and realized it was a rabbit. A large one. Very large. Of course, my "take a picture of everything" instinct kicked in and I reached for my phone to snap a picture. I was too far away and the impact of tyrannosaurus-bunny would have been totally lost in my lame attempt at a photograph. I tugged at David and suggested we walk out into the field to get a better shot. He shook his head a little and said, it would be pointless because the creature would run away. I let it go for about 20 more steps but then like a 3 year old who just has to experience their world, I took off. I walked across the field. Part of me wanted to creep all ninja-like but every now and again I try to minimize the embarrassment I bring on my husband. As predicted the beast started running away. And I mean r-u-n-n-i-n-g. That was no bunny-hop! I chased it a little but soon stopped when I realized my laughing was only adding to the desperation of it's fleeing. Capturing the picture was long out of my mind. I was having a blast chasing this thing in a field at the lake.

Life would be simpler and my heart would be more protected if I did not feel the need to venture off the paved walkway to dash across the field. But I'm not planning on trading in my "path pass" anytime soon.

Freedom and Censorship

2011-04-30T13:58:00.000-07:00

I know what you are thinking and that is not what I mean. I grew up with movies that were "cut" and books that were banned and propaganda that was distributed all in an attempt to control a nation. Been there, done that and no t-shirts were allowed because we were not supposed to know it was happening.

Today, my mind is chasing thoughts about what it means to be free and what it means to censor our words for the sake of others simply because we follow Jesus.

I have dabbled in this topic a little before but left it quickly because it is complicated. But, today as I sat on my patio baking in the sun, I found myself back here and so it triggered this blog post. I do not believe that we are ever free. Ever. As long as we are in relationship with other people. Sheesh, I know it is not the American way or even the Freedom in Christ way. But, at least for me, and I'm responsible for me, I think its true.

Here is what I mean. If I was free I could express my thoughts as I think them. I could say what I think and feel whenever the situation arises. I could act on how I feel as I desire. I could put my wants, desires and needs ahead of others. I could rant and offend with no consequences.

However, I don't get to act that way. I don't get to act that way because of relationship. Relationship with Jesus and relationship with the people I love and frankly those that I just tolerate, too. I do not get to say whatever I like because words have power and the consequences are way bigger than my need to vent or rant. I do not get to act on every feeling I have, even the ones that at times feel like they are going to overwhelm me. I just don't get to do it because other people's lives are at stake.

Yesterday a friend and I were talking about allowing people to express how they feel in a public forum and we were weighing how open a given site should be. It raised an issue that is connected to this. We are not even free to stand by and let others get hurt. Again, because of relationship we have to stand on the side of those being marginalized.

And so, freedom takes on a different meaning inside of relationship. We are free to lay down our lives for the sake of others. Free to censor our words. Free to limit our anger. Free to behave our way to holiness. Free to deny our desires and wants.

I believe this with all my heart. Today, I don't like the cost.

Life, Death and Living

2011-04-19T07:41:00.000-07:00

My phone rang about 4:45pm yesterday and it was a long time friend who I love and respect greatly. Yesterday was a tough day as it marked the one year anniversary of our friends Phil and Raychel dying in a car wreck. I heard Scott's voice and the emotion just bubbled up inside of me. He knew how I was feeling, I knew how he was feeling. In fact, we are part of a larger group of wonderful friends and we knew how the whole group was feeling. We shared stories for a few minutes and then said goodbye. A phone conversation that lasted about 10 minutes but was literally like calming lotion on a very wounded place.

But here is the thing. I had fun yesterday, too. I had several other conversations, texted back and forth with other friends, taught my class and did my regular life thing. Unless I told you what was on my heart, you would not have known. I was not trying to hide anything. I just felt the need to share my grief with the ones who i knew were grieving, too. And to live out my life in the other areas like I would any other day.

That tension struck me last night. And hence this post. Living life in the midst of pain and grief but not being shut down by it. Is that possible? Does it appear disrespectful? Does it rub up against social norms? Is it okay that my heart was aching in one spot yet I was being silly and lighthearted in other spots?

And I think I have an answer for me at least. I think it is possible, in fact, I think it is necessary. Does this align with commonly held cultural views on how we respond to death, probably not. But that's okay with me. I think we all find our way of being in the world and we live it as fully as we can.

And so, Phil...let me say. I thought of you a whole bunch yesterday. I saw your lovely face and inviting smile. I heard your giggle and could picture your bright eyes. The clean shaved head, that made me happy, flashed through my mind. I heard your gentle voice with words that you picked carefully. And I heard you sing. Oh, did I hear you sing. Your voice that sounded like the most beautiful music played over and over in my mind. The way you loved Debby and Raychel and Zachary felt so comforting to me yesterday. Which makes me think of Miss Raychel. See Ray, I spelled your name with the "y" -- sweet girl, I got to say everything I could dream of saying as I spoke at your memorial service. Let me just say, I miss you and your quick smile, your hearty laugh, the white sunglasses perched on your head and your off the wall humor.

But guys know this. I also drank tea, cooked dinner, did the Mom thing and hung out with David. I taught school and went to the bank. I laughed with other friends and played Apples to Apples. And in the living of life as normal, while my heart ached for you, I felt like you were right there. I hope that I never get used to you being gone.

How Do You Measure a Life?

2011-04-14T07:35:00.000-07:00

You have to love a cheesy musical line as a blog title, admit you do!!! So this morning, I was woken up with the words, "your coffee is ready" - my eyes were still fighting for their right to remain shut when my brain turned on. That's how things usually go for me. 0-73 mph immediately. Instantly I started singing Seasons of Love from Rent - I mean instantly. David looked at me with a puzzled expression that lasted a few seconds but it quickly faded having lived with me for so long. I looked at him and said, "you know, you said coffee and that made me think of how do you measure a life, in sunsets, in cups of coffee etc." He just smiled and muttered something like, "you're nuts."

And so my thoughts today are turned to HOW DO YOU MEASURE A LIFE? Well actually not how do you measure as much as what matters in your life. A lovely thing to think about really. I think I am going to spend some time with my kids talking about this tonight. As Easter approaches and we reflect on life, recreation and the power to live changed lives, what matters seems to really matter.

And so in my random ponderings today while I have done other things, the following things have come to mind. These are things that matter to me. A way of being in the world that I value. On my best days in my best moments I hit on a few, and then sometimes they are just another "want to." I hope you make your own list.

The quality of the relationship I am cultivating with my God. I want it to be Exodus 33-ish.
A good cup of tea
Conversation that is challenging and shaping
Friends who make me better
Passion - in everything
The ability to feel deeply
The desire to learn
Experiences
Living fully
Loving without concern for reciprocity
Delighting in the gift of mutuality
Laughing - a lot and with conviction
Tears - for hard things and for joys
Discomfort
Questions
Peace to live in the midst of a world that does not make sense sometimes
Pictures
Memories and history
Tasting
Touching
Hearing
Smelling
Thinking
Seeking understanding before being understood
Allowing the active work of the Holy Spirit in me to lead me into places of ministry that I would not know otherwise
Speaking words of life
Affection

Because everything IS spiritual

2011-04-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

It was probably 3 or 4 years ago that I heard Rob Bell on his preaching tour. We took a little road trip to Oklahoma City with some of the people we love the most and just sat and absorbed 2 hours of incredible preaching. The title of that tour was everythingisspiritual. It lived up to the hype in ways I can not even describe.

And so a journey began for me. A way of looking at life and living it that does not compartmentalize "our spiritual life" from the real world. It required me to intentionally check my language and to live my whole life with a sense of sacred intentionality, also. Just think about how ludicrous it is to think that we can somehow segment the spiritual into a portion of life that we manage that is other to the rest of life. Really? As if we could tell God to remain in His portion of this thing called My Life.

So many really significant things begin to form and shape when we choose to live in this truth. Every conversation and human interaction is in someway sacred ground - incarnational ministry. After conversations with friends in Starbucks or on the couch in the living room, on FaceTime on my iphone or on skype on my computer screen I find myself thinking "we just did church." I also land up seeing God in new and inspiring places. He shows up with regularity in the things we sometimes foolishly call "secular." Sermons are preached and lessons taught outside of church structures. The story of God becomes something that we can all connect to and enter because it permeates all places, not just the ones of steeples and dresses, ties and choirs, sacraments and pews. Insights can come from the words of Moses and the impassioned cries of Bono. Poetry, Art, Music, Movies, Books, Human lives all testify with creation to a God that is worthy of all my attention.

Missional Discipleship

2011-04-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

Those who know me best know that anything that becomes too predictable or monotonous drives me crazy. Repetitive tasks are my least favorite although I do feel a sense of comfort from a schedule and relational security. Go figure? Reading is no exception to this for me. I read in manic phases. Literally consuming books at a ridiculous rate and then going months not touching one. Right now, my nightstand has a stack about 8 high and I am making my way through them. Not just any old books either...some greats. I've got Halter & Smay's And sitting there. I have a Nouwen one waiting on me. I have a Miller and a Bell. All of my favorites calling my name. And still others.

Besides the few contemplative pieces tucked in my stack, most of them are about missionality and the missional conversation. But I got tired of reading about Missional church. Tired of reading about it and not living it. Tired of wanting it but not being prepared to do what it takes. Then we did. We stepped out and made some huge shifts in our life and I couldn't read about it anymore. But, I'm ready to read again. Ready to enter the conversation again trying to sink my teeth into what this looks like lived out. Ready to see where our disciple making ways seem counter to the life of Jesus. Ready to reflect on what it looks like in community.

Of course I read a few pages and my mind races. Questions. What if's. Doubts. More Questions. Definitions. You know how that goes. And in the midst of all of it, it struck me today that I had blogged a definition of Missional Discipleship back in Sept. 2006 - yes almost 5 years ago. I dug it out and got convicted all over again.

Missional discipleship:
It starts with Missio Dei - the very nature of God is that He calls and sends. He forms us into distinctive communities that reflect the redemptive reign of God through justice, mercy and reconciliation (Kingdom) in the coming of Christ and in the becoming like Christ (Incarnation). Together we journey(Community), maturing into Christ formed followers (Spiritual Formation) who in the power of the Spirit begin shaping others into Christ formed followers (Equipping).

Yay for reading and the waters it stirs.

Ethical Requirement?

2011-04-06T12:22:00.001-07:00

In the great story of God that scripture reveals I am struck by the fact that in forming His people, God made special provision for the marginal. Over and over again, he laid out His heart for the ones who were powerless, under-represented and marginalized. The minor prophets take God's heart and put it in lights. It is front and center. Verse after verse of His disgust at their mistreatment. Verse after verse of His disgust toward those who are mistreating. He goes so far as to say that He would prefer lives given to the service of the alien and the broken ahead of sacrifices and worship. Laws about the Year of Jubilee, Gleaning, Sharing are peppered throughout the Torah and there is no need to guess where He stands on this. Yet, humanity fails and falls short of the heart of God.

One of my favorite verses of all times is Micah 6:8. It is painted on my dining room walls and I see it daily. God lays out an ethical requirement for His people. They are to love justice and mercy. He doesn't give us wiggle room here. He doesn't clarify circumstances. He doesn't give a loophole if one is being taken advantage of. There are no caveats. He simply states, that to be His people, called by His name, reflecting His heart we are to....

It is interesting to me that He knew we would fail in this regard if left to our own devices. And so, He builds in a way to hold us accountable to justice and compassion. A friend of mine posted a quote today by one of my favorite thinkers: "Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." - Reinhold Niebuhr

I am not arguing for world wide democracy - the world is a little more nuanced and complicated than that in my opinion. However, the idea that we need a standard to be held to in our attempts to serve the "least of these" is significant to me. I can be self serving, selfish and self consumed in a heart beat. But it takes God's heartbeat within me to see with His eyes and touch with His touch.

As we are transformed more fully into the image of God, the requirement part of Micah 6:8 fades into the distance and the compulsion to be a vessel of justice and mercy takes over. Jesus calls us to a kingdom where justice and mercy prevail and we begin to share God's heartbeat for compassion wherever we can be a conduit for it.

Rules and Relationship

2011-04-05T10:06:00.000-07:00

I heard a lesson on Sunday that fits well with some things I am thinking about. It was well thought through and camped heavily in Exodus, where I am living right now due to some curriculum writing. The general gist of the lesson, if I was going to summarize, was about how to understand "the rules" or law in terms of the heart and God's intention for us versus fundamentalistic thinking. Nothing earth shattering there. However, as I ponder this idea about rules and law, it strikes me over and over again that God initiates, makes, and keeps covenant with people in the midst of them not caring about the rules or law.

This beautiful partnership of rules and relationship or law and love simply overwhelms me. God, in His desire for us to be His people, shaped and formed by His heart knows what is best for us.

Here is the earth shattering part. Law is never given without Love. Rules are never issued outside of relationship. Even in the consequences, we are assured that punishment may last to the 3rd or 4th generation, but His hesed will remain till the 1000th generation.

Sinai is this stunning picture of the rule-law giving God on the mountain AND the relationship-love desiring God who chooses to live with His people in the camp.

And so, every time we talk about the rules or the law, it is imperative that we talk about the covenant. They form and inform each other. And I can't imagine a more tasty pairing.

Community 3

2011-03-07T21:07:00.000-08:00

(From Community 2)

Control: In community we still control how confessional we are. We are the gatekeepers of how much we put out there regardless of the community we find ourselves in.

Perhaps one of the reasons "Community" is not functioning at the level we hope for in meeting the "confessional" needs of our people is that we are still the gatekeepers. As an individual in a community, you are your own PR representative. You disseminate information as you desire. You spin it as you need. You test the waters of acceptance and reveal versions of the truth. You are still the guardian of what is buried the deepest. And perhaps most deadly, we often don't even know what is buried there and how it is forming and shaping our behaviors.

You know the stories, You have lived them. I know the stories and I am living them. A group meets regularly for years and many things are shared and intimacy is valued. Crisis hits and sacred ground is stood on. These are your people and the connection is tight. Then, out of what seems like nowhere you discover one of the group members is entangled in a life battle with sin and has been for years. It shakes you to the core as you begin to question the authenticity of your community experience. You review conversations like post game films, looking for the "drops." You feel cheated, lied to, let down and disappointed. You thought you knew this person and now you feel like you don't. You question if anything shared was real or was it all a lie?

These feelings and thoughts are normal in these type situations - not always accurate but normal. I think we tend to want to abandon an entire relational, community experience as untrue when we discover something like this. However, that may not be true. While a significant secret may have been kept from you, it does not discount all the rest of what you know and love about a person. Once we grieve the loss we feel, I pray we can find it in our hearts to continue in community with people who are struggling with holiness but still in love with the Holy One.

But why does this happen...In "Community?" My answer is that whether we are in community or not, we are the gatekeepers of our deepest secrets. Community does not necessarily change this - it just provides us close spiritual friends to hide our real struggles from.

So, what does change it? I am beginning to think that the solution to this one, is when the focus shifts from community and moves to encouraging individuals to begin a journey of self discovery. A journey that includes discovering our woundedness. Uncovering our pains, our triggers and our hurts. Naming them safely with one who is equipped to walk with us, and replacing them with words of Truth about our identity and our purpose. And then when the lies of the deceiver are thrown out and the words of Life from I AM are taken in, we can begin to get honest about who we are and how we live. A group of people all on a journey to healing their hearts and making them a place for Truth to reside and resonate can then form community that is really authentic.

Bottom-line as I see it today. Our desire for confessional environments to spring up out of community are certainly noble. And sometimes they do. But, creating a group of some kind and assuming the the group environment is enough to make confession happen is flawed and naive at best. I think we would see more authentic confessional community happen if we focused some attention on assisting our people in getting emotionally healthy to prepare their heart for the fruit of confessional living.

Community 2

2011-02-28T18:25:00.000-08:00

And besides the church chatter, have you talked to many average members lately? After years of pouring themselves into accountability groups and life groups and every other kind of group we have offered, many are just disappointed. They just haven’t had the experience they were hoping for.

This is not true for everyone for all times. I have been in groups that have changed my life in significant ways. I know you have too. I am talking in generalities that I am observing and hearing about.

Just observing the situation is one thing. Thinking through the why’s and looking for the what if’s and what’s next is tricky. But I have some thoughts roaming around in my head that I am still trying to land. I am hoping to explore a few more thoughts on this in different blog posts. I am thinking through the following thoughts:

1.Control: In community we still control how confessional we are. We are the gatekeepers of how much we put out there regardless of the community we find ourselves in.

2.Woundedness: Should our starting place shift in our desire for confessional community. Instead of assuming confession is going to flow in groups, should we focus on equipping individuals in self awareness so they know their wounds, know their behaviors that flow out of their wounds and can then begin the healing process.

3.Truth Asking: One hears a lot about Truth Telling. Usually defined something like this: I see behavior in your life and because of our covenant in community I get to share truth with you about your attitudes and behaviors. What if we transition to Truth Asking? Asking each other about the traps and triggers in our lives and not fearing the messiness of the answer. Truth Asking assumes one will walk the road of struggle with another without fear or judgment. It also assumes that we all in our brokenness have a road to walk.

4.What Are the Barriers to Confessional Community: I am struggling with an idea that I am still thinking through. In our attempt to Christianize our lives we have taken parenting, marriage, and finances and made them into indicators of our spirituality or maturity. An entire culture has developed around the family that has deified it to something I am not sure God ever intended. Perfection in parenting, marriage and financial management has solidified the “appear as all is great” mentality that permeates many Christian communities. What happens when you are not doing so well? Who is brave enough to stand up and say it? How can we grow confessional communities in the midst of the pseudo-perfection we seem to value. Does it really matter that you have no debt if you are bitter and not compassionate to the alien. Somewhere along the road, we have gotten distracted.

So.....I am asking God to help me discern through this muddle of thoughts.

Community 1

2011-02-28T18:22:00.000-08:00

Community. What a loaded word in church conversation. It has been for a while. However it has taken on a whole new slant in the Missional church conversation. As we struggle with what it means to grow disciples versus just church attendees, community crops up with predictable regularity. In Missional communities we are trying to move from consumers of church goods and services to being outposts of the Kingdom of God where we live, work, play and worship.

It has me pondering. Are we asking “community” to bear a weight it was never intended to bear? It seems to have become the panacea to all our ills. A spiritual band-aid that is quickly applied in hopes of it healing the buried wound. I am having my doubts.

Please do not misunderstand me. I am all about intimate relationships, community, and accountability. I treasure my friendships and take them seriously. I pursue and I respond and I value what happens in spiritual friendship. So, hear these musings, as simply musings, from one who is feeling the push and pull tension of community.

Over the last 25 years, churches have been enamored with small groups of differing stripes. We have embraced the Family Life Group, the Accountability Group, Triads, Men’s Groups, Women’s Groups, Fellowship Groups, Prayer Groups, Study Groups, and Recovery Groups. And the list goes on. Yet still, we are struggling with solutions to isolation, individualism, sin, luke-warmness and we keep going back to Community as our solution. All of our groups are somehow still not meeting the need we see. It is almost like the solution we have come up with, while a good solution is for a question or a struggle we are not asking or facing. An authentic struggle and authentic answers, just not to the same question.

I have heard more than my fair share of ministry staff church chatter that poses the question: “why are we still not hearing about people’s crisis until it is too late. Why is divorce the next step when we first hear about the marriage struggle?” “Why is a return to addiction the behavior we hear about when we never knew there was a struggle to start with.” “How do we create community so that our members will become confessional?” You get the idea. We are still desperately looking for a way to form community to do what we think it needs to do. 25 years into intentional church structuring to provide it and we are still struggling. Big time.

It’s not due to a lack of resources. Go to any bookstore, peruse the internet, and look at church conferences. There are theologies, strategies, concepts and formulations to create community in every form you could desire. I’ve read more books on groups than I can even count.

When Willow Creeks study, Reveal, first hit the blogosphere and media, many church leaders were gob smacked. If Willow were struggling to form fully formed disciples of Christ, what possible chance did the average small church have. If Willow was struggling to create authentic community in an environment where church was being “done” via groups, how could anyone succeed at this?

Volkswagen Commercial: The Force

2011-02-08T06:36:00.000-08:00

I am not sure a commercial has ever touched me quite as deeply as this one. It makes me want to stand up and cheer for that Dad!

It has me thinking....about keeping dreams alive; about believing; about trusting; about fun; about what it means to allow other people to live their dreams; about who the light clickers are in my life. Thanks VW - incredible.

Public Ministry

2011-02-04T10:28:00.000-08:00

If you know me, you know the discomfort I am feeling just typing the two words, "Public Ministry" as a title. However, let me go on.

When it comes to Spiritual Warfare and things unseen I am more than aware that a battle rages and most times we go on blissfully unaware. I am not a fan of the fear induced tactics used by some who rant and rail on Hollywood, Washington and the Media for every ill in the world. I often wonder why we would expect things not of Christ to be holy. I am not a reactionary to things that are sometimes called "secular." I see God in the strangest places and His heart is often shown best in the places we least expect it. And I do not live in fear seeing Satan behind every bush either. But that is another post. And to top it off, I am often a little "inappropriate" without even trying. So, when I refer to an attack of Satan I do not say it glibly, filter it through all I have just said. Some days it just feels like Satan, the deceiver, is waiting to pounce. And, it is always, I mean always, when I am about to engage in a very public form of ministry.

Right before I am heading off to speak somewhere or teach someplace or lead something, I hear his whispers in my ear. I hear him telling me that I have no business doing what I do. I hear him reminding me of how broken I am. I usually have the opportunity to take him up on the offers he throws out for me. And if in moments of distraction I do falter in some way, I hear his accusation proving that his original whispers were accurate. The message that always seems to sound the clearest is the one that says, "how can you go and teach women when you screw up so often."

That message used to work. It shut me down. Not so much now. On my best days in my best moments I know what is true. It is because I am so broken that God can use my life for His purposes. On a normal day in a normal moment, I know it is still true, it is just so much harder to believe.

Today, I am struck by a sudden onset of hard things to deal with in my heart. He lurks around waiting to pounce. And it is no coincidence that it is the start of a very public season of ministry for me this Spring.

That Grieving Thing

2011-01-15T20:21:00.000-08:00

Make no mistake, over a 5 year blogging period I have written more than one post about grief!

Tonight I am sitting here thinking about my Mom. Tomorrow is the 8th anniversary of her death. Each year it hits me in a different way. There was initial relief after being her care taker for so long and it being so hard. Then there was the loneliness. Anger came and went. The feeling of abandonment visited one year. Then sadness - just good old fashioned sadness. And longing, a different kind of missing and sadness. Oh, the emotions have been varied and deep. But tonight as I sit here and think about things, I am struck with my struggle for identity. Phew, there I said it.

I know all the faith talk about true identity. I say those words to others. I believe them. I teach them. But honestly, they do not bring comfort right now, tonight. Sometimes the ache of pain is so deep and real that you can feel it in your body. That's where I sit tonight. And I long for identity tied to parents. I had to grieve my Dad's death at 11, all my grandparents before that and then my Mom when I was 35. It feels strange to not have parents. It sometimes makes me wonder who I am. And that is the version of grief that showed up this year.

Like all hard things, this one will allow me to ask the very important questions: what did I learn about myself in this and where are the places that God needs to reign more fully.
And, I take great comfort in knowing there are new mercies every morning.

Disturb us, Lord

2011-01-14T15:17:00.000-08:00

I love beautiful prayers and this one by Francis Drake is a treasure....

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
with the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wilder seas
Where storms will show Your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push back the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.
This we ask in the name of our Captain,
Who is Jesus Christ.

Presence

2011-01-13T10:42:00.000-08:00

It does not take long when reading Henri Nouwen, for one to realize the depth of wisdom, experience, insight, sacrifice and reflection that his life can offer. I have been drawn to his writings for 20 years or so and find myself journeying back to some of the same pieces over and over.

His writing is significant in Christian Spiritual Formation, but really it is the fact that he lived life well that matters most. He made choices in favor of people, for the sake of the Kingdom in spite of personal gain. And God has been glorified.

These words of his are incubating in my mind right now: "the friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief or bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing....not healing...not curing...that is a friend who cares." Currently, my heart is aching for several friends who are going through VERY tough things and I am a fixer by nature. I work to not be. Did you catch that? And while I absolutely value "presence" and just being able to "be" with people in their hardest moments, my brain goes into overdrive and begins searching for ways to "help." Unless I told you that is what was happening in my mind, you might never guess, but it's happening in every moment of crisis.

I love Nouwen's call to put down the flawed idea of savior and pick up the beautiful role of present friend. This kind of presence can only come out of the overflow of a heart so turned to God that His peace defines, His comfort is tangible and His character is trusted. And so my heart is convicted that as we walk alongside the ones we love, being attentive to God on their behalf, the real job is making oneself available to hear what it is that God is whispering in intimate hushed tones. It is less about what we can do for people and way more about who we are for people because of who God is.

The Color Purple

2011-01-12T06:42:00.000-08:00

I don't really know how to write what I am feeling about this, but that has never stopped me before, so here goes.

I love me some purple! Not sure what that is about but it has been a lifelong love. My Dad, who was a musician, stand up comedian guy, had day jobs to support his artists life and one of those was in the carpet business for a season. He decided to re-carpet our house at one point. I got to pick my color for my room. And yes, I chose rich deep purple. It was fantastic....to me. And to my musician/artist Dad.

Anyway, I never lost my love of the brilliant color and even in the black, white and turquoise years I was secretly a fan. Then I attended college at ACU. A dream come true for a purple lover.

Purple has always represented more to me than just a fun color. I use the expression, "my inner purple" a lot. Those who know me, understand that means my Arlene-ness. You know, the inner core of who you are. Mine just feels, well, purple. I love the purple metaphors for life in poetry, in prose, in art, in theatre. I love the Spiritual significance. The audacity of it, really.

And so, the journey of purple in the hair happened last year. I know there are haters among my friends who scrunch their nose up a bit and wonder, "what the heck." And that is a-ok with me. But the purple streaks in the hair story has taken on its own life. I did it, at first, because I was bored. I fight an inner battle of rebellion all the time. Filtering, monitoring, choosing, intentionally deciding. Picture a two year old trying hard to obey. There you've got it. That is me, inside, still - at almost 44. But allowing some of the inner purple out, just a little, functions like a release valve. And you thought it was just a bad hair color choice.

But the purple hair journey got more interesting as I began to notice what was happening. People who would hardly engage me in conversation before began talking to me. People who looked different to me. It became a great conversation starter. I found a point of connection with a few teenagers who I had previously not been able to connect with before. It has led to significant conversations with checkers at the grocery store, people at the Pizza place around the corner, the tire guys at the local store.

The converse was true too. There is nothing like the disapproving stare of a more conservative peer who is making assumptions about your character based on a few inches of hair color they have observed. It took me back to the less comfortable years and made me think about how I perhaps have judged others. Interesting.

But, I'm writing about it today because of a comment that I overheard on Saturday. Spencer started his Basketball season and we were about in the gym at a local church where he plays. My phone rang and so I hung back to take the call while the family all got settled. Two women came walking by, assumed I was not paying attention because I was on the phone and just a little ways away from where I was standing, the one says to the other, "I guess she should pick to either wear the cross or have the purple hair." It stunned me. I finished on the phone and went to find David. I told him the story and chose to try and just let it go. But, wow - some cards were shown right there. I have pondered those words for several days now. I keep wondering about the times I have had a similar thought and I have asked God to strip my heart of those. Honestly, I think I have messed up enough in my life that judging other people seemed foolish a long time ago, but I know I have my moments. I pray God keeps those words alive in a positive way as a reminder for me.

But for now, I'm all about the cross and purple living symbiotically. And besides, it makes me happy.

A God Who Sees

2011-01-09T16:28:00.000-08:00

Gen. 16: ¹³ She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”

I read this verse today and it will not leave my mind. I have said this before and I am standing by it. I think one of the greatest needs of humanity is to be known and seen. Not seen in a flashy, attention seeking way, but simply to be seen. Noticed. I have heard homeless people describe the pain that comes from being invisible. I have heard those who are recently divorced talk about the pain of becoming invisible to the couples they used to hang out with. Nations who have little to offer are allowed to crumble under genocide, aids epidemics, wars and starvation because they are invisible. Children feel it from parents who are distracted. Teenagers feel it when they are not heard. The elderly are often pushed to the side and in an attempt to reduce our responsibility and increase our convenience they become invisible. People all around us who there but are unseen.

Jesus had a thing for losers, as one of my favorite songs says. He noticed. He saw invisible people. He usually aligned himself with them. He sought them out. Women, children, the sick, the hurting, the ones society marginalized.

And so, now you see why these words from Genesis have found a place in my heart. God is the one who sees. His view of the world and humanity is the one that matters. And once we have had that encounter with the One who sees, our lives are never the same. Hagar who has been a player in a really bad plan to solve a family problem has been mistreated, she flees and hides and feels invisible. But as she hides she discovers that the Lord still sees her. But not only that, He chooses to meet her in that moment of deep distress.

Today I pray that I may see like the one who sees. With His lens. With His heart. With His eyes.

Relationships

2011-01-06T19:46:00.000-08:00

I have written several posts over the last 5 years about friendship, community and relationships. And here I go again. I read a quote today that has really struck a chord with me and I posted it on facebook but I have to explore it some more. From my friend Michele Moore Fant's status: "A great community creates conditions where people can fall in love. It is a place where we can make a fuss over one another. It is a place where we can ask, "How did I ever live without you?" Lois Schmidt

The words...."it is a place where we can ask, how did I ever live without you" really resonate with me. God has given me a generous portion of friends who I can honestly say those words to. We are scattered far and wide across the country and across the world, but they are "those" friends. And that got me thinking.....

In good counseling circles, would those words be acceptable or would they be a sign of bad boundaries and enmeshment? I personally love them. I love the idea of community where you literally feel like your life is incomplete without the touch of the ones that matter. Where, in your relationships you have the edges rubbed off. Where you see the mind and heart of Christ in ways you are not yet experiencing. Where you join giftings and offer something more meaningful to the world. Where you know these people KNOW me and still LOVE me.

This kind of "falling in love friendship" within community is risky. It is intense. It is done with covenant and intentionality. It reaches into your heart and takes up residence. And so it does not leave easily. It is designed to stay the course, for the long haul.

2011-01-05T12:51:00.000-08:00

"Like an airport, the church was never meant to be a destination." Reggie McNeal

Just having a little rant today....

2011-01-04T09:59:00.000-08:00

I have tried to use this blog space of mine as cheap therapy over the last five or so years. It has certainly provided me with ample opportunity for cathartic posts. Not that my plan was fool proof, therapy has been in order along the way, too.

I have, be proud, even employed filters in my writing. Sometimes feeling things and wanting to say things that I knew would not be well received, I managed some restraint. Those who know me, know this in itself is something to be amazed by. I do have filters. I can employ restraint. I know, as I said, be proud.

My political post from 2 years ago, while certainly not the highest comment generating one, is the closest I have come to really putting it all out there.

Until today.

I'm kidding...kinda'. Nothing too heavy, just some thoughts that I need to give an escape path to. They are chasing around in my brain and that's a scary place.

Rant 1: Do you ever want to look at some people squarely in the face and just say...CHILL! Just typing that in caps made me feel better. Oy, this one is about to kill me. I am accused of laughing too quickly, too loudly and too often - but the opposite is not ideal either. Facebook has prompted this one. I have a friend or two that only post the most serious, heavy, lesson learned, self improvement type things. I just want to yell, "tell me about something you saw at Walmart today, please. I can't take one more maxim of universal absolute truth." I am not a shallow-can't-go-deep girl. I love the intense, passion of a good deep conversation. But seriously, I mean, lightheartedly, c'mon guys - chill and chuckle a bit!

Rant 2: "The mommy-blog-that-highlights-the-perfect-life" - the pressure is killer! Thankfully I am too old to be part of this movement, but my heart aches and my brain gets mad for those who are pressured to subscribe to it. I have never seen a time in mommy-hood where there was: more pressure to cook meals ahead for months at a time, make said meals look like The Pioneer Woman's, hand make cards, stitch cute things on cute clothing, spend hours on etsy.com finding ideas on hand making and stitching perfection, schedule kid play time so it looks more like preschool with field trips, art time, story time as if the child needs play suggested by others instead of intuitively just play. The mommies must also look cute, the kids even cuter, with bedrooms that are design masterpieces. And to top it off - Mommyhood must be the pinnacle of all your hopes, dreams and ambitions and fulfilling.

NOW IF YOU ARE OFFENDED: I think the Pioneer Woman, etsy etc are all great resources - don't get me wrong. I like looking cute and I like nice things too. And if Mommyhood has completed you, more power to you. However, I think there are young women around the country that are struggling under the pressure, too afraid to say they want off the "perfect life bus." Its just unattractive to me. The appearance of perfection always is. I want to be a part of the raw, the gritty, the real, the unlaminated, chaotic, non-matching part of people's world.

Rant 3: I am on a very carb restrictive eating plan due to an allergy to wheat. Carbs do not seem to know that. They call my name seductively from the pantry, in restaurants, at the bakery, in my dreams. I've tried to tell them, "it's not about you, it's me." They whisper back in the quiet...."oh but we had you at hello." So, little carby flirts - get behind me. Oh wait, I have less behind since I eliminated you.

This rant session is over, this girl has a little less angst, life is good.

Believing God

2010-12-21T11:55:00.001-08:00

No, I did not just forget the "in" from the title of the post. It was intentional. A whole other conversation, really.
I am so frustrated with myself today. Disappointed in myself. A little angry.

Here's the thing. I sometimes struggle to believe God. To believe that what He has for me is the best thing for me. To believe that the way He wants me to live is the most life giving. To believe that His desires for my heart will in the end serve me best.

Yes, you guessed it. I decided to walk my own path on something and here I sit looking over my shoulder feeling a little heart sick and a lot of self annoyance and all I can muster is..."duh."

God has always been about forming a people. He has done that by calling us to a way of being that mirrors His heart, His intention, His desire, His passions, His character. And not because He needs some ego boost or some power trip or some manipulation tool. But, because He knows how we should live. He knows what abundance looks and feels like. He knows where real life comes from.

And so, at almost 44 I am stunned that once again I have let the whispers of the deceiver throw me off course, even just a little when I know better. I do. Once again, I affirm the covenant with the ultimate covenant keeper and say - yes, I do believe you, God.

Secret Places

2010-09-30T11:21:00.000-07:00

Faces
either showing exuberance,
graciously nodding
often pain oozing out of them
and at worst lifeless
tell a story.

Hearts
pounding with unspoken but real experiences
aching
hurting
untouched or even undiscovered.

Lives
lived by rote
patterns that annoy frustrate and pacify
yet when given the freedom to be
often launch passion in unexpected ways.

Backstories
change everything.
Faces, hearts, lives are given context
truth emerges.
What seems is now rewritten as what is.

Once again
it is clear that what we think we see is not clear.
Within all humanity is the beating of a story yet to be spoken
because it is unsafe to speak.
Within all humanity is the desire for relationship yet to be pursued
because it is unsafe to feel.
Within all humanity is the secret place yet to be named
because it is unsafe to admit.

Faces, hearts, lives, backstories
nothing is quite what it seems.

The Heart

2010-09-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure mine is physically not in great shape - my Dad died of heart disease at the age of 59. I am not working out regularly and I am carrying more weight than I should be, although that is slowly coming off - woohoo!

However, cardiology is not the direction I am going here. I am fascinated by the capacity of the human heart. A wall plaque hangs in my daughters room that reads, "think with your heart." That really is a goal I have for my kids. I want them to be heart driven. I want them to be so in touch with their heart that compassion, empathy and love overflow out of it. I want them to choose to do the thing that their heart knows is right even when their logic is screaming no. This is scary because when one lives from a place of passion/heart life gets messy.

I am learning to live with messy. Never thought I would. I am an odd mix of really spontaneous and out there coupled with a little OCD that needs my i's dotted and my t's crossed. Messy has never been my favorite because it does not fit into cute storage containers.
But life, the great teacher, has me transforming and I like it.

I am sure if most of the people that I interact with could see into my heart and see the muddled mess they would fear for me. They would counsel me or caution me. They would suggest I 'tighten' things up a bit. They may suggest I get rid of some things and replace them with different things. Lots and lots of advice about how my heart should look. But, honestly, I've never felt more alive in my life, right in the middle of the mess of life. With fewer defined things ever. With life plans that are in transition. With faith that is being called to something bigger and new but yet defined. With relationships that cause me pause. But there is freedom here. There is a sense of real, raw, nitty gritty life. I've been longing for this. I want to feel my heart beat in my chest and my pulse race. And I am.

When we open our hearts, life gets risky. But from my little corner of the world, life gets really worth living. Don Miller, in Searching for God Knows What, writes: What if the deepest longings of your heart were there for a reason? Small minded boxed in formulas of modern religion were not the truth? The gospel of Jesus was not "safe" after all, but full of intrigue, passion and romance."

Now we're talking.

Exodus

2010-09-02T05:45:00.000-07:00

I am in the middle of a curriculum writing process and that is why my thoughts are turned to Exodus. I love a good analogy and thrive on a metaphor. Exodus feels like Theological Grand Central Station to me. It seems like every big theological idea flows through Exodus on its way to its final destination.

Moses' life

Moses' call

Moses' & Pharaoh

Plagues, Release and Red Sea

Desert wanderings and provision

Arrival at Sinai

God speaks and gives assurance of His presence

Covenant

Plans for Worship

Golden Calf

Moses and God at Sinai

Tabernacle

I keep coming back to chapter 24 and chapter 33. They are such powerful images of an intimate relationship between the Redeemer God and humanity. God seeks to dwell among His people. He promises that His presence goes with humanity. He keeps covenant in the midst of unfaithfulness. He gives consequences but He never withholds love. Law and Story are interwoven and instead of being oppositional they are both prescriptive and descriptive of our story with God. Immanence and Transcendence flood the pages of this book - Sovereign God who is above all speaks at the Mountain and humanity must turn its face from the glory, yet Sovereign God dwells among the people in their camp and at the tent of meeting.

It leaves one echoing the words one reads...The Lord...The Lord...The Lord!

You Are Holy Because I Am Holy

2010-05-22T15:01:00.000-07:00

Holy. Me. Really? My mind keeps drifting to this idea of holiness and what it really means for us. I think many of us have endured a form of "reductionist" Christianity that has reduced the gospel down to manageable ideas and soundbites. It has also reduced the way of Christ down to sin management at best. My heart tells me there has to be more. However I know where my mind goes and I know to what and to whom my heart feels pulled and I am left challenged by my own unholiness.

After looking at this word and how it is used I think I am sure of this. Holiness is God's work. Alone. It is what He does in and through us. What makes us Holy is not our own piety or our own ability to "do good." It is because God has consecrated us for His purpose. Whether it is a place or a time or a special day or a person -- it is the consecrating of that thing or being for use by God that makes it holy.

And so we are holy because He is holy. We are made, called and sent for a purpose.

Simplicity versus Simplistic

2010-05-21T06:27:00.000-07:00

A facebook interaction with a friend recently has stirred these thoughts and I am not really sure I have a good way to articulate what I am thinking. Ah, this is why I blog. I get to order ideas and thoughts on paper, well on a screen if we are going to be technical.

This began with the idea on her wall that Faith is not Intellectual Suicide. I thought long and hard about that idea and was trying not to comment because I knew it would develop into a longer conversation. But, in spite of my best attempts at self regulation, I commented. I said something like, "it may not be, but it sure feels like it sometimes when you see how the church and Christians tend to offer simplistic answers to complexity." Her response was that simplification of truth was the challenge. I responded back that at some level I think I see her point....HOWEVER...

Simplistic answers like: God, Jesus, Bible and Church just don't cut it anymore. Pray, Repent, Obey don't either. They are all still true, valuable answers -- we just have to measure how we use them. In a culture that no longer values the "I have all the answers" mentality that Christianity has prided itself on, we have to change our ways. It is now more attractive to have good questions, hard questions, ones that require a struggle.

And so, when considering these two "S" words -- we can agree that God is truth and that is simple, but it is everything that follows that statement that is nuanced, tensioned, and gritty that we need to be challenged with. If we simplify down to simplistic we are no longer representing God in the way He chose to reveal Himself to humanity.

Taking a Break

2010-02-08T14:06:00.001-08:00

It has been 5 years of blogging now and I discovered today that there is no easy way to delete a blogspot account short of deleting individual blog posts. So, I am going to be taking a break from this blog for a while. Who knows, maybe we will catch up later!

Missional Living

2010-01-30T16:19:00.001-08:00

The last 5 years or so many conversations between pastoral staff and ministry folks in general have centered around the idea of the shift from programmatic church to missional church. We have tried to define it and struggled. We have linked it to post-modernity and it has scared many. We have tried to delineate between emergent and missional. Where emergents seem ticked off and angry at their church past, missionals have tried to soften their voices to seem more understanding. It has been an interesting time.

I personally have read a fair amount on all sides of the missional and emergent conversation. I have taken a graduate level class about planting missional churches. I am as much a Hirsch & Frost fan as the next person. But I remain somewhat confused as often I go back to the "how?"

Well yesterday I finished reading Tangible Kingdom. What a book. It is a beautiful unfolding of what incarnational missional community looks like. It has taken my assumptions and turned them on their head. It has challenged me and frustrated me. However, more than anything it has given me hope and a child like excitement about my faith journey.

Shirley, was her name

2010-01-15T21:20:00.000-08:00

I don't usually go on about my Mom, but this year at least on facebook, I have talked about her a lot. The timing is curious for me. She died 7 years ago tomorrow and it feels like yesterday and an eternity.

Sometimes we have the ability to only remember the good and the picture that emerges only half resembles the truth. I remember the things about my Mom that irritated me. I remember the things that I wished were different. But really those things are few and the list is short.

And so today I am indulging myself with the things she did right.
She loved fiercely -- she had your back and you knew it.
She loved tenderly -- her ability to read your face and listen to your heart was amazing.
She gave extravagantly -- out of both overflow and shortage, her generosity was unsurpassed.
She noticed people -- her friends comprised both the popular and the unpopular alike.
She listened with her ears and heart -- she just got people.
She loved the Lord -- not perfectly, but passionately.
She held family close -- her kids, her grand kids, her sisters and brothers, nieces and nephews.
She welcomed people -- our home was always filled with people.
She inspired people -- more so while she was suffering through cancer than ever.

And there is more. But these are the things I am thinking about tonight and am grateful to have seen modelled for me. What a joy!

And they called her Shirls!

Thinking

2010-01-12T14:41:00.000-08:00

I get made fun of a lot for over-thinking. My brain can be a scary place, and if you have read this blog very long I bet you are "Amen-ing" right about now! One of my friends reshaped the over-thinking for me a while back and told me to embrace it as a gift. I try to remember that when I begin to feel overwhelmed by my thoughts.

So let me begin by saying, today I was thinking..... And I was. While preparing for teaching tomorrow, I realized I could not move on to the subject matter until I addressed the idea of thinking with my students. We need to talk about how people think. How generational groupings change our thought processes, how experiences shape our thoughts and how temperament and personality drive it. Just the idea that we get to go here is thrilling to me!

And while I do not want to scare high schoolers, this is important stuff to deal with. Understanding how we think about things is sometimes as central as what we think about them. In my book anyway.

unChristian

2009-12-29T19:45:00.001-08:00

I am prepping right now for my High School Protestant Class at Ascension Academy this Spring. We are going to be working through the book unChristian. It is a good read and offers some really good insights for consideration.

Chapter 1 has a line tucked away in the opening page that has really struck me. Nothing particularly profound but very striking. David Kinnamon and Gabe Lyons spent three years looking at the perceptions of "outsiders" toward Christians and Church and spend the bulk of this book looking at the big perceptions that add to Christianity's image problem. One of the things they heard from Mosaics (16-29) repeatedly in their research was this little line: "They admit their emotional and intellectual barriers go up when they are around Christians, and they reject Jesus because they feel rejected by Christians."

This is so convicting to me. There are so many possible questions that flow out of this statement. Bad theology that unravels right here and good theology that is just begging to be heard. Conversations about kingdom and living for Jesus now and not merely hanging on for heaven. Confessions about how and when we really live incarnationally and when we fail. So many ideas.

But today as I sit on my couch watching the snow fall, I am struck very personally by the thought - "how do I represent Jesus?"

Uncertainty

2009-12-28T14:29:00.000-08:00

Warning: Self Indulgent Personal Reflections to Follow!

It has been a while since I have had as many unanswered questions in my mind as I seem to have right now. Questions about the future, about what to do, about how to do it, about established church vs. organic church, about heaven and hell, about passion vs pragmatics, about timing vs. randomness....oh the list goes on.

Last night David and I talked for hours about some of this and we had to end the conversation with "idk's" -- not a very helpful place for someone who is seeking answers. But life sometimes presents us with more questions than answers and knowing how to be in the midst of that is an art.

My ability to "be" is being challenged and the indecision feels like it is killing me. And so for today, the words of Jesus keep rattling around my head.... "do not worry about your life..."

More on Moses

2009-12-22T07:14:00.000-08:00

The last couple of days I have had some thoughts bouncing around my brain but have struggled to land them. Hopefully being able to articulate them here I can solidify what I am thinking. Don't mind me while I process!

It becomes clear early on in Exodus that God uses flawed people. Spend much time in scripture and that is a hard to miss fact. Humanities perfection is never a prerequisite to God using us. Good thing, eh? Moses appears less than confident in his ability to speak for God. He seems generally anxious about things. He needs God to reaffirm His promises. He gets angry and frustrated and generally seems like a pretty normal guy.

This is speaking volumes to me right now in life. The last almost 3 years since turning 40 have taken me on a journey that I could never have predicted. Stereotypically I began reflecting on life and who I am and how I live it. I asked God to invade my heart and begin to show me the worst parts of myself so I could offer those up to Him. I was done with dark, secret places. It has been an eye opening, awe inspiring painful process. The first six months of this year seemed to be bringing that process to a conclusion. God had been faithful to reveal Himself to me and to reveal so much crud about myself that is has been overwhelming.

Don't read that I had handled the revealed crud in the first six months of this year - I just knew what it was. That felt good and I have never felt as close to God in my life. But then, as July drew on - wham! I was hit by a whole new set of stuff and it has made the last six months of the year the most personally challenging, invigorating ones I have experienced in years. Out of the blue I learned stuff about myself, how I feel, what I need, what I lack, what I crave and who I can be -- and they all surprised me.....NEW STUFF!

But here is the most delightful part of all. In the middle of me uncovering new crud and still seeing myself as struggling, God has drawn people to me who are struggling with similar things. He never misses an opportunity for us to walk alongside each other. He can use us in the middle of our struggles. He still uses flawed people and that is good news!

Gratitude comes in different packages

2009-12-21T08:42:00.000-08:00

Like most everyone else on the planet, as Christmas draws close and the New Year is on the horizon, we begin to reflect on blessings and the things we are grateful for.

This morning I was thinking about some of the things that I am grateful for:

1.The sound of my kids laughing -- they both can really crack up and sometimes I find myself just dying laughing because they are laughing!

2.Ten o'clock tea -- every night David and I stop whatever we are doing and have our "before bed tea" around 10 or 10:30. No matter what else has happened that day or how disconnected we may be due to busyness or ministry, we know without a doubt that we get real connection time over a cuppa every night.

3.Relationships -- it is no surprise to anyone that I would describe myself as relationally driven. I am so thankful for the people in my life who I have coffee with, have lunch with, work with, volunteer with, and worship with. Naturally we all find ourselves closer to some people than others but all the layers of relationship matter for different reasons. And so to my closest friends -- the besties -- I just say I love you!

4.All the little things: post-it notes, good ice, real coke, the sound of rain, colored paper clips, sharpies, starbucks, mail, organized cabinets, fun jewelry, my pets, storage containers of any kind, textures, books....I should stop now!

Moses and God

2009-12-19T21:39:00.000-08:00

For the first time in a long time I am spending time reading Exodus. To be honest, not by choice but due to some curriculum writing that is looming in my near future. However, the more time I spend with it, the more I choose to spend. I am so enjoying the relationship between Moses and God. It is real, intimate, and communicative. And just when one might think that familiarity breeds contempt the Almighty Sovereign Worship Compelling nature of God overcomes Moses and I the reader want to hide my face too.

I am chapters away and because I know the story, epic events away, from the narrow focus of the curriculum I will be writing, but it has me pondering. These thoughts are a little random, not thematic and still in process. Today I am struck by these insights:

-God is the ultimate covenant keeper
-God loves us and seeks relationship with us in a fierce, passionate way
-I am left not understanding the "situational ethics" sometimes...the midwives lie to protect the Israelites and God blesses them....huh?
-God and Moses know each other -- really know each other
-God meets Moses in a burning bush .... Moses holds God's feet to the fire and insists that He acts (so boldly at times it makes me uncomfortable)
-God provides in both extravagant and simple ways
-God equips humanity for the task that He calls us to

And today as I feel a little uncertain about what the future holds, I am assured again that Manna for today is all we need.

Search Me

2009-11-06T20:21:00.000-08:00

Psalm 139 declares that God has searched us and knows us. This is not news. Scripture often reminds us that he made us and formed us and remembers that we are dust. But there is something haunting in these words.

Allow yourself to linger there for a moment. There is no dark place, no secret closet, no hiding spot in the heart that He does not have access to, yet we live like we can fool Him.

I think I am discovering that there is nothing quite as freeing as asking God to know me and wanting Him to willingly search me. It means I have to face the sin, the crud, the stuff that I try to ignore. But as each wave of truthfulness and surrender takes over, we position ourselves for spiritual transformation.

Just a few words in the opening lines of a Psalm can change us.

Longing

2009-09-09T06:58:00.000-07:00

Today I begin meeting with a new Spiritual Formation Group on Wednesday nights. What a trip this will be. We will journey together through the book Sacred Rhythms and see what God has in store for us. As a community we will share our hearts and learn to be real and open with each other so that the Lord can speak into our lives.

I am convinced that this journey is richer and fuller if we can begin by surfacing our longings. What is it that God has placed in you that keeps trying to rise to the surface, but you squelch. Ruth Haley Barton invites readers to begin exploring that idea early on in her book. Donald Miller, in Searching for God Knows What writes: "what if the deepest longings of your heart where there for a reason? small minded boxed-in formulas of modern religion weren't the Truth? the gospel of Jesus was not safe after all, but full of intrigue, passion and romance?"

Longings are sometimes scary to us. They involve us naming what we want. They may involve a "holy discontent" they may even make us feel unfaithful to what we have always known and done. I am excited by the prospect of seeing this group of women surface their longings!

Holy Ground

2009-07-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

In churches of Christ over the last 20 years or so, we have sung #100 & #101 from the blue book in a woven medley style. Given that I haven't used a song book in years, it is also shown in a media form in a woven medley style. Even though this is an older set of songs, there is something very moving to me in the words. Something holy, rich, awe inducing.

Today those words are rushing over my spirit in regards to relationship. Our relationships are holy ground. We risk, we seek approval, we hear pain, we gain affirmation, we struggle together, we see ourselves most clearly in relationship to others, we confess, we forgive and we love. Just doesn't get much better than that.

And so God is calling me, yelling at me actually to say thanks for the Holy Ground of relationship. I believe through God I can live out his covenantal character with every person I meet. In my marriage I can seek to be conformed more fully into the image of Christ so that I can be a wife that empowers David to be the best he can be. In my friendships I seek to love more fully and unconditionally. In relationships that I am just starting I seek to be open and safe.

But rarely are these things so easy to order. Issues arise, pain intrudes, woundedness and brokenness sometimes hijack our best attempts at holy relationships. Sometimes we over function, other times we under function. Boundaries are crossed and then realigned. It gets messy. Our hearts are pulled in directions that surprise us and we have to step back. Did I mention it was messy? And so in each of these moments of less than stellar relational behaviour, I ask the Lord to cover me and make me new. And to be an agent of forgiveness, grace and strength to those who are struggling.
You redeem my life from the pit, and crown me with love and mercy. (Psalm 103)

Oops correction

2009-07-21T10:36:00.001-07:00

The book I am working through is Sacred Rhythms, not Sacred Pathways!

Revelation

2009-07-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

While driving home today from Abilene, I believe the Lord really revealed some things to me. I am part of a small group that is seeking the presence of the Lord through the book Sacred Pathways and community with each other.

In this group I have shared my struggle with this thing we call "church." Church as we know it, is hard for me. Probably will always be. I love rapid change, I am a product of Post-Modernity, I am uninstitutional - all things that make regular church hard. But God, in the gentle whisper is speaking to me.

God prompted me to begin defining what my ideal church would look like. And so I made a mental list. The ideal church:

Works for justice:
for the under-represented in this country
for the marginalized around the globe
for the gay community who are denied basic rights in their relationships

Has full and equal participation in worship, in ministry, in service:
the only qualifying question is: who is most gifted to fit this role?

Has worship that is vibrant, dynamically current and engaging.

Encounters the Lord through the arts.

That sees itself as a place for hundreds of intimate communities to experience "worship together" and to equip Christians to go and live like Christ in their actual worlds.

Is organized around, defined by intimate communities within the larger whole.

I felt smug and proud of my mental list. And then God prompted me again. What would David's list look like? What about Michelle, or Allyson? What about Sally, Missy, Adam, Greg. What about Matt? Slowly I began to realize all the "Ideal Lists" would look significantly different. Some of what is core to my list, would be unattractive to David. He would probably fill his list with things that reach back to his Catholic roots - things that have shaped him and he loves and adores. Clearly, I heard the question, So why should your list prevail?

And I began to realize what God was leading me to. The real challenge is this. What is stopping me from being church (the ideal list) in every aspect of my life. What is stopping me from working for justice, of creating the kind of community I value, worshipping regularly in the way I described. I already have wonderful opportunities to teach across the globe, recently, even preach - what a joy that was! And God has opened the door for me to work with Center Peace to help provide a place of belonging for those struggling with same-sex attraction.

Instead of an unholy discontent with church as it exists currently, what about being an incarnational example of what I believe in. Why not be the church. If being like Christ is really the goal, if sharing His heartbeat is what I am aiming for, does the representation of church really matter. If my inner life is so God directed that I am fully present with Him what does it matter.

These are hard things. Kingdom things. Relational things. My prayer is that God will continue to call me to a holy discontent: a real hunger for Him. And when my spirit of unholy discontent about church creeps in, I can ask Him to temper that with what really matters.

Fully Alive

2009-07-05T21:31:00.000-07:00

Currently, I am reading Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton. It is a rich read. In the opening pages she addresses a struggle that surfaced all sorts of emotions in me. She talks about the longings of our heart. Those linked to our faith journey. The deep, often hidden, ever present longings. You know the ones. They make you ask the question: "Is there more than this". These same longings often express themselves as the desire for more, for deeper, for greater significance. Barton suggests that Jesus invites us to surface the longings and give them to Him. She refers to the times when Jesus approaches people and asks the question; What do you WANT from me? Have you thought about that. Really? Jesus asks Bartimaeus this question. I am thinking, sight was probably high on his list. Surely Jesus knew this. But there is more going on here. This question is meant to surface the obvious needs and the longings of our heart.

These longings can be satisfied. As we draw in close to God through living out the spiritual practices the longings of our heart can be expressed. Once they are named and offered to the Lord, He is faithful to honor.

And here is the other aspect of this. Longing is our hearts way of begging for life. Our faith walk HAS to be about more than heaven or some eventual ultimate salvation. It has got to be about our life here and now. A life that is devoted to seeking Jesus. A life devoted to being shaped by Jesus. A life devoted to seizing moments and living them for Jesus. A life devoted to justice, to mercy, to love. A life lived in such a way that our being empowers others around us to live fully too.

Oh What A Day!

2009-07-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

Sunday was a first for me. I was asked to preach for the Amarillo Unitarian Fellowship. I have never spoken to such a diverse group before, especially regarding spiritual things. The days leading up to Sunday had me tense. I wanted to speak a word that would be heard in language that would be credible to such a diverse crowd. Yet, the burden of being faithful to my love of Jesus.

God came through and together we formed a message that was relevant and true. The members of the Fellowship were gracious, welcoming and hospitable to me.

Travels and such

2009-07-01T08:53:00.001-07:00

I recently returned from two weeks in Australia and a week in Papua New Guinea. I was part of a team that hosted two renewals with Come before Winter. What an incredible blessing. God does amazing things in us and the women who are attending the renewals. Too much happened for me to summarize in a blog post. But some of the enduring thoughts are this:

1.I have made some of the most incredible friendships that will last a lifetime. Inspirational, strong, intelligent, heart directed, spiritual woman. What a gift. It was so hard to leave.

2.Even after teaching a block on how to read the Psalter and a theological reading group on Psalm 103 (several times), I gained insights into this Psalm that were profound and forming. Continued revelation is a gift.

3.After the renewals I got to hang out with friends from years ago in South Africa. Few things are as fulfilling as sweet reunions.

4.The missionaries (linguists who are translating scripture, traditional missionaries, support ministers etc) in Papua New Guinea are awe-inspiring. This is not an easy country to move to but they have done it with grace and love. Their work is hard and long term. They are isolated and often alone for projects. They make you want to be better. Lift them up in prayer. Lift up Wycliffe, Pioneer Bible Translators, NewTribes - all of these sending organizations.

5.My heart was touched by the single women who are on the field. Working hard. Maintaining boundaries. Sometimes lonely. Quite amazing.

Quandary

2009-03-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

I realize this is a delicate subject.

I am part of a group that is looking at our youth ministry space and making design recommendations for updates and improvements. We technically don't have a space besides regular classrooms. It is hard for kids in a youth group to see the mega churches in their cities and only wish to have the facilities and on tap entertainment that they provide. My home is pretty and certainly nicer than the majority of the world's population will ever dream of. But herein lies the quandary. Today I have been plagued by this thought: how can we expect our kids to simplify, do with less, intentionally recycle, give extravagantly and at the same time be party to trying to "update" their space. These are extremes, I know. Yet the question will not leave my heart.

Personally, I feel like God is taking me on a journey of living with less. I am loving it. I feel like the economy is proving that storing away for a future that is uncertain is not a goal worthy of the kind of dedication and slavery that consumes so many lives. People have literally seen there nest eggs evaporate. Should we be responsible? Sure. Do I think that we should be giving and generous ahead of financial hoarding? Absolutely. There has to be something to the idea of "daily bread' given that Jesus speaks to it so often. God is not big on the Israelites storing for tomorrow either.

But honestly, this is hard. Our Christian culture looks very similar to the world in general when it comes to money and stuff and I am over that. I made a decision to not buy any new clothing or anything decorative for my home for this year. It has required me just not going to stores. In certain stores I just avoid those departments. But it is hard. And this is just one small area. Now this is not just about doing with less, it is about enjoying and appreciating what we have. A hard discipline really.

So while I have these challenging areas in my life that God is trying to grow me in I am also faced with the youth space issue. What to do?

Hypocrisy

2009-03-02T14:08:00.000-08:00

You've heard the research, maybe even heard the direct accusations. Christians are hypocrites. I am not a fan of casting any large group into one particular category with one foul swoop, and so my instant reaction is to say, "wait a minute." I want to do a good PR job on us and manage our images a little, justifying behaviors or explaining away actions. I so badly don't want to be "one of them" that my indignation and holier than thou attitude, lands me right in the middle of "them" more than I would like.

Like it or not, this is a worthy topic to think about. Servers in restaurants complain about the Sunday lunch crowd, unbelievers feel judged by Christians, many who have held themselves up as people of God have been exposed to the general public as cheats, liars, adulterers and manipulators. At some level it is not too much to say, some have earned the reputation of Hypocrite and all of us have to now bear it. But the court of public opinion is not really the greatest concern for me, albeit important. What about God...what does He think?

I have spent time in Acts 5 with Ananias and Sapphira lately. What a sobering read that can be. And after much reflection I believe we are being taught something so powerful in this account that it can not be ignored. God acted harshly, swiftly, decisively with these two. Why? Others have lied, others have cheated, many still do. I firmly believe the issue at stake was hypocrisy. God is ever patient with us as we attempt to live in kingdom ways - often messing up and allowing temptations to overcome us. Yet, if our hearts are turned to Him and we are desirous of a surrendered life and are making attempts to that end, He continues to grace us with gifts of growth and change. However with A & S He sees right through to the heart. They had predetermined to appear religious, pious, holy, sacrificial, surrendered- but it was all a show. God will not have that. If our aim is to receive the admiration, praise and respect of our spiritual family by our acts of faith that are borne out of ill-motive and deception we can expect the wrath of God. They were claiming to be something they were not. God did not require their land or the proceeds from it. And yet they chose to try to deceive the Lord, the Apostles, the community of faith in order to appear more righteous than they were.

For many of us, we will not face such a drastic situation. But on a daily basis as we live for God I have been challenged to review my motives, my heart, my intent and to ask God to cleanse any ugliness from my heart. How thankful I am for mercy!

Faith in a vaccuum

2009-02-17T15:28:00.000-08:00

As I am reading Acts I am confronted with "the church" at every turn. This is hard for me. I know congregational ministry is how my bills are paid every month. But, truth be told, it is hard for me. I have often joked to David that church gets in the way of my faith all the time. Many jokes are told with truth lingering just below the surface.

I am in the middle of a conversation right now with a friend about his discouragement with organized religion. He is struggling with how to be a Christian without the trappings of church. I have been there. I am not a huge fan of the institution. I want to break the rules. I thrive in change. Creativity and reinvention are what sustain me. None of these are traits that the church is known for.

So, what now? Here is what I believe to be true. One can certainly be a Christian and live in an isolated situation. However, I don't really think we can be spiritually formed or have our faith refined unless we are prepared to live in community with others. There is just nothing that softens the edges quite like having to deal with people that take patience. And taken one step further as we are called to do in the community of faith...nothing softens the edges quite like learning to love people who are different to ourselves.

And so, as Acts keeps reminding me, God adds us to communities of faith because He knows that is where we are most transformed into His image.

Faith & Justice

2009-02-04T07:10:00.000-08:00

For those of you who are reading this from Amarillo, I am not talking about Channel 4 news, but it is the perfect segue. We have a local TV station here with two night time anchors, Andy Justice and Faith Miller. What a deal for KAMR. Their news slogan is.....(drum roll) Faith&Justice working for you (or something similar).

And as I am about to tell my High School religion students this is no coincidence. Faith and justice go together because that is what God designed from the very beginning. The Old Testament is cram packed with references to God judging the hearts of those who are mistreating the weak, the alien, the under represented. Micah 6:8 says that God requires us to be people who Act Justly, Love Mercy and Walk Humbly with Him. Jesus' ministry is defined by His compassion and His care for the least of these. He tells us that when we ignore the plight of the thirsty, the hungry or the naked, we essentially ignore His plight. We read on and see that true and pure religion is defined as taking care of widows and orphans.

I have had my students looking at these verses and some shocking stats from Unicef on the real conditions of food, medicine and basic supplies around the world. One of them said, "this is just depressing" and wondered why I am making them face these things. My answer to her leads me to this post. It is a harsh reality, but empowering. Once we face the real condition of our globe, and we take the time to investigate what we can do, we can make a difference. And so I assigned them each two websites to read through and answer some questions about so that they can see how they can make a difference. We checked out everything from Tom's Shoes, to Christian Relief Fund to Kiva Microfinancing. I asked them to answer several questions about the organization and how much it would take for them to get involved in just one project. The tougher question was for them to look at their spending habits and see what it would take for them to divert money that usually flows to their entertainment etc and put it to one of these projects. It does not cost us that much really to make a difference in just one area. Buying a mosquito net from NothingButNets.net is just $10 and that can save a life. For $10 really? Just two trips to McDonalds. Hmmm..

We are taking the lesson a little further today with a field trip to Natural Grocers to hear a short presentation on Fair Trade/Equal Exchange. I am not trying to get them to spend every dollar on non profits or never drink a cup of Folgers again. I just want them to know their are options and choices where they can make an impact on the world. With Valentines coming up I thought showing them Fair Trade chocolate seemed like a good option.

Friday I have them reading a section from Irresistible Revolution and then hopefully this will lead to a school wide project or focus where we as a school can think beyond ourselves and make a mark for Justice on the world. Not because we want to be social activists (not that I would have a problem with that as the reason) but because we claim to be people of faith. And I firmly believe that faith should lead us to justice.

Incredible!

2009-01-20T12:19:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM

Blogging Block

2009-01-17T15:03:00.000-08:00

I have needed a push to blog recently. For the first time in a long time I literally have nothing to say. Did I just write that? Me, chatty-cathy...nothing. I struggled to make the time to blog during the holidays and I find that when I am out of the habit, it is hard to return to it.

It's more than that though. I find myself slipping quickly into my shell after Christmas - January is a tough month. The anniversary of both parent's death come creeping up on me and I am not always conscious of how it affects me until I look over my shoulder. But I can feel the weight lifting already.

I am also spiritually dry right now. You know how the seasons come and go. I have not been in this place for a while and so it has really knocked the wind out of my sails. I was having coffee with a friend a week or so ago and he too is struggling right now. This is what I have come to. Many Christians live their lives from church meeting to church meeting with very little God time or God moments in between and they seem quite okay with that experience. But when you have struggled for something more and you have experienced walking intimately with the Lord and you know the connection that brings in your life, it is such a hard thing to endure the times that are dry. In my life times like this happen because my focus shifts and how I use my time changes and before long I begin treating God like someone I know, just not someone I want to be with. Being able to articulate this and feeling more normalcy return to my schedule is helping this weight to lift also.

Here's to 2009 and waking up each day asking the question: "What do you want to do with me today, Lord?"

Check it out

2008-12-29T18:59:00.000-08:00

I have a "Steven" link under my friends to the left of this column that has been there a long time. Steven has moved his blog and I have updated the url, so click on it and it will take you directly to his new site, Elevated Praise.

Besides being one of those friends that you hold in your inner circle, Steven is a fabulous worship pastor. Fabulous. So, as a good worship resource and a place to share his spiritual journey, check out that link.

Oh, and hope your holidays have been awesome. I have a lot to share as soon as I have a regular schedule!

Zimbabwe

2008-12-11T06:03:00.001-08:00

...A cruel dictator...
...No democracy...
...Human rights abuses...
...No food for the people...
...Death due to no available medical supplies...
...Government corruption unlike anything we have seen in decades...
...Aid being diverted to prop up the politicians...
...Disgustingly lavish lives led by the leader...

...no oil reserves - just a little copper in what is left of the mines...
I guess their plight will be ignored.

Sunday Morning Mental Snapshots

2008-11-30T20:42:00.000-08:00

1. Our church is located downtown and so we have a large outreach ministry to our neighborhood and other marginalized people in our community. Our vision and mission is shaped by this and increasingly our other ministries are being evaluated through this filter. One way in which our outreach is becoming more of our DNA and less of a "ministry" is what we call Green Tags. Instead of people coming into the office on Monday afternoons for assistance with gas vouchers, utilities, rent money, assistance with obtaining drivers license/birth certificates etc, that is now handled on Sunday mornings. Volunteers wearing green tags are available to assist those coming in with requests. The load is spread from just the outreach minister to a load of green tag volunteers. People are prayed with, listened to, helped, invited to a breakfast time. And that is where the first image comes from. As I turned a corner in the Southwest corner of the building this morning I saw two children between the ages of 5-8 sitting at a table enjoying a hearty breakfast. Their Dad was being helped, their baby sister was being loved on by a volunteer and they had been fed by a few other helpers. Beautiful.

2. I am wrapping up a Christmas Tree Tag project where our church provides gifts for children in foster care. The tree is bare because all the tags are taken. Yet, a widowed man came up to the table today to check how he could still help. The holidays are hard for him, shopping is not his favorite thing, but ensuring that these kids have a good holiday trumped it all. Beautiful.

3. Our focus in worship today was on the abundance of God as our Shield, our Comfort, our Hope and our Provider. We celebrated abundance throughout the whole morning and our worship culminated with a Lord's supper celebration like no other. We had tables set up all around the auditorium with delicious loaves of bread from Great Harvest Bread company and cups of grape juice. People were given chunks of bread and full cups of juice to really experience taking in the body and blood of Christ. It was the final element of worship and so it led directly into fellowship time so people stood around the tables taking their communion in community before leaving. Beautiful.

Gift Giving that Grows the Kingdom

2008-11-14T15:23:00.000-08:00

This is in response to something I had on facebook today. I am posting a list of the gift giving ideas that I included in the article that I mentioned on facebook. I have taken out all the "waffling" that I did inbetween and this is merely the list. I hope you get some good ideas!

1.Eternal threads - www.eternalthreads.com
"We are dedicated to improving the lives of women in poverty by giving them work, marketing their handmade goods and returning the profits to educate girls. Everytime you purchase a tote you help keep a woman employed and educate a girl. Your purchase of a small size tote doubles the family income of a woman for nearly a week and educates a girl for two months."
You can purchase beautiful handmade totes and bags from India along with lots of new merchandise from Nepal, Afghanistan, Madagasacar and Thailand.

2.Christian Relief Fund - www.christianrelieffund.org
"The Christian Relief Fund is dedicated to following Christ’s example of ministering to human needs: spiritually, physically, and emotionally, by feeding the hungry, healing disease and heartbreak, fighting ignorance and poverty through education and preaching the Gospel through word and deed."
You can sponsor a child through Christian relief fund and literally change the trajectory of someone's future.

3.The Kibo Group - www.kibogroup.org
$49 plants a mvule tree on behalf of that person in your life who already has everything. (That’s actually cheap for a “Christmas” tree these days, and ours are actually alive and growing!). We send you a card. with your tree registration number, which you can use to follow your tree online!A village, with the help of a Mvule Project engineer plants a tree and marks it with a Global Positioning System (GPS) for further monitoring. We are allowing up to 100 trees per village so we need the GPS to keep track of them. Periodically for a year (every month at first) we will return to the trees to monitor their status. Every live tree garners a payment . . . with each payment increasing, sometimes doubling, from the last one. You get the picture . . . the motivation to keep these trees alive is big, big, big! If a mvule tree can make it through the harsh first year, it’s good to grow. At the end of a year, 100 living trees will mean more than $3000 for a village and their project. That’s good money for a village and that’s easy management for us. Because of the economic seeds you’ve planted, Ugandan children will grow stronger physically, spiritually, and academically. And one day, their children will sit in the shade of your mvule tree.

4. Catchall Basket: This beautiful basket starts at just $10, but then again is is made from grass and potato chip bags found littering the streets of Nepal. http://btcelements.com/products/?view=sub_product&sid=2305&cid1=376&cid2=364&cid3=370

5. Elephant Dung Products: It sounds kind of gross but cool at the same time. Pick up stationary sets made from elephant dung. The money helps save elephants. http://www.rainbowgifts-usa.com/stationary.htm

6. Toms Shoes: Buy a pair of Toms Shoes and the company will donate a pair to a child who doesn’t have any. http://www.tomsshoes.com/

7. Envirosax: Pick up reusable grocery bags and know you are doing your part to help the earth. A portion of sales go toward environmental causes. http://www.envirosax.com/products/greengrocer_series/

8. Oxfam America Unwrapped: Give a powerful gift through Oxfam America Unwrapped. $90 buys a pair of sheep, $500 plants a forest. http://www.oxfamamericaunwrapped.com/

9. Kikoy Covered Book: Help marginalized women in Africa by purchasing their handmade products like this covered book for just $10.99. http://www.amaniafrica.org/shop/item.php?itemID=127

10.Kiva Microfinancing - www.kiva.org
"Kiva lets you lend to a specific entrepreneur in the developing world - empowering them to lift themselves out of poverty"

Tagged

2008-11-14T09:21:00.000-08:00

My sweet friend Cassie tagged me and here are the rules:

"find the NEAREST book, turn to page 56, find the fifth sentence, and post the next two -5 sentences. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or an intellectual book - pick the NEAREST book"

From Learning to Pray the Psalms by James Sire: "This psalm has clear subject breaks between the various stanzas, but, as may already be clear, it has the structure of a reverie more than that of a rational argument. It is like a conversation one might have with oneself upon retiring for the night."

And I tag - Kinney Mabry

A View From Behind

2008-11-07T10:43:00.000-08:00

Last night between dinner and the next thing on our "date agenda" David and I were hanging out at Barnes & Noble. William Paul Young, author of The Shack was there - he gave a brief talk and then did a book signing. We found two overstuffed comfy chairs behind the book signing station and just watched the line of people for over an hour. It was incredible.

Person after person walked up to the table, introduced themselves, asked for Mr. Young to sign their book (or books - because clearly lots of Christmas shopping was being taken care of) with whatever inscription they needed. And then, they all began to tell a brief story of why the book had resonated with them. Stories of pain, grief, forgiveness, blessing and gratitude. He stood up from the table, hugged every one's neck and made them feel like he was there for them alone. Amazing.

I guess the thing I walked away with was a reminder that everyone has a story. One can not tell from our well protected and well decorated exteriors what is really going on in the heart. And then here and there, people find a safe place to share the burden or the blessing. I pray that I can be a safe place.

Just a Mom's thoughts on the current situation

2008-11-06T09:36:00.001-08:00

There is no way for me to blog about any other topics until I have reflected a little more about what has just happened in the US this week. Wow. I have been overcome with emotion in ways that are so similar to how I felt when Nelson Mandela was elected president of my country more than a decade ago.

I have taken some heat about my political leanings. But I have increasingly found more and more like minded believers. I was not going to post the following long diatribe on here because it seems self indulgent, but my husband suggested I should given that it is my blog and I can share my feelings on it whether readers agree or not.

So, here goes! Let me begin with this ground rule. This is a piece I wrote to a friend who asked me why I think the way I do - it is not meant for arguing against. I am not prepared to banter issues back and forth. I just won't do it. It is a window into my heart and head. And more than that we have all had enough politics to last a lifetime. I have waited until now to post this because I was hoping some of the fear driven emotional responses to the election would have settled down.

Let me tell you a little about where I am. This is so not a party political thing for me, because I think when forced to pick between two extremes, most of us wish we had a scissors and glue so we could construct something that is more of what we want. However, given what we have, I think my leanings are such because of how I would imagine Jesus feeling and thinking. Plus, I am a tax paying permanent resident, but not a citizen - so I don't get to vote anyhow ;-) And given my status in many ways I feel like a guest in this Country and so everything said below is said with respect.

Rarely when opinions are so different is the debate of issues helpful. For example in theology - one may disagree about worship or gender justice in the church, and argue the positions for years which seldom does any good. The usual reason is that one's way of interpreting scripture is different and so until that fundamental thing is aligned all the issue debating in the world will not help. Like wise with politics, I think the issues are just surface. It is more about how one sees the world, how one has been socialized etc.

Some important foundations for me are this:

1. I think when one is born and raised outside of the USA, one automatically has a different world view. Most of the foreigners I know in these parts, could never imagine themselves being Republican. I will not try to presume to understand why that is, because people from different countries have different world views, but there is a common “democratic” bent with them.

2. I do not believe that it is theologically responsible to think that God ever intended for their to be "Christian Nations." This immediately bumps up against much conservative christian right wing politics. I can not reconcile his call to us as aliens throughout scripture with the idea that we are to create some environment here that is conducive to Kingdom of God. I also know for a fact that Christianity thrives when it is not assumed or becomes the Constantinian religion of the time. I also do not believe America was ever intended by the founding fathers to be such. Instead of retyping this, I have cut and pasted an article below to support that idea. (Long article below, read it or not)

"For example, when John Adams was serving as our second President, the U.S. made a treaty with the Muslim country of Tripoli (now Libya). Article 11 of that treaty includes these words: “the government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.” Copies were distributed to the Legislature, and the treaty was read aloud on the floor of the U.S. Senate. In June of 1797, the Senate ratified the treaty by unanimous vote, and President Adams signed it into law. In his book, Jews, Turks, and Infidels, historian Morton Borden writes, “What is significant about the Tripoli treaty is . . . its ready acceptance by the government. Not a word of protest was raised . . . Whatever their personal feelings on the question of religious equality for non-Christians in particular states, all concurred that Article 11 comported with the principles of the Constitution.” Following its ratification, the text of the treaty appeared in several leading newspapers of the day. The public’s reaction was hardly a ripple. Why? Because the citizens of our new nation then understood something that threatens to become for us a forgotten truth: according to our Constitution, the United States of America was intended to be a federal republic where people can believe anything they like. Only the rule of law, rooted in self-evident morality, would be enforced. Religious beliefs, provided that they did not lead to the violation of law, could be advocated, criticized or ignored. Either way, all of them would be tolerated. For example, in his Notes on the State of Virginia, written in the early 1780s, Thomas Jefferson includes a short chapter on “Religion.” Regarding various religious beliefs, Jefferson observes: “[I]t does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.” One might think his neighbor’s religious ideas are nonsense. But what is the effect of attempting to coerce people to accept what you “know” is the truth? Said Jefferson, it makes “one half of the world fools, and other half hypocrites.” Paradoxically, because the First Amendment to our Constitution prohibited the establishment of a national church, and any form of coercion, religion in the United States flourished. In those early years, devout Americans came to realize that they would have to do by persuasion what other countries had pretended to do by legislation.And persuade they did. But not because they were somehow compelled by their Uncle Sam, but because they felt called by their Father God. As a result, the United States certainly is, in that sense, a Christian nation. In 1819, James Madison, commonly regarded as the father of the Constitution, observed that the religious devotion of the American people had been encouraged by what he called “the total separation of the church and state.” I believe that when it comes to the political state and the church of God, Christians should remember what the Founding Fathers certainly knew: the first axiom of real religion is that it resonates in the heart. It cannot be coerced. Furthermore, according to the Scriptures, the responsibility of training children does not belong to some “Christian nation” and its public schools commissioned to make all students sufficiently “religious” through state-mandated, teacher-led prayer and Bible reading. The responsibility for training children belongs to parents. To the Israelite nation, Moses said, “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7 NIV). At present, even in the midst of a real or imagined “godless assault,” Christians in the United States face much less hostility and oppression than did the earliest Christians. And yet, at least some of them went everywhere preaching the Word, serving others, setting an example, bringing up their children in the instruction that comes from heaven. Who would argue that under our present laws in these United States, Christians are not free to do the same? God has not been silenced. In these last days, he speaks clearly “by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe” (Hebrews 1:2).

3. I am amazed at how Christians remain shocked at how dark society is. Much of right wing Christianized politics appears surprised at the worldliness in which we live. It makes me scratch my head because I want to yell, “what do you expect outside of Jesus?” Instead of being bothered by Hollywood etc, make your corner of the world an outpost of the Kingdom. The fear driven political agenda of right wing Christianity is unattractive to me on every level. And thus I struggle with the kind of thing that Focus on the Family is always trying to push.

4. Given all of that, I find myself looking at positions on:
the migrants
the aliens
the poor
globalization
international coercion
the elderly
health care
the environment
war
leverage of resources in order to force compliance from other countries
.....and imagining Jesus.
He always, without a doubt came down on the side of compassion.

5. With regards to abortion. The water gets muddy because instead of abortion being a moral issue it is now a political one. Thus we are left having to navigate lots of political issues that are wrapped up with abortion. Add to this the ridiculous dichotomy of names we have given the positions AS IF anyone is not really pro-life. Perhaps we should talk in terms of pro-choice and anti-choice. And more times than not the conservative position on the issue seems to be inconsistent to me. I am not in favor of babies being killed, but neither am I a fan of children, teens, young adults or adults being killed. IF ONE IS TO BE PRO LIFE I THINK IT IS IMPERATIVE TO BE PRO LIFE AFTER THE WOMB TOO. Once a baby is born into our world, how pro life are we in making sure that baby has every tool it needs to grow up into a healthy, productive citizen? How do we act pro life in terms of access to resources, health care, education, war......Politics will never cure this issue. Law does not change this kind of thing. Sodomy is outlawed in Texas but it has not prevented homosexual sex. No candidate will ever. No government will. Only living in ways that are Kingdom oriented will. As Christians, if we were standing outside the abortion clinics begging for the unwanted children to be given to us, that would make a difference.

6. I feel passionate about not just leaping to the aid of countries that are rich in resources that the US needs. How is it that we get entangled in issues under the guise of “setting free” “democracy” or even “human rights” but usually those countries are rich in what we need. And thus, The Sudan, Uganda, much of Asia etc go on with horrendous genocide and human rights abuses. Generally it is because they offer us nothing to boost the $.

7. I am also in the midst of a journey toward greater pacifism. I am not a complete pacifist because there are still inconsistencies in my mind. However, I know that I am not a war supporter either, especially under the circumstances of Iraq.

8. I get concerned about the conservative "anti gay rights" movement. I do not understand how allowing gay people in a monogamous relationship to get married threatens the status of my marriage. Heterosexual deviants, heterosexual addicts, heterosexual adulterers in marriages do not threaten the sanctity of my marriage. Once again I think this is a moral issue not a political one. Do we think that God in some way can not distinguish between a marriage that He sets forth in scripture and one that may violate that? Of course he can and does not need us to protect Him from that. And with regards to gay rights, until we are willing to take away the rights of the greedy, the slanderers, the adulterous, the incestuous, those addicted to pornography, the liars, the money hungry, the power manipulators etc, I am not willing to deny rights to gay people. Sin is sin - and I can not make one worse than another.

9. I am not railing against capitalism or wanting communism, but I feel like "sharing" is a closer pattern to how I would imagine Jesus instructing us to live together. That is scary for some Americans because anything socialistic in nature conjures up fear from the US/Russia struggle, I understand.

10. And then finally, I look back at how I believe President Bush has mishandled his presidency and have no desire for that again. I believe the war was pre-emptive, motivated by other issues. I believe he acted in a lone-ranger way ignoring global wisdom. A personal agenda, with a lot of arrogance mixed in won out in that decision.

And so like you in ministry and a disciple of Jesus - we make our decisions. And as far as I can see I believe the life of Jesus lines up more closely with the whole package of Obama - another next to me, tries to line up their views with Jesus and sides with McCain. Complicated does not begin to describe this. Bottom line, Jesus is the only hope - not candidates or parties. And so, when making a personal choice, I can not base it on one or two issues that I do not think are political ones to begin with.

The process of processing

2008-10-21T07:11:00.001-07:00

Many have asked me to share thoughts from the renewal I just got back from. I am struggling to find words that both capture the significance of what God did while keeping confidences. So, I have decided to just share some highlights.

1.Each evening we gather in prayer clusters as part of the CbW schedule. Your prayer cluster works like a small group. You remain together the entire week and although most of the time is not spent in that group, some really powerful things happen in the group. There was not a cluster that did not have God's fingerprints all over it. People were grouped so well together in ways we could never have planned. Peer ministry took place. Connection developed quickly, confession and affirmation flowed openly. God bound people to each other in significant ways.

2.Each participant gets a one hour prayer time with a team member. One of my favorite times of the week. Each of the women that I got to pray with and there were 5 were AMAZING! As we shared our hearts and lifted our desires in ministry, family, discipleship to the Lord He made His very presence crystal clear to us as literally formed and framed the words that were spoken.

3.During the equipping blocks each day we worked out of Psalm 103. It was inspiring to see how the thoughts of this Psalmist moved the women to reflect in their silence and solitude time and the other reflection exercises.

4.I feel so blessed to have added a group of incredible women to my treasure chest of friends. God is good.

Keep praying for this ministry as our trips to Australia in May and Papua New Guinnea in June will sneak up on us quickly.

Renewal

2008-10-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

I am getting ready to leave town on Saturday as part of a team of women who will be hosting a Come before Winter renewal in Whitney, TX. Please pray for us as we host this event.

Pray that the amazing unity of our team will be a witness to all attending.
Pray that the participants will be able to really give themselves this week to just be with the Lord.
Pray that the obstacles of life will not interfere with the work that God is going to do.
Join me in thanking God for this incredible ministry.
Pray especially for this renewal because it is a pilot renewal - our work is usually done on the mission field, this is the first renewal to be offered on US soil.

If you want to know more about what we do, check out the website:
http://www.comebeforewinter.org/

Update: If you look at the site, you will not see me listed as a team member, because that portion of the site has not been updated.

See you in cyberspace after Oct. 12th.

The Power of Words

2008-09-23T10:42:00.001-07:00

Today I had a leisurely morning coffee visit with a good friend. We always laugh a lot but enjoy talking about the serious stuff also. She often chuckles at the way I say things or my choice of words, teasing me that I phrase things like one would expect to read in a clinical report. I am not exactly sure about that, but she is not the only friend who likes to tease me about my "phrase-ology" and that got me thinking about words.

I often hear the line, "you talk funny" or "ooh, where does your accent come from" which always tempts me to want to reply, the same place the rest of my being comes from. But, I resist, and say South Africa politely. "Huh" is what I usually hear after that. Then I explain that we are English speaking South Africans who sounded more British when we arrived in Texas 17 years ago, but now we sound more Australian/New Zealand-ish thanks to the Texas Twang. But, it is not that kind of thing that I am thinking about.

Words have power and we all know that. We have experienced the blessing of good words spoken over us and about us. We have also experienced the devastation of harsh words. One of my favorite things about Mike Cope as a preacher is that he uses words with precision and care. One well picked word can replace a sentence. While I worked for Jack Reese, I would marvel at his love of language and word usage. I think I finally get it. One of my good friends, Adam Gray, is often "accused" of using language that is hard to decipher because it is heart language and not "tell it like it is, git-r-done" kinda talk. I love talking to Adam, because the words make me reach and stretch to see if I am really tracking with him. I always walk away more alive because he challenges me.

Rich words spoken over coffee renew a friendship. Authentic, loving, respectful words spoken in a marriage bring depth and growth. Prayer that is sprinkled with a language of praise and adoration brings us into worship like no other. Song lyrics that are deep and true resonate with our spirits. Words from scripture, made alive in the person of Christ equip us and fill us to live out the mission of God in the world. Words whispered by the Holy Spirit move us.

One can not ignore words. They are everywhere, calling us to consumerism, tempting us to dull our witness to Christ, offering us false hope, promising things that this world can not deliver.
And so, I am more convinced than ever that choosing to fill our lives with words that have real significant meaning can change us.

Conversations from Colorado

2008-09-15T19:09:00.000-07:00

We just spent the past weekend at Glen Eyrie, the Navigators beautiful site in Colorado Springs. We were there to attend a Marriage Retreat. The last time I visited this gorgeous retreat center was back in 1994 for a Marriage Getaway put on by the ministry of the Navigators. It truly is a glorious place.

David and I spent hours in conversation and that is just for us. However, two other conversations have been rattling around in my mind and seem blog worthy.

1. Brian McLaren was at Glen Eyrie doing another conference, but I got to have a short insightful conversation with him. He has spent a lot of time recently working with church leaders in South Africa and has a unique perspective of what God is doing there. We feel out of touch with the larger picture of Kingdom and how it is impacting life there. I was able to ask him to give me his perspective of what is happening. It was hopeful and encouraging. From the very source of past atrocities and apartheid new life is coming and Jesus is being lived out in ways that are fresh and unexpected. I shared my concern about the violence being directed toward immigrants from other African countries and how that does not fit the Ubuntu theology of Bishop Tutu and other important African voices. He acknowledged the tension of ideology versus practice, but framed it with such clear understanding of the situation. Bottom line he said is that when people feel their wealth is being threatened they will turn on whomever. Bingo!

Herein lies the real issue. One would think that a people who have seen the hardship of being marginalized, the struggle of poverty and the pain of powerlessness would have such deep compassion for the stranger among them, that they would pull together to ensure greater equality for all. However, the newly empowered, the nouveau riche and rising middle class instead are closing ranks to protect their new status at the expense of the refugee.

It made me wonder about the power of our stuff.

2. The second conversation was one about marriage, that the lead organizer of the retreat shared. From the writings of Gary Thomas and others, he reminded us that marriage is more about making us holy than happy. While that is not a new concept it is a beautiful one. It transcends emotion and feeling, but does not minimize it. It speaks to the deeply shaping experience of knowing oneself better in community. It calls us to see our marriage as a tool in the kingdom. Not for one minute was he encouraging us to live out loveless, passionless marriages - just the opposite in fact. He was calling us to the highest possible view of marriage.

It made me wonder about the power of real love.

Give Me Your Eyes

2008-09-10T14:40:00.000-07:00

I have really been taken with a song that I am hearing on k-love. It is Brandon Heath's, Give Me Your Eyes. The lyrics are so compelling. I pray that God gives me the love for humanity like the words of this song call me to.

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere, Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what's underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wifeHe's out of work
He's buying time
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared?

I've Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all along

How Blogging Has Changed Me

2008-09-08T19:31:00.001-07:00

Jim Martin tagged me in his last post and made me think about blogging and how it impacts us.

1.Blogging has become a regular part of my spiritual practice. Both the writing of my own blog and reading of other blogs serves to challenge me, teach me, shape me, and draw me closer to God.

2.Blogging has opened up a world of new relationships - some readers I know and have existing relationships with yet others are blog-world friends.

3.Blogging helps orient my thinking. I am able to better process my thoughts through writing and reading comments.

4.In addition to physical community that I value highly, I love the community that develops in the blog-world that allows us to see how believers of all stripes are expanding the kingdom.

5.Blogging has allowed me the joy of "virtually" sitting at the feet of great thinkers on a daily basis. How else does one get to engage in the thoughts of Mike Cope, Jim Martin, Frank Belizzi etc with such regularity.

And now I would like to tag a few friends...

Frank Belizzi
Jim Leasure
Kinney Mabry
Angie Bruce

The rules to this tag are as follows:
1. Write about 5 specific ways blogging has affected you, either positively or negatively.
2. link back to the person who tagged you - A Place For the God-Hungry (Jim Martin)
3. link back to this parent post - Seedlings in Stone
4. tag a few friends or five, or none at all
5. post these rules— or just have fun breaking them

Inspired

2008-09-02T05:58:00.000-07:00

Often on this blog I recommend that people listen to a sermon that Dan has preached on the previous Sunday, and this is no exception. Go to www.amarillocentral.org and you can download it. He concluded a summer series on prayer based very loosely on Philip Yancy's book called Prayer. Part of what was so striking for me personally is that I had spent the entire weekend talking to a good friend about the process of going through the desert and how we live as Kingdom people while in the dry places. The Holy Spirit was faithful to take those conversations and then allow God to speak a word into that situation through Dan on Sunday. Amazing.

But, in addition to that as a hearer this sermon was brilliantly constructed. Genius really. There were layers and layers. The basic message and then underlying thoughts that you could take hold of and chew on for days. I am chewing.

I wanted to share a few of the thoughts that I am contemplating since hearing this message.

1.The spiritual desert is the reality of our faith journey. Moses, Abraham, Nehemiah, Jeremiah, Isaiah, David, Jesus - they had them. Times in the desert where faith and obedience are hard. St. John of the Cross wrote Dark Night of the Soul from the desert. Theresa of Avila, Mother Theresa, Bonhoeffer - all of those inspirations from our history had their faith formed and reformed by walking through the desert.

2.God does not wait to do his work in us while we are on the Mountaintop. Some of His best work is done in the desert.

3.Our responses to God can not depend on the emotion we feel toward Him.

4.And thus, a life lived out of solid engagement with the spiritual practices will be what sustains us. Praying when we don't feel like it. Sitting with God waiting when we would rather be taking action. Listening instead of speaking.

5.Control has to be surrendered to live like this. Courage and risk are required to allow God to work in us during these times knowing that the process and not the end result is really the prize.

6.Living out the tension of doubt and faith, fear and hope, pain and joy, exhaustion and renewal, surrender and empowerment is where we spend the majority of our lives if we are serious about discipleship.

And so I can sing with new and renewed courage, "when the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say Blessed Be The Name of the Lord."

Christians Engaging Politics

2008-08-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

I realize I am treading on sensitive ground here - given I am not a citizen and my Mom raised me to never bring up politics as dinnertime conversation. Well, I don't usually bring it up but if I'm asked I share my opinion which often collides with most mainstream Christians. But this is not about that really.

My husband David suggested I read an article in the new Relevant magazine titled, "In the Booth, not of the Booth." It is an incredible read and will provide more than enough for you to contemplate this political season.

Adam Smith writes, "For those seeking to embody Christ, the choice can be especially difficult. On one side of the equation is a candidate who seems to offer hope for peace and ease for poverty, yet supports abortion. On the other is a candidate who champions the rights of the unborn, yet seeks to continue the war in Iraq. Can a Christian truly throw unflagging support behind either candidate?" Smith continues to quote Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw authors for Jesus for President. Claiborne says "I think a healthy suspicion about putting all our hope in one day, one vote, or one candidate or party. Haw agrees, "we're trying to help people think as Christians, and that takes a rugged revisitation of the whole biblical story to be able to think as a Christian and requires us to have Christian historical memory and imagination." Adam Smith writes, "Haw adds that the idea of nationalism is often theologically unsound. He says that being born again should mean, from a theological standpoint, that Christians have a new and different citizenship. Theologically, born again didn't just mean that you have a spiritual attitude to your life. It literally meant that you're joining into this people of Abraham that are a holy nation set apart. There seems to be evidence all over the Bible that this is a very concrete people. You're latching yourself onto this other nation. Now when you use the word we or our, your identity is connected to a different group of people, a diasporic people. That's not just linguistic gymnastics. Its biblical realism. Without that our nationalism is misguided."

I find this so rich and challenging.

When the well is dry

2008-08-13T07:15:00.001-07:00

After being a part of a group that spent some sacred time discerning together this week, I have been struck by several thoughts. One of which I need to explore some more.

When you are spiritually tired, exhausted, done - what betrays that?

Is your rhythm of spiritual practices off kilter?
Or, out of habit do you continue in the practices of spirituality regardless?
Are your attitudes ambivalent maybe even cynical?
Do you get aggressive? Passive?
Is your time spent with the busyness of doing God-work so you don't have to just be with him?
What about family, does that change?
Do you embrace silence in order to self reflect?
Do you crank up the noise of life in order to avoid reflection?

What do you think?

Psalm 103

2008-08-10T16:10:00.000-07:00

I have spent the last few days unpacking this Psalm as part of the retreat I was on. Take a moment and read it.

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed
He made known his ways to Moses,
his acts to the people of Israel.
The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children’s children,
to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments.
The LORD has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.
Bless the LORD, O you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his word,
obeying the voice of his word!
Bless the LORD, all his hosts,
his ministers, who do his will!
Bless the LORD, all his works,
in all places of his dominion.
Bless the LORD, O my soul!

In your reading what strikes you most?
Is it the nature of God, the nature of humanity, covenant, sovereignty, redemption?

Shameless Plug..or Sharing an Opportunity

2008-08-06T16:04:00.000-07:00

Many of you know that I was part of a Come before Winter team that travelled to Canada in March to host a renewal retreat for women in ministry on the field. Come before Winter have been hosting these renewals all over the world since 2000 and have served missionaries around the globe in ways they have never been served before.

When I returned from that trip I was so impacted that I said more than one time that I have found what I want to do with my life. It is an incredible experience. I feel very blessed to be travelling with them to do the first Stateside renewal in October. Then in May I will join a team and go to Australia to host a renewal and in June to Papua New Guinea.

As team members we raise our money to go on these trips and to cover the cost of participants. Those who are invited to attend are asked to pay their own way to the site and then the balance of the week is provided as a gift of love to honor them. Because I have three consecutive renewals lined up I am needing to raise around $11000 - yes, you read that correctly...Eleven thousand dollars. I have sent out fund raising packets and feel like God will bless this. However, I wanted to put it on my blog in case any of you readers feel God calling you to partner with me in this ministry.

You can check out the ministry at www.comebeforewinter.org
If you would like to donate toward these three renewals you can mail a check to:
Come before Winter, Inc.
P.O. Box 203381
Austin, TX 78720

You can mark it for Arlene Kasselman's fundraising. You can also make donations on credit card.
Phone inquiries: (512) 918-2717

Please share this with anyone you think may have a heart for renewal of women in ministry, minister's wives, elders wives etc.

Thank you for reading this far and indulging me.

Micah 6:8

2008-07-22T11:37:00.000-07:00

"What does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." These words are painted around the molding in my dining room. These are rich words. Ones that require action, response and life change.

For many Christians the ideas held within this short verse are quite foreign. The love of comforts and material possessions coupled with the distaste for inconvenience and sacrifice, all swimming in the water of accomplishment and achievement seem to distract us.

And as Adele Calhoun writes in the Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, "we never outgrow the need for prophets who remind us of the great requirements." Eugene Peterson suggests that faith that doesn't serve justice can end up making us worse instead of better. Think about that.

So how does Micah speak to us where we live right now? Not all of us are going to Africa to work among the Invisible Children, or to Asia to free child slaves. Few of us are in the Peace Corp or doing full time mission work. Yet the words of God still ring true and call us to live in such a way that we are incarnational expressions of faith. What about in your own downtown, with the single parents in your own churches, the shelters, the homeless on your streets. What about the relief agencies that you can support?

How does concern for justice fit with your faith?

Yancy on Prayer

2008-07-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

During the summer our Sunday am Bible class is taking a break from our Matthew series and we are going through Phillip Yancy's book Prayer. I have chapters 9 & 10 to teach this Sunday. There is too much to cover in one week and so many rabbits to chase... Yancy writes every paragraph with layers and layers of meaning to apply and contemplate.

After reading the two chapters over and over, I have decided that instead of actually teaching all the content, I am going to discuss 4 central ideas that hit me from what he said.

Tell me what you think.

1. The inner voice of prayer expresses itself naturally in action, just as the inner voice of the brain guides all bodily actions.

2.While we will not all find ourselves in the kind of dramatic circumstances that faced Bonhoeffer in Germany or Tutu in South Africa, we all in our own way will feel the tension between prayer and activism, between action and contemplation.

3.We want a God we can count on yet an attentive God whom we can affect.

4. By using prayer rather than other, more direct means, God once again chooses the most freedom-enhancing style of acting in the world. God waits to be asked, in some inscrutable way making God's activity on earth contingent upon us.

This is enough to keep us talking for a year, why do I think one Sunday is going to do it justice?

So This I Know To Be True 2

2008-06-24T07:15:00.000-07:00

I have blogged about friendship before, extensively I think. However, over the last few weeks or so I have had some relational experiences myself and watched a friend or two struggle through theirs. I had lost contact with a heart friend from childhood who I recently found via email and it has been such a joy catching up. I have also just this week "reconnected-still" as they put it, with a friend from not so long ago and it has been life giving to me. It has made me think about what really matters in friendship, in intimate community and in walking together as disciples. God has blessed me with friendships that I treasure.

1. Friendships that matter and stand the tests of life take time, investment, courage and truth.
2. Without truth, nothing grows.
3. Parting really is such sweet sorrow.
4. Unverbalized expectations leave everyone involved angry.
5. If we live out relationships with a sense of expectancy instead of expectation we are all blessed.
6. Going to the hard places to allow light to illuminate all the dark places is priceless.
7. Trust and confidentiality are essential and such an honor!
8. With vulnerability comes depth and friendship becomes something sacred.
9. Intimacy, connectivity and relational chemistry is rare but when experienced incredible.
10.Fun is not overrated.
11.This is what God intended.

5 Silly Summer Facts

2008-06-24T06:26:00.000-07:00

A really special friend emailed me this tag message for 5 Silly Summer Facts, so here goes.

1. Favorite Summer Drink: either Mango tea at WaterStill (a local incredible water place) or a Vitamin Water.

2. Favorite Summer Color: White, Green, Pink

3. Favorite Summer Vacation: Beach

4. Favorite Summer Memory: Christmas, I grew up in South Africa...December is summer.

5.Favorite Summer Meal: Anything on the grill, potato salad, beans, corn on the cob, bread, fruit - yummo!

Now its your turn.......add your favorites.

On A More Serious Note...

2008-06-18T11:37:00.001-07:00

It has cracked me up that ever since I promised to write something funny I have had an absolute block. Nothing. Which goes to prove the point of the previous post....:-)

For those of you who know me, you already realize that this has led to hours of self reflection. Several months ago I was in a discussion with some friends that revealed things about myself that I did not know to be true. I have always viewed myself as a funny person. I am extroverted and usually a little inappropriate. I love people and laugh a lot. The logical conclusion in my head was that others would describe me as a fun person. However, I was asked to speak at an event and the organizer was a little concerned that I would not understand the light-hearted vibe of the evening. She was hesitant because I tend to be "heavy." Hmmmm...
I was really shocked by it and so was retelling the story to one of my elders over lunch one day and he cracked a huge smile. That led to more conversation in which he said that he would describe me as "intense." Now factor in the teasing over the snooze inducing blog post and my friend Jennifer telling me that I "ask questions with vigor" and you can see the self analysis crisis that is beginning to brew in my head.

How do people see me? Am I not fun? Am I too intense? Do I scare people? Do I drain them? Yikes.....I started thinking about my friends and the kind of people I am easily drawn to and yep, they tend to be the intense ones too. I started thinking about my favorite conversations and yep, they are the intense ones. I thought about the favorites parts of marriage, and yep one of them is the time we spend discussing the intense stuff. It seems to make sense that given the choice between hanging out with friends talking versus playing a card game, I will picking talking every time. It helps make sense of the fact that spending 2 hours in a movie theatre as a date holds little appeal to me versus conversation or something more engaging relationally. It makes sense that my favorite genre of TV is reality because I am so intrigued by the way the people behave and I can interact with it. It makes sense that being back in school has been my sanity because I can be as bookish or geeky as I need to be and it makes complete sense given the context.

And so I proudly declare today that I am fully embracing my intense self and am mourning the fictional version of myself that I thought was true. Seriously.

Snoozer Alert!

2008-05-31T12:50:00.000-07:00

I was lovingly mocked today as a friend essentially told me that my blog has been a little too heavy and "snooze enducing" recently. In a follow up conversation one of the other friends, said it was okay because I am passionate about....EVERYTHING! Ha - I love it.

So, all I'm saying is I will try to lighten up for a day or two. Maybe.

Morality and the like

2008-05-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

I have been engaged in a great conversation recently with a friend from long ago who holds some beliefs different to mine. One of the points of discussion is this:

Where does morality come from? Is it from God or is it an inner locale? Think about all those who claim Christ yet abuse their children or spouse. Think about all those who claim Christ and are being unfaithful in their marriage. Cheating. Lying. Stealing. Gossiping... But also think about all those who are actively choosing to live lives that testify to the cross. What about those who do not claim Christ that are risking their lives to serve humanity all over the planet. Think about those who do not claim Christ yet are great parents and partners. But also think about those who do not claim Christ and are living lives wrapped up in selfishness and sinfulness.

2 things:
Where does morality come from?
If I claim Christ does that equip, motivate, shape me to live in truer, more authentic, holy ways?

South Africa, Ubuntu Theology, Tutu and Mandela

2008-05-24T09:09:00.001-07:00

Many of you know that I am South African. Africa has a way of never letting one go. Talk to anyone who has been there. It almost haunts your soul - it is alive, eclectic, colorful, dramatic, hopeful and yet also devastated in some ways. Above all it is my home. What else matters, really? It is not uncommon for the average citizen of the world to look at Africa's politics and laugh - known for bribery, dictators and confusion it could be easy to miss something. South Africa has the fingerprints of Bishop Desmond Tutu all over it. It has the shadow of Nelson Mandela falling all around it. Can you imagine. Two of the great statesmen of the world. Nothing swells my heart quite so much as being able to talk with pride about the influence of two such leaders. Yet...

I am troubled right now. Violence has long been a part of life there. Yet, so has a wonderful life style. Political tension is just always at a simmer. Yet, so has been some of the most incredible reconciliation ever known to humanity. Poverty is around every corner. Yet, so is unbelievable wealth. People are dying of aids and other more preventable disease. Yet, research that is changing the world is also pouring out of South Africa. Some go hungry. Others enjoy some of the best culinary experiences on the planet. Contrasts. Disequilibrium. Hope and Fear coexist on a daily basis. I am most troubled currently by the attacks on immigrants that are pouring into South Africa from other troubled African countries. The random Zimbabwean street vendor that is trying to make a living is the new target. Refugees or immigrants seeking a better life have always been high risk, but this xenophobia has reached such epic proportions in South Africa that it is getting international attention.

And in my idealistic little world it should be different there. What about Ubuntu? This is a country that claims Ubuntu theolgoy. In trying to define Ubuntu, Bishop Desmond Tutu has said, “A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed.” It has roots in an old Zulu maxim “umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu” – a person is a person through other persons. In the African context it speaks to the idea that the person one is to become through divine design happens by behaving among others in worthy and respectful ways. Those who uphold these principles will in death also achieve unity with those still living. There is an inextricable bond between humanity, ancestors and the Supreme Being. Inseparable as Christianity and Ubuntu are it is impossible to miss how African ancestral influences and Eastern mysticism have shaped his theology.

At its very basic level, this African belief articulates a respect and compassion for others. It is both descriptive (being in community with others) and prescriptive (how to be in community with others). The term Ubuntu then functions as both a factual description and a rule of conduct or social ethic. It becomes very apparent that this theology sees community as an essential aspect to personhood. Grounded in the deep sense of community that is intrinsic to African life this is no surprise. Tutu is quoted as saying, “we can be human only in community, in koinonia, in peace.” He shows that human beings are defined not by their race but by their createdness in God’s own image. It is this that brings value and dignity to all people. Some have even used the word “humanness” to define Ubuntu. This is accurate but very different from what one may understand as Western Humanism. Where Humanism will deny or underestimate the importance of the “religious”, Ubuntu is wholly dependent on it. The spiritual can not be separated in life or death in the African experience.

As a social, political and religious ethic, consensus plays a central role in Ubuntu. Traditional African democracy is a system far different to Western Democracy. It often ignores Majority Rule in favor of the pursuit of reconciliation and consensus. It usually takes the form of lengthy discussions and meetings. Hours and hours of talking between community leaders is a prerequisite. Every person gets an equal chance to talk until some kind of agreement or consensus is reached. Western intervention to bring resolution to various issues in Africa has often disrupted this organic process and the results have been disastrous. The African term “simunye” translated as “we are one” or “unity is strength” can be found in the media, literature, and the common vernacular. While Bishop Tutu has frequently spoken out against the tyrannical rule and dictatorship of some African countries, it must be noted that within the framework of “consensus above all”, people can become exploited in order to enforce group solidarity. While Ubuntu seeks to always elevate human dignity, it has a potentially dark side in terms of its demands for conformity and loyalty to the group. I think understanding this gives the observer greater insight into the often misgoverned and mismanaged countries of the African continent.
In his role in the rebuilding of post-Apartheid South Africa, Bishop Tutu has modeled a version of Ubuntu that has authentic respect for human dignity and honest appreciation for diversity and difference. He is credited with giving the new South Africa the name “The Rainbow Nation.” Behind this term is the belief that individuals in their distinctiveness are regarded firstly because they reflect the image of the creator and secondly because dignifying humanity is essential for peace and thus when all the diverse peoples and their gifts come to the table, a rainbow is created. There can be harmony while respecting diversity.

If consensus is so paramount it may make one wonder how to reconcile this spirit with the very real violence that still plagues South Africa. I do not think Ubuntu will explain away all struggles. However, I think if one considers the unique manner in which South Africa transitioned from a country of Apartheid to multi-party democracy it is evident that something more than smart politics was at play. The emergence of solidarity and an ethos of reconciliation in the midst of the transition led to cohesive values in a country previously defined as splintered at best. Crime or violence aside, it is not hard to see examples of the spirit of consensus and mutual care as one studies how African families care for one another, how the poor are cared for by the poor, how older generations take seriously the teaching of younger generations.

Notwithstanding his previous accomplishments, it is in the very emerging of a new South Africa that Bishop Tutu’s impact has been most felt. Out of Ubuntu theology he held out the goal of consensus and reconciliation in order for the people of South Africa to heal and be more fully human. As Chairman of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission he convened the Commission into three sub categories in order to provide a traveling forum for people to tell their stories of human rights abuses during the Apartheid years. The commission’s intention above all was to grant amnesty for crimes perpetrated based on political actions during that time. Bishop Tutu did not want a war tribunal, but a forum for healing. In an article entitled, “Why to Forgive” he says, “forgiveness is not turning a blind eye to wrongs; true reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the pain, the hurt, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end only an honest confrontation with reality can bring healing.” Stories were told of secret acts done by both the Apartheid government and liberation forces that resulted in abuses. No one was exempt. After a three year period, hundreds had been given amnesty, thousands of people had the opportunity to be heard, many families of victims and perpetrators forgave each other and a report was prepared. The extensive document was presented to the Government and in its final recommendations made motions for national apologies by previous Heads of State, for Memorials to victims, and very significantly and most human, for opportunities for history and the stories to be retold. In the midst of a very institutional structure, Bishop Tutu managed the process with heart and the human touch right up until the concluding pages of the Commission Report. In an interview about the process of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, Bishop Tutu is quoted as saying,
“I have come to realize the extraordinary capacity for evil that all of us have, because we have now heard the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, and there have been revelations of horrendous atrocities that people have committed. Any and every one of us could have perpetrated those atrocities. The people who were perpetrators of the most gruesome things didn't have horns, didn't have tails. They were ordinary human beings like you and me. That's the one thing. Devastating! But the other, more exhilarating than anything that I have ever experienced -- and something I hadn't expected -- to discover that we have an extraordinary capacity for good. People who suffered untold misery, people who should have been riddled with bitterness, resentment and anger come to the Commission and exhibit an extraordinary magnanimity and nobility of spirit in their willingness to forgive, and to say, "Hah! Human beings actually are fundamentally good." Human beings are fundamentally good. The aberration, in fact, is the evil one, for God created us ultimately for God, for goodness, for laughter, for joy, for compassion, for caring.”

Nkosi Sikeleli-Afrika (God Bless Africa)!

What Does God Care About?

2008-05-21T12:25:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder what God cares about. Often I hear people praying and thanking God for being in every small detail. Other times I hear people speaking of God like he is a vending machine - the great dispenser of goods. I have friends who pray for "the peace and love of God to cover people and situations" instead of specific requests. My Mother prayed for parking spaces and got them most of the time. People struggle with trying to discern the will of God on jobs, moves, mates, money etc and only take steps once they think God has spoken. I, on the other hand am more inclined to think that God's will for us is to be increasingly more like Him and I do not spend too much time trying to discern if I should turn left or right.

I know this is a larger discussion than we can have via blog comments - it is shaped by how you see God...how you see the role of prayer....whether you are more contemplative than intercessory in your praying...discernment....providence - so many things.

What is your response?

Friendship

2008-05-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

My heart is turned to friendship currently. Sunday is the last day our current Worship Minister will lead worship and his family will move from Amarillo by the end of the month. His wife and I are super close and she is one of my closest friends ever. We are all thrilled for them because they are moving closer home and their precious girls can be closer to their grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. They are also going to a church where Steven can use his guitar gifts and lead instrumental worship. You know that feeling of being so happy for someone and just so sad because of the loss all at the same time.

And it has me reflecting on friendship. My friend Scott sent me an article to read, actually a chapter of a book, a few months ago. It was talking about the spiritual aspects of friendship and the way we befriend others. I am intrigued by relationships and feel most alive in the midst of intimate relationships. All that to say I have been pondering these thoughts for a while and they are finally coming together.

Tonight we had a time of blessing and goodbye for Steven and Ange and as we all sat around and spoke words of affirmation and love to them I was struck by how powerful times like that are. As our preacher Dan spoke to Steven, he said that "Steven had the ability to make the people around him better." Dan was specifically referring to the fact that he feels like a better preacher because of the kind of worship minister Steven is. That is a powerful affirmation.

Ange I will miss hanging out with you. I love you. We have shared so much. You crack me up. You challenge me. You make me feel normal (hee hee). You're an angel!

How does friendship make you a better person?

Deep Thoughts at Starbucks

2008-05-06T14:09:00.000-07:00

While having coffee at Starbucks today with my friend Matthew, he made a statement that resonated with me in such a powerful way that I wanted to share it. He said,

"while our culture is telling us to go and find ourselves, Christ calls us to lose ourselves in Him."

Think about that and really let it soak in.
What do you think?

The Life and Times of Michaela Kasselman

2008-04-30T17:21:00.000-07:00

No, I did not omit her middle name -- she does not have one. Nor do I.
May 1st 1996 I gave birth to Michaela. That makes her 12. Wow.

I thought I would tell you a little about her as a way of celebrating her life and the fact that I get to be her Mom. Wow again.

Michaela has a head of gorgeous dark brown wavy hair - it is just beautiful. It compliments her bright smile and lively eyes.
She has been blessed with a beautiful singing voice and enjoys being in choir at school and the Amarillo Youth Choir. She loves being on the junior praise team that leads worship for ABC Express (Kids church). Seeing her gifts used to the glory of God makes my heart feel so full.
She is smart, logical and analytical (yes, that is from her Dad).
She has great comedic timing for a child her age and routinely cracks us up.
She is a loyal and good friend. If you are her friend, you are her friend for life.
She struggles to get going in the morning, but manages to be on time for school everyday.
She is very comfortable with leaving her shoes next to her shoe rack instead of placing them on the rack, therein giving me something to remind her about.
With equal ease is the ability to accumulate random pieces of gum and candy in every purse she owns -- like a chipmunk storing things for the Winter.
Her clothes tend to gather around her chair in her room until the parentals suggest they get put up.
She is into no-fuss clothing. Shorts, T's, Jeans, hoodies, flip flops - she owns one skirt and 2 dresses.
She is a fun big sister to Spencer.

And some of her favorites are: Webkinz; Youtube; Drake and Josh; Wizards of Waverly Place; iCarly; The Books Pretties, Uglies etc; Harry Potter; American Idol especially DAVID COOK; Apples to Apples; Vitamin Water; Cinnamon Rolls; Becky's Cookies; Buffalo Wild Wings; Lettuce Wraps at Pei Wei; hanging out with friends; Ascension Academy; ACU Camps; Hidden Falls Camp; Music - lots of kinds; her phone; brownies; milk tart; poppyseed chicken -- oh lots of things.

Just a window into the world of my baby girl, oh, I mean 12 year old daughter.

The Message of the Gospel?

2008-04-21T11:27:00.000-07:00

It is not uncommon around church circles, for people to have various takes on "what is the gospel." We can all answer, Good News. But what does that mean? I believe, the gospel is this:
God, the creator, sent His son, Jesus, in the flesh to redeem humanity back to Himself through his death and resurrection in order for us to live in intimate community with Him.

I can nuance the phrases and add more meat to it, but bottom line, that is where I stand on the gospel. Incarnation. Redemption. Reconciliation.

But what about hope? You like me have heard the lessons and have taught them. So often I have thought "if only those people knew Christ, their life would be hopeful and fulfilled." Interesting. I am beginning to think that is not as true as I would like it to be. If knowing Christ brings fulfilled lives, then our churches would be full of people who would circle "fulfilled" on the great survey of life. And, the flip side is that non-believers would be desperate in their hopelessness and unfulfillment. Not exactly true. Take Oprah. She is intensely spiritual, not a Christian in my estimation, but a God lover for sure. Do you think she sees her life as hopeless and unfulfilled. What about Katie Couric, Diane Sawyer, Barbara Walters - none of them known Christians and none of them wailing in their own hopelessness or unfulfillment either. What about the guy across the road from me. Nice guy. Friendly. Kind. Non-Christian. Happy. Hopeful. Fulfilled.

Now it would be naive to believe this to be the case in every situation. The world is full of hopelessness and lack of fulfillment. But here is my point. I think if we are going to spread the good news about Christ, it needs to be about what life looks like with Christ. It needs to be about community, about serving something other than ourselves, about sacrifice, about joy and about the kind of hope that comes from Christ. We can not assume that all people who do not know Christ are unhappy, miserable, unfulfilled and hopeless. Many have dandy lives. Our job is to help them see that when our stories merge with the great story of God, something happens. Something bigger than ourselves, something transformational, something more than happiness.

You may agree or disagree. These are just my musings on a Monday morning. I just wonder if what we sometimes spread as good news, is underwhelming to people. If all we are promising is fulfillment and God as the ultimate vending machine, that may not be that attractive to a people who are already quite happy with life. However, if our good news calls them to something more in life, we may have some takers.

Thanks for the Input...paper completed....i've been tagged

2008-04-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

1. Thank you so much for the insights you shared on my last post. For those who commented and emailed I appreciate it all!!!

2. I am breathing a little easier today as my final two assignments for the semester are now out of my hands and I can check that off the to-do-list.

3. My friend Gena has tagged me. I will answer those questions below.

I have tagged several of you previously, so I am going to break the rules and just respond to being tagged but not tag anyone else...sorry Gena!

Here are 7 random facts about myself:

1. I am allergic to most dairy products and shellfish
2. I have ridden an ostrich, with help....
3.I am not an outdoorsy person...I am so afraid of bugs, grasshoppers especially, that it is no fun
4. I would buy a necklace over a pair of shoes any day
5. I believe that most of life is more tolerable with a cup of hot tea, British style, in one's hand
6. Just being close to the ocean lowers my anxiety level...my theory is that if you are born by the ocean you long for it in a deeply spiritual way
7. I love organizing things: drawers, cabinets, closets, projects, etc. It takes me to my happy place.

Blog Post 200! - Accountability groups

2008-04-09T06:35:00.001-07:00

I am finishing up a paper and would like a little feedback if any of you readers have a moment.
If you have been in an accountability group or spiritual formation group, what size do you prefer? 2 or 3 or even 4 people?
Have you used specific questions when meeting, like renovare's or some other resource?
Do you meet weekly?
How has/did this experience shape you more into the image of Christ?
What are the landmines?
If you have not been in one is this by choosing or circumstance?

If you do not comment usually, would you mind doing it this time. Or, if you are not registered on blogger, would you mind doing that and just dropping me a comment? Thank you.
I really appreciate this!!!!

King of Kings and Lord of Lords

2008-04-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

Someone is always telling you to go and listen to a sermon online and you may think about it and never do it, or you may think the suggestion is ludicrous to begin with.

However, indulge me. If you have 25 minutes or so go to amarillocentral.org and listen to Dan Bouchelle's sermon from today, April 6th. I think the title is "Take me to your leader." It may only be up there tomorrow, I am not sure. Either way do it.

During times like these when politics feels like it is going to choke the life out of us, Dan brings a word from God that is convicting, uplifting, prophetic and hard.

What are you listening to?

2008-03-27T12:59:00.000-07:00

Every now and again I like to hear what you are listening to. Some of my favorites currently are: (now that doesn't mean they are all current)

These Hard Times (Matchbox 20)
Billie Jean (David Cook)
Won't Go Home Without You (Maroon 5)
When You Look Me in the Eyes (Jonas Brothers...I know :-))
Feels like Tonight (Daughtry)
New Soul (Yael Naim)
Unwritten (Natasha Beddingfield)

anticipation...abundance...disorientation...reorientation

2008-03-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

I have tried to blog several times about my Come Before Winter renewal experience, and then about Easter, and The Shack, but I just don't have the words.
A friend asked me today about blogging about the Canada renewal and I said that I can't seem to find the words (which for those who know me, is funny, right). His response was spot on and I quote, "Transcendent events are hard to describe." That is it. Exactly. For all of the above.

I had such great expectations for our renewal and the women who would be attending. By the time they arrived at the site, I was almost beside myself. And God did the most amazing things. Life, truth, blessing, confession, sharing, laughing, love - it all happened in abundance. All expectations were shattered in amazing ways. Then when I arrived home, I realized that I did not have a way to share how I was feeling about the renewal. It felt so disorienting to have this experience that I could not translate into my regular life. Words just wouldn't do it justice. So, I think I have a treasure in my heart and in some strange way it seems most appropriate to leave it right there.

As for The Shack. Just go ahead and read it. You will be blown away and nothing I can write will make it more impactful. Now, do not think it is the final theological word on suffering or trinity - this is a novel. However, open yourself to the metaphor and allow God to speak to you and give you insights through it. What a blessing.

And then there is Easter. Reorientation. Nothing brings you back to center quite like the story of Jesus. Once again, a recurring theme here, my words are inadequate. Go to amarillocentral.org and listen to Dan's sermon from yesterday. God poured through him in incredible ways yesterday.
I am reminded of the hymn that says,
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell
The guilty pair, bowed down with care
God gave His Son to win
His erring child He reconciled
And pardoned from his sin
Could we with ink the ocean fil
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints' and angels' song

I am praying for more opportunities with Come Before Winter and feel like God has led me to a ministry where my gifts are well suited and where I can grow and stretch in new ways also. Seeing the impact on these women who will impact their husbands, their children, their churches, their ministries, their world. It is such an incredible blessing.

Canada

2008-03-05T16:34:00.000-08:00

I leave tomorrow for Canada to serve on a Come before Winter renewal. I can not believe it is here.
If you read this blog and think about it over the next 10 days please can I ask you to pray over this renewal retreat for us.
Pray for hearts that are open to receive.
Pray for a refreshing time for all who attend.
Pray for God to show up in ways that minister directly into the hearts of these women.
Pray for my family while I am gone and join me in giving thanks for a husband who cares so deeply about my ministry passion and calling, that he will do double duty in the parenting dept.

I am not taking my computer, eek...can I survive??? I will share this experience when I return.

This 'n That

2008-03-05T16:25:00.000-08:00

1. I have a post brewing on the book , The Shack. What an incredible read. I have been so moved and engaged by this book. Let me say it one more time, incredible!

2. Are conservative talk radio hosts really trying to get Republicans to vote for Hilary
in an attempt to set up the race to be Hilary/McCain because McCain has a better chance of winning against her than Obama.
Don't even get me started......

3. I feel so blessed to have spent time with good friends this week, kinda' getting my fill before I leave town for 10 days.....a warm fire and coffee with Cathy Burns, breakfast with Missy and Ange, Lunch and laughs with Allyson, lunch and sharing with Karen, extended coffee and heart conversation with Adam, lunch with Michelle, wedding talk with Bek, getting to hold Cassie's baby Matthew and see Mandie's delightfully alive eyes, laughing that Ange is now an old woman in old woman Jeans, finally giving Missy her birthday present 2 months late. Wow - I pinch myself and say is this my life.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

2008-02-22T12:20:00.000-08:00

22 years today. Wow. I can hardly get my mind around that.
So in the spirit of being married 22 years on the 22nd of 02 (Feb) let me list 22 reasons being married to David is just a celebration!

1.He's pretty cute....especially with that salt and pepper hair thing going
2.He's smart
3.And quirky enough that I feel like I have company
4.He is responsible
5.And always looking out for the best for the kids and I
6.He makes a mean cup of tea and we always have 10 o'clock tea at night
7.He enjoys an adventure
8.Loves to travel
9.He'll eat anything
10.But appreciates good food
11.And will watch Food Network with me
12.He does special things for me like putting candles around the bath, leaving me love notes under the pillow etc
13.He is a practical joker - can't count the number of plastic bugs that I have found in my bed
14.He is far from a giggler, but when we laughs it makes you laugh too
15.He is thoughtful
16.Faithful
17.Prayerful
18.Considerate
19.And has one of the highest work ethics of anyone I know
20.His integrity is beyond question
21.He is still on the journey and a life learner with the sole purpose of being more like Jesus
22.And you know what comes here - but to prevent blog spam I will omit the word!

Happy Birthday Spencer

2008-02-20T07:15:00.000-08:00

What a blessing Spencer has been to our lives! I can barely believe he is 7 today. He is a unique mix of tender heart and hilarious antics. He is crazy about Star Wars right now. He thinks his sister hung the moon. Frequently we find him hamming it up in front of the mirror.

An enemy of the cross

2008-02-11T11:22:00.000-08:00

I have just had the huge joy of spending the weekend at the pretreat for my Come before Winter trip to Canada in March. We spent time in worship, prayer and study. As we read Phillippians over and over again, I feel like the phrase "enemy of the cross" just kept resonating with me.

I think it is too easy for us to think of those who do not follow Christ as "enemies of the cross" but I don't think that is what Paul is getting at here. Read the letter again and ask questions of the text.

Is it perhaps a little more like this....
when we don't submit ourselves to the way of the cross;
when we don't get along;
when we are not prepared to empty ourselves of our rights for the sake of others;
when we are so wrapped up in the stuff of image, possessions or status...

then we are the enemy of the cross.

It has me thinking about living in such a way that my life is a witness to the cross not an enemy of it.

Distractions

2008-02-03T11:17:00.001-08:00

Today in worship our Worship Minister Steven, shared a little about how easily we get distracted. He chose to do this based on a situation that had happened just a few minutes earlier and was not part of his plan for the day. However, it tied in so well to the sermon that came later about hearing the small, still voice of God and choosing to obey and not be distracted, that I keep mulling it over.

I have always thought the real issue at play with Mary and Martha, was not the active versus contemplative personalities, but rather Martha's inability to focus on Jesus without the distraction of the preparations.

Distractions I believe, are perhaps the greatest hurdle to me spending quality time with God as regularly as He would like.

If......

2008-02-01T07:22:00.001-08:00

My blog friend Preacherman had a similar post to this on his blog this week. It made me think. I have changed it up a bit, so I invite your responses.

If you could change one thing about yourself what would that be? But because of all the jokers in my world, let me ask you not to include nose jobs, liposuction etc. I mean something real :-)

To be named or to self-claim?

2008-01-29T08:47:00.000-08:00

Dan preached another incredible sermon on Sunday. I am still mulling it over. You know the message is great when it keeps coming back and God speaks through it.
He preached from the Genesis texts covering the Tower of Babel and the Call of Abram. One may wonder where the connection point is. He did a great job of contrasting the people building the Tower of Babel, so eager to make a name for themselves, versus Abram who is promised a name and future by God.

Dan threw out some current scenarios where we are so busy making names for ourselves, building our towers, managing our images, our futures, our legacies, our financial security......
Something resonated with me in the deepest part of my heart. These are the questions that it is surfacing in me....
How am I living in such a way that I am concerned about building my tower?
Do I believe God? Not in God, just do I believe God?
In what ways is my language indicative of someone who is overly concerned about reputation, legacy, perception etc etc...
Is the promise and reality of being God's child enough or do I still need to secure my position?
Do earthly things give me identity?
Does the church exist as a tower of safety and ministry for its members or do we join God in His work in the world outside of our churches?

Thoughts?

Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places

2008-01-19T18:32:00.000-08:00

Eugene Peterson has a series of 5 books, 2 still unpublished and 3 done. One of which I have already blogged about, Eat This Book. Currently, I am reading Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places. Eugene Peterson has been a longtime favorite of mine. I remember being blown away by Working the Angles back in the early 90's. I still gain fresh insight into scripture from his translation of the Bible, The Message.

Hear this from the introduction.
"The two terms "spiritual" and "theology," keep good company with one another. "Theology" is the attention that we give to God, the effort we give to knowing God as revealed in the Holy Scriptures and in Jesus Christ. "Spiritual" is the insistence that everything that God reveals of himself and his works is capable of being lived by ordinary men and women in their homes and workplaces. "Spiritual" keeps "theology" from degenerating into merely thinking and talking and writing about God at a distance. "Theology" keeps "spiritual" from becoming merely thinking and talking and writing about the feelings and thoughts one has about God. The two words need each other, for we know how easy it is for us to let our study of God (theology) get separated from the way we live; we also know how easy it is to let our desires to live whole and satisfying lives (spiritual lives) get disconnected from who God actually is and the ways he works among us.
Spiritual theology is the attention we give to lived theology - prayed and lived, for if it is not prayed sooner or later it will not be lived from the inside out and in continuity with the Lord of life. Spiritual theology is the attention that we give to living what we know and believe about God. It is the thoughtful and obedient cultivation of life as worship on our knees before God the Father, of life as sacrifice on our feet following God the Son, and of life as love embracing and being embraced by the community of God the Spirit."

Wow, I wish we could hang out at Starbucks for a while and talk about this. Doesn't it make you want to read this book!

A Rule of Life

2008-01-18T09:42:00.000-08:00

One of the course requirements for the Christian Spiritual Formation class that I just took was to write a Rule of Life. I loved the assignment. It helped me formulate much of my thinking and really hold up a covenant to God about who I want to be for His glory.

More impactful than I ever would have dreamed, was the time we spent sharing these. Somehow real intimacy developed in a bland classroom with 30+ people sitting in a circle. Unreal. As each person took a turn in popcorn fashion to share their rule, they really shared their heart. Tears began to flow, ministry happened, connections were deepened. It was spectacular. One of our classmates, Chris Chappotin wrote and sang a song as his rule. Some read prose. Others had written prayers.

This is what I wrote.
DISCLAIMER - This is who I want to be...not who I am all the time.

My Rule of Life is based on my favorite quote by Henry Ward Beecher, “It is not well for a man to pray cream and live skim milk.” The underlying principle in how I practice my faith journey is fullness and abundance. As I reflect on the different areas that are significant to me, they are stacked like building blocks. Individually these are all great things, but when they flow out of an intimate relationship with God born out of communion and worship they become sacred.

I desire to be a fully formed disciple of Christ in Spiritual Disciplines.
In my relationship with God I acknowledge that He is already present and I invite him to invade my life and space everyday. That invitation is extended through me being available in prayer, meditation, silence and service. Daily prayer for me is comprised of several different types of prayer usually all in an ongoing conversational style: The centering prayer when I feel myself getting out of control; Lifting up prayer requests on behalf of people and situations; Praying a verse or phrase when it enters my mind. Even though I know I need to develop the contemplative side of my prayer life more, I have found taking time once a week for meditative, contemplative prayer fits the rhythm of my life better than trying to do it on a daily basis.

I desire to be a fully formed disciple of Christ in how I respond to the Spirit.
In my relationship with the Holy Spirit I acknowledge that my heart and my intellect are best led when I am actively communing with the Father. Out of a life connected to God I will seek to respond to the promptings of the Spirit that lead me to serve, pray for, seek out, surprise and encourage others.
Also out of a rich inner life, I acknowledge that the Holy Spirit can change my heart, my will, my desires and the fruit that my life produces. Instead of trying harder, relying on will power or even Spiritual Mountain top experiences I seek the real transforming power of the Spirits work on my life.

I desire to be a fully formed disciple of Christ in how I see my neighbor.
In my relationships with the people my life touches I acknowledge that I am a more useful tool for God when I am communing with Him and in tune with the Spirit. When I am aware of the role God wants me to play in any given person’s life it is a more fulfilling and rich experience. My life is full of different types of relationships and they all need something slightly different.
As a wife I want the Fruit of the Spirit to define all my actions, attitudes and behaviors.
As a mother I seek to point my children to Jesus and provide ways for them to enter a real relationship with Him.
As a friend I seek to always live in the truest form of community.
As a minister my goal is to see others move from believer to disciple.
As a resident of Amarillo I seek to see the hurting in my city and do what I can where I am.
As a member of the global community I want to live in such a way that I am making a difference in the world for those who suffer the most.

I desire to be a fully formed disciple of Christ with my resources.
Extravagant Generosity – this is the legacy handed down to me from my Mother and I seek to continue living in such a way.
Faithful Stewardship – taking seriously the commitment to tithe my income and give over and above to other causes.
Hospitality - to family, friends, church members and strangers. We acknowledge the blessing of our home and all our possessions and seek to use what we have as a way of blessing others. I desire to have people feel loved and honored when they leave our home.
Conserving – by recycling and limiting waste we are trying to honor creation.

Have you done one of these? Share your thoughts?